Collected Works. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
(smiling). Of course I had rather you stayed.
CLEOPATRA. Much, much rather?
CAESAR (nodding). Much, much rather.
CLEOPATRA. Then I consent to stay, because I am asked. But I do not want to, mind.
CAESAR. That is quite understood. (Calling) Totateeta.
Ftatateeta, still seated, turns her eyes on him with a sinister expression, but does not move.
CLEOPATRA (with a splutter of laughter). Her name is not Totateeta: it is Ftatateeta. (Calling) Ftatateeta. (Ftatateeta instantly rises and comes to Cleopatra.)
CAESAR (stumbling over the name). Tfatafeeta will forgive the erring tongue of a Roman. Tota: the Queen will hold her state here in Alexandria. Engage women to attend upon her; and do all that is needful.
FTATATEETA. Am I then the mistress of the Queen’s household?
CLEOPATRA (sharply). No: I am the mistress of the Queen’s household. Go and do as you are told, or I will have you thrown into the Nile this very afternoon, to poison the poor crocodiles.
CAESAR (shocked). Oh no, no.
CLEOPATRA. Oh yes, yes. You are very sentimental, Caesar; but you are clever; and if you do as I tell you, you will soon learn to govern.
Caesar, quite dumbfounded by this impertinence, turns in his chair and stares at her.
Ftatateeta, smiling grimly, and showing a splendid set of teeth, goes, leaving them alone together.
CAESAR. Cleopatra: I really think I must eat you, after all.
CLEOPATRA (kneeling beside him and looking at him with eager interest, half real, half affected to shew how intelligent she is). You must not talk to me now as if I were a child.
CAESAR. You have been growing up since the Sphinx introduced us the other night; and you think you know more than I do already.
CLEOPATRA (taken down, and anxious to justify herself). No: that would be very silly of me: of course I know that. But—(suddenly) are you angry with me?
CAESAR. No.
CLEOPATRA (only half believing him). Then why are you so thoughtful?
CAESAR (rising). I have work to do, Cleopatra.
CLEOPATRA (drawing back). Work! (Offended) You are tired of talking to me; and that is your excuse to get away from me.
CAESAR (sitting down again to appease her). Well, well: another minute. But then—work!
CLEOPATRA. Work! What nonsense! You must remember that you are a King now: I have made you one. Kings don’t work.
CAESAR. Oh! Who told you that, little kitten? Eh?
CLEOPATRA. My father was King of Egypt; and he never worked. But he was a great king, and cut off my sister’s head because she rebelled against him and took the throne from him.
CAESAR. Well; and how did he get his throne back again?
CLEOPATRA (eagerly, her eyes lighting up). I will tell you. A beautiful young man, with strong round arms, came over the desert with many horsemen, and slew my sister’s husband and gave my father back his throne. (Wistfully) I was only twelve then. Oh, I wish he would come again, now that I am a Queen. I would make him my husband.
CAESAR. It might be managed, perhaps; for it was I who sent that beautiful young man to help your father.
CLEOPATRA (enraptured). You know him!
CAESAR (nodding). I do.
CLEOPATRA. Has he come with you? (Caesar shakes his head: she is cruelly disappointed.) Oh, I wish he had, I wish he had. If only I were a little older; so that he might not think me a mere kitten, as you do! But perhaps that is because you are old. He is many, many years younger than you, is he not?
CAESAR (as if swallowing a pill). He is somewhat younger.
CLEOPATRA. Would he be my husband, do you think, if I asked him?
CAESAR. Very likely.
CLEOPATRA. But I should not like to ask him. Could you not persuade him to ask me—without knowing that I wanted him to?
CAESAR (touched by her innocence of the beautiful young man’s character). My poor child!
CLEOPATRA. Why do you say that as if you were sorry for me? Does he love anyone else?
CAESAR. I am afraid so.
CLEOPATRA (tearfully). Then I shall not be his first love.
CAESAR. Not quite the first. He is greatly admired by women.
CLEOPATRA. I wish I could be the first. But if he loves me, I will make him kill all the rest. Tell me: is he still beautiful? Do his strong round arms shine in the sun like marble?
CAESAR. He is in excellent condition—considering how much he eats and drinks.
CLEOPATRA. Oh, you must not say common, earthly things about him; for I love him. He is a god.
CAESAR. He is a great captain of horsemen, and swifter of foot than any other Roman.
CLEOPATRA. What is his real name?
CAESAR (puzzled). His real name?
CLEOPATRA. Yes. I always call him Horus, because Horus is the most beautiful of our gods. But I want to know his real name.
CAESAR. His name is Mark Antony.
CLEOPATRA (musically). Mark Antony, Mark Antony, Mark Antony! What a beautiful name! (She throws her arms round Caesar’s neck.) Oh, how I love you for sending him to help my father! Did you love my father very much?
CAESAR. No, my child; but your father, as you say, never worked. I always work. So when he lost his crown he had to promise me 16,000 talents to get it back for him.
CLEOPATRA. Did he ever pay you?
CAESAR. Not in full.
CLEOPATRA. He was quite right: it was too dear. The whole world is not worth 16,000 talents.
CAESAR. That is perhaps true, Cleopatra. Those Egyptians who work paid as much of it as he could drag from them. The rest is still due. But as I most likely shall not get it, I must go back to my work. So you must run away for a little and send my secretary to me.
CLEOPATRA (coaxing). No: I want to stay and hear you talk about Mark Antony.
CAESAR. But if I do not get to work, Pothinus and the rest of them will cut us off from the harbor; and then the way from Rome will be blocked.
CLEOPATRA. No matter: I don’t want you to go back to Rome.
CAESAR. But you want Mark Antony to come from it.
CLEOPATRA (springing up). Oh yes, yes, yes: I forgot. Go quickly and work, Caesar; and keep the way over the sea open for my Mark Antony. (She runs out through the loggia, kissing her hand to Mark Antony across the sea.)
CAESAR (going briskly up the middle of the hall to the loggia steps). Ho, Britannus. (He is startled by the entry of a wounded Roman soldier, who confronts him from the upper step.) What now?
SOLDIER (pointing to his bandaged head). This, Caesar; and two of my comrades killed in the market place.
CAESAR (quiet but attending). Ay. Why?
SOLDIER. There is an army come to Alexandria, calling itself the Roman army.
CAESAR. The Roman army of occupation. Ay?
SOLDIER. Commanded by one Achillas.
CAESAR. Well?
SOLDIER. The citizens rose against us when the army