The Essential Plays of George Bernard Shaw (Illustrated Edition). GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
table. Cokane rises and addresses the gentleman] My dear sir, excuse my addressing you; but I cannot help feeling that you prefer this table and that we are in your way.
THE GENTLEMAN [grafiously] Thank you. Blanche: This gentleman very kindly offers us his table, if you would prefer it.
BLANCHE Oh, thanks: It makes no difference.
THE GENTLEMAN [to Cokane} We are fellow travellers, I believe, sir.
COKANE Fellow travellers and fellow countrymen. Ah, we rarely feel the charm of our own tongue until it reaches our ears under a foreign sky. You have no doubt noticed that?
THE GENTLEMAN [a little puzzled] Hm! From a romantic point of view, possibly, very possibly. As a matter of fact, the sound of English makes me feel at home; and I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad. It is not precisely what one goes to the expense for. [He looks at Trench] I think this gentleman travelled with us also.
COKANE [acting as master of the ceremonies] My valued friend, Dr Trench. [The gentleman and Trench rise.] Trench, my dear fellow, allow me to introduce you to er? [He looks enquiringly at the gentleman, waiting for the name.]
THE GENTLEMAN Permit me to shake your hand, Dr Trench. My name is Sartorius; and I have the honor of being known to Lady Roxdale, who is, I believe, a near relative of yours. Blanche, [She looks up.] Dr Trench. [They bow.]
TRENCH Perhaps I should introduce my friend Cokane to you, Mr Sartorius: Mr William de Burgh Cokane. [Cokane makes an elaborate bow. Sartorius accepts it with dignity. The waiter meanwhile returns with teapot, hot water, etc.]
SARTORIUS [to the waiter] Two more cups.
WAITER Yes, zare. [He goes into the hotel.]
BLANCHE Do you take sugar, Mr Cokane?
COKANE Thank you. [To Sartorius] This is really too kind. Harry: Bring your chair round.
SARTORIUS You are very welcome. [Trench brings his chair to the tea table; and they all sit round it. The waiter returns with two more cups.]
WAITER Table d’hote at ‘alf past zix, zhentellmenn. Ahnyzing else now, zare?
SARTORIUS No. You can go. [The waiter goes.]
COKANE [very agreeably] Do you contemplate a long stay here, Miss Sartorius?
BLANCHE We were thinking of going on to Rolandseck. Is it as nice as this place?
COKANE Harry: The Baedeker. Thank you. [He consults the index, and looks out Rolandseck.]
BLANCHE Sugar, Dr Trench?
TRENCH Thanks. [She hands him the cup, and looks meaningly at him for an instant. He looks down hastily, and glances apprehensively at Sartorius, who is preoccupied with a piece of bread and butter].
COKANE Rolandseck appears to be an extremely interesting place. [Rereads] “It is one of the most beautiful and frequented spots on the river, and is surrounded with numerous villas and pleasant gardens, chiefly belonging to wealthy merchants from the Lower Rhine, and extending along the wooded slopes at the back of the village.”
BLANCHE That sounds civilized and comfortable. I vote we go there.
SARTORIUS Quite like our place at Surbiton, my dear.
BLANCHE Quite.
COKANE You have a place down the river? Ah, I envy you.
SARTORIUS No: I have merely taken a furnished villa at Surbiton for the summer. I live in Bedford Square. I am a vestryman and must reside in the parish.
BLANCHE Another cup, Mr Cokane?
COKANE Thank you, no. [To Sartorius] I presume you have been round this little place. Not much to see here, except the Apollinaris Church.
SARTORIUS [scandalized] The what!
COKANE The Apollinaris Church.
SARTORIUS A strange name to give a church. Very continental, I must say.
COKANE Ah, yes, yes, yes. That is where our neighbors fall short sometimes, Mr Sartorius: Taste, taste is what they occasionally fail in. But in this instance they are not to blame. The water is called after the church, not the church after the water.
SARTORIUS [as if this were an extenuating circumstance but not a complete excuse] I am glad to hear it. Is the church a celebrated one?
COKANE Baedeker stars it.
SARTORIUS [respectfully] Oh, in that case I should like to see it.
COKANE [reading] “…erected in 1839 by Zwirner, the late eminent architect of the cathedral of Cologne, at the expense of Count Fiirstenberg-Stammheim.”
SARTORIUS [much impressed] We must certainly see that, Mr Cokane. I had no idea that the architect of Cologne cathedral lived so recently.
BLANCHE Dont let us bother about any more churches, papa. Theyre all the same; and I’m tired to death of them.
SARTORIUS Well, my dear, if you think it sensible to take a long and expensive journey to see what there is to be seen, and then go away without seeing it
BLANCHE Not this afternoon, papa, please.
SARTORIUS My dear: I should like you to see everything. It is part of your education
BLANCHE [rising, with a petulant sigh] Oh, my education! Very well, very well: I suppose I must go through with it. Are you coming, Dr Trench? [with a grimace] I’m sure the Johannis Church will be a treat for you.
COKANE [laughing softly and archly] Ah, excellent, excellent: Very good, indeed. [Seriously] But do you know, Miss Sartorius, there actually are Johannis churches here several of them as well as Apollinaris ones?
SARTORIUS [Sententiously, taking out his fieldglass and leading the way to the gate] There is many a true word spoken in jest, Mr Cokane.
COKANE [accompanying him] How true! How true! [They go out together, ruminating profoundly. Blanche makes no movement to follow them. She watches until they are safely out of sight, and then posts herself before Trench, looking at him with an enigmatic smile, which he returns with a half sheepish, half conceited grin.]
BLANCHE Well! So you have done it at last.
TRENCH Yes. At least Cokane’s done it. I told you he’d manage it. He’s rather an ass in some ways; but he has tremendous tact.
BLANCHE [contemptuously] Tact! Thats not tact : thats inquisitiveness. Inquisitive people always have a lot of practice in getting into conversation with strangers. Why didnt you speak to my father yourself on the boat? You were ready enough to speak to me without any introduction.
TRENCH I didnt particularly want to talk to him.
BLANCHE It didnt occur to you, I suppose, that you put me in a false position by that.
TRENCH Oh, I dont see that, exactly. Besides, your father isnt an easy man to tackle. Of course, now that I know him, I see that he’s pleasant enough; but then youve got to know him first, havnt you?
BLANCHE [impatiently] Everybody is afraid of papa: I’m sure I dont know why. [She sits down again, pouting a little.]
TRENCH [tenderly] However, it’s all right now: Isnt it? [He sits near her.]
BLANCHE [sharply] I dont know. How should I? You had no right to speak to me that day on board the steamer. You thought I was alone, because [with false pathos] I had no mother with me.
TRENCH [protesting] Oh, I say! Come! It was you who spoke to me. Of course I was only too glad of the chance; but on my word I shouldnt have moved an eyelid if you hadnt given me a lead.
BLANCHE I only asked you the name of a castle. There was nothing unladylike in that.
TRENCH Of course not. Why shouldnt you? [With renewed tenderness] But it’s all right now: Isnt it?
BLANCHE [softly, looking subtly at him] Is it?
TRENCH