Golden Steps to Respectability, Usefulness and Happiness. John Mather Austin
more than another, in this respect, where young ladies err, it is in regard to DRESS. There are not a few who suppose that dress is the most important thing for which they have been created, and that it forms the highest attraction of woman. Under this mistaken notion—this poor infatuation—they plunge into every extravagance in their attire; and, in this manner, squander sums of money, which would be much more profitably expended in storing their minds with useful knowledge, or, in some cases, even in procuring the ordinary comforts of life.
There is a secret on this point I would like to divulge to young women. It is this—That any dress, which from its oddness, or its extreme of fashion and display, is calculated to attract very particular attention, is worn at the expense of the good name of its possessor. It raises them in the estimation of none; but deprives them of the good opinion of all sensible people. It gives occasion for suspicion, not only of their good sense, but of their habits of economy. When a young woman is given to extravagant displays in dress, it is but publishing to the world, her own consciousness of a want of other attractions of a more substantial nature. It is but virtually saying, "I seek to excite attention by my dress, because I have no other good quality by which I can secure attention."
Could a young woman who passes through the streets decked out extravagantly in all that the milliner and dress-maker can furnish, realize the unfavorable impression she makes upon sensible young men—could she but see the curl of the lip, and hear the contemptuous epithet which her appearance excites, and know how utterly worthless they esteem her—she would hasten to her home, throw off her foolish attire, and weep tears of bitterness at her folly.
Parents are often much to be blamed for this indiscretion in their daughters. They should give them better advice; and instruct them to cultivate other and worthier attractions than the poor gewgaws of DRESS! Do they not know that the worthless and abandoned of the female sex dress the most gaily and fashionably? Should they not urge their daughters to seek for a higher excellency, a more creditable distinction than this?
Here is another secret for young ladies:—All the attraction they can ever possess by means of dress, will be derived from three sources, viz. Plainness, Neatness, and Appropriateness. In whatever they deviate from these cardinal points, they will to the same degree make themselves ridiculous—weaken their influence, and lose the good opinion of those they are the most anxious to win. I beg these truths to be impressed deeply on the mind.
Dress, personal beauty, and showy accomplishments, go but a short way to establish the reputation on which the happiness of woman really depends. Instead of placing reliance on these, they should seek to cultivate those qualities, habits, and dispositions, which will give permanent merit and value, in the estimation of those whose attention and regard they are desirous to cultivate. A sweet and gentle disposition—a mild and forgiving temper—a respectful and womanly demeanor—a mind cultivated, and well-stored with useful knowledge—a thorough practical acquaintance with all domestic duties; (the sphere where woman can exhibit her highest attractions, and her most valuable qualities,) tastes, habits, and views of life, drawn not from the silly novels of the day, but from a discriminating judgment, and the school of a well-learned practical experience in usefulness and goodness:—these are the elements of a good name, a valuable reputation in a young woman. They are more to be sought for, and more to be depended upon, than any outward qualification. They form an attraction which will win the regard and affection of the wise and enlightened, where the fascinations of dress, and other worthless accomplishments, would prove utterly powerless.
I desire the young, of both sexes, to remember that it is one thing not to have a bad reputation, but quite another thing to have a good one. The fact that an individual does nothing criminal, or offensive, although creditable in itself considered, does not bestow the amount of merit after which all should seek. They may do nothing particularly bad, and nothing very good. It is meritorious to refrain from evil; but it is better still to achieve something by active exertion, which shall deserve commendation. The Apostle exhorts us not only to "cease to do evil," but to "learn to do well." The young, while striving to avoid the evils of a bad reputation, should assiduously seek for the advantages of a good one.
How can the young secure a good character? Its worth, its importance, its blessings, we have seen. Now, how can it be obtained? This is a question, worthy the serious consideration of every youth. Let me say in reply:—
1. That a good character cannot be inherited, as the estate of a father descends to his heirs. However respectable and worthy parents may be, their children cannot share in that respect, unless they deserve it by their own merits. Too many youth, it is to be apprehended, are depending upon their parents' reputation as well as their parents' property, for their own standing and success in life. This is an insecure foundation. In our republican land, every individual is estimated by his or her own conduct, and not by the reputation of their connections. It is undoubtedly an advantage in many points of view, for a young person to have respectable parents. But if they would inherit their parents' good name, they must imitate their parents' virtues.
2. A good character cannot be purchased with gold. Though a man or a woman may have all the wealth of the Indies, yet it cannot secure a worthy name—it cannot buy the esteem of the wise and good, without the merit which deserves it. The glitter of gold cannot conceal an evil and crabbed disposition, a selfish soul, a corrupt heart, or vile passions and propensities. Although the sycophantic may fawn around such as possess wealth, and bow obsequiously before them, on account of their riches, yet, in fact, they are despised and contemned in the hearts even of their hangers-on and followers.
3. A good character cannot be obtained by simply wishing for it. The Creator has wisely provided, that the desire for a thing does not secure it. Were it to be thus, our world would soon present a strange aspect. It is, undoubtedly, much better that it should be as it is. We have the privilege to wish for whatever we please; but we can secure only that which we labor for and deserve. Were the traveller to stand throughout the day, at the foot of the hill, wishing to be at the summit, his simple desire would not place him there. He must allow his wishes to prompt him to proper exertion. It is only by persevering industry, and patient toil, contented to take one step at a time; that his wish is gratified, and he finds himself at length upon the brow of the eminence.
In like manner, the youthful, to obtain possession of a good character, must earn it. It must be sought for, by an earnest cultivation of all the graces and virtues, which are commended by God and man. It cannot be secured in a moment. As the edifice is erected by diligently laying one stone upon another, until it finally becomes a splendid temple, piercing the heavens with its glittering spire, so a good name must be built up by good deeds, faithfully and constantly performed, as day after day carries us along amid the affairs of life.
Let the youthful fix their eyes upon this prize of a good reputation—the only end worth striving for in life. Let them studiously avoid evil practices, corrupt associates, and vicious examples. Let them patiently and faithfully lay the foundations of virtuous habits, and practice the lessons of wisdom and the precepts of religion—and in due time the prize shall be theirs. The spotless wreath of a virtuous character shall rest upon their brow. The commendation, the confidence, and the good-will of man shall accompany them; and the choicest of the blessings of God shall rest upon them, and sweeten all their days.
LECTURE II.
The Principles and Purposes of Life.
"The heart of him that hath understanding, seeketh knowledge."—Prov. xv. 14.
