Three Plays by Granville-Barker. Granville-Barker Harley
your daughter wasn't good enough for mine.
carnaby. And yet at fisticuffs, I'd back John Abud against our son George.
dr. remnant has come out of the dining-room. tozer has stumbled towards him and is wagging an argumentative finger.
mr. tozer. . . Marriage means enjoyment!
dr. remnant. [Controlling his indignation.] I repeat that I have found in my own copy of the prayer book no insistence upon a romantic passion.
mr. tozer. My 'terpretation of God's word is 'bove criticism.
mr. tozer reaches the door and falls into the dining-room.
carnaby. [Weakly to dr. remnant.] Give me your arm for a moment.
dr. remnant. I think Lady Cottesham has Mrs. John Abud prepared to start, sir.
carnaby. I trust Ann will take no chill walking through the mud.
dr. remnant. Won't you sit down, sir?
carnaby. No.
For some moments crowe has been staring indignantly at sir george. Now he breaks out.
mr. crowe. The front door of this mansion is opened to a common gardener and only then to me and mine!
sir george leete. [Virulently.] Damn you and yours and damn them . . and damn you again for the worse disgrace.
mr. crowe. Damn you, sir . . have you paid him to marry the girl?
He turns away, purple faced and sir george chokes impotently. abud and mr. prestige come out talking. He is younger and less assertive than farmer crowe.
mr. prestige. [Pathetically.] All our family always has got drunk at weddings.
abud. [In remonstrance.] Please, uncle.
carnaby. Mr. Crowe . . I have been much to blame for not seeking you sooner.
mr. crowe. [Mollified.] Shake hands.
carnaby. [Offering his with some difficulty.] My arm is stiff . . from an accident. This is a maid's marriage, I assure you.
mr. prestige. [Open mouthed to dr. remnant.] One could hang bacon here!
dolly. [Very high and mighty.] The family don't.
carnaby. [To his father.] And won't you apologise for your remarks to Mr. Crowe, sir?
lady leete. [Demanding.] Snuff!
carnaby. And your box to my mother, sir.
sir george attends to his wife.
dolly. [Anxiously to dr. remnant.] Can a gentleman change his name?
mr. crowe. Parson . . once noble always noble, I take it.
dr. remnant. Certainly . . but I hope you have money to leave them, Mr. Crowe.
dolly. [To abud.] John.
abud. Dorothy.
dolly. You've not seen my babies yet.
lady leete sneezes.
sir george leete. Carnaby . . d'ye intend to murder that Crowe fellow . . or must I?
mr. smallpeice skips from the dining-room.
mr. smallpeice. Mr. John Abud . .
mr. crowe. [To dr. remnant as he nods towards carnaby.] Don't tell me he's got over that fever yet.
mr. smallpeice. . . The ladies say . . are you ready or are you not?
mr. prestige. I'll get thy cloak, John.
mr. prestige goes for the cloak. carnaby has taken a pistol from the mantel-piece and now points it at abud.
carnaby. He's fit for heaven!
george leete comes from the dining-room and noticing his father's action says sharply . .
george. I suppose you know that pistol's loaded.
Which calls everyone's attention. dolly shrieks.
carnaby. What if there had been an accident!
And he puts back the pistol. abud takes his cloak from prestige.
abud. Thank you, uncle.
mr. prestige. I'm a proud man. Mr. Crowe . .
carnaby. Pride!
george. [Has a sudden inspiration and strides up to abud.] Here ends the joke, my good fellow. Be off without your wife.
abud stares, as do the others. Only carnaby suddenly catches remnant's arm.
mr. prestige. [Solemnly.] But it's illegal to separate them.
george. [Giving up.] Mr. Prestige . . you are the backbone of England.
carnaby. [To remnant.] Where are your miracles?
mrs. prestige comes out. A motherly farmer's wife, a mountain of a woman.
mrs. prestige. John . . kiss your aunt.
abud goes to her, and she obliterates him in an embrace.
george. [To his father.] Sense of humour . . Sense of humour!
lady leete. Snuff.
But no one heeds her this time.
carnaby. It doesn't matter.
george. Smile. Let's be helpless gracefully.
carnaby. There are moments when I'm not sure.
george. It's her own life.
tozer staggers from the dining-room drunker than ever. He falls against the baluster and waves his arms.
mr. tozer. Silence there for the corpse!
mr. crowe. You beast!
mr. tozer. Respect my cloth . . Mr. Prestige.
mr. crowe. That's not my name.
mr. tozer. I'll have you to know that I'm Sir George Leete's baronet's most boon companion and her la'ship never goes nowhere without me. [He subsides into a chair.]
lady leete. [Tearfully.] Snuff.
From the dining-room comes ann; her head bent. She is crossing the hall when sarah follows, calling her.
sarah. Ann!
ann turns back to kiss her. The rest of the company stand gazing. sir george gives snuff to lady leete.
ann. Good-bye, Sally.
sarah. [In a whisper.] Forget us.
george. [Relieving his feelings.] Good-bye, everybody . . good-bye, everything.
abud goes to the front door and opening it stands waiting for her. She goes coldly, but timidly to her father, to whom she puts her face up to be kissed.
ann. Good-bye, Papa.
carnaby. [Quietly, as he kisses her cheek.] I can do without you.
sir george leete. [Raging at the draught.] Shut that door.
ann. I'm gone.
She goes with her husband. mrs. opie comes hurriedly out of the dining-room, too late.
mrs. opie. Oh!
dr. remnant. Run . . Mrs. Opie.
carnaby. There