Collected Works. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
Caesar: this is how she treats me always. If I am a King why is she allowed to take everything from me?
CLEOPATRA. You are not to be King, you little cry-baby. You are to be eaten by the Romans.
CAESAR (touched by Ptolemy’s distress). Come here, my boy, and stand by me.
Ptolemy goes over to Caesar, who, resuming his seat on the tripod, takes the boy’s hand to encourage him. Cleopatra, furiously jealous, rises and glares at them.
CLEOPATRA (with flaming cheeks). Take your throne: I don’t want it. (She flings away from the chair, and approaches Ptolemy, who shrinks from her.) Go this instant and sit down in your place.
CAESAR. Go, Ptolemy. Always take a throne when it is offered to you.
RUFIO. I hope you will have the good sense to follow your own advice when we return to Rome, Caesar.
Ptolemy slowly goes back to the throne, giving Cleopatra a wide berth, in evident fear of her hands. She takes his place beside Caesar.
CAESAR. Pothinus——
CLEOPATRA (interrupting him). Are you not going to speak to me?
CAESAR. Be quiet. Open your mouth again before I give you leave; and you shall be eaten.
CLEOPATRA. I am not afraid. A queen must not be afraid. Eat my husband there, if you like: he is afraid.
CAESAR (starting). Your husband! What do you mean?
CLEOPATRA (pointing to Ptolemy). That little thing.
The two Romans and the Briton stare at one another in amazement.
THEODOTUS. Caesar: you are a stranger here, and not conversant with our laws. The kings and queens of Egypt may not marry except with their own royal blood. Ptolemy and Cleopatra are born king and consort just as they are born brother and sister.
BRITANNUS (shocked). Caesar: this is not proper.
THEODOTUS (outraged). How!
CAESAR (recovering his self-possession). Pardon him, Theodotus: he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
BRITANNUS. On the contrary, Caesar, it is these Egyptians who are barbarians; and you do wrong to encourage them. I say it is a scandal.
CAESAR. Scandal or not, my friend, it opens the gate of peace. (He rises and addresses Pothinus seriously.) Pothinus: hear what I propose.
RUFIO. Hear Caesar there.
CAESAR. Ptolemy and Cleopatra shall reign jointly in Egypt.
ACHILLAS. What of the King’s younger brother and Cleopatra’s younger sister?
RUFIO (explaining). There is another little Ptolemy, Caesar: so they tell me.
CAESAR. Well, the little Ptolemy can marry the other sister; and we will make them both a present of Cyprus.
POTHINUS (impatiently). Cyprus is of no use to anybody.
CAESAR. No matter: you shall have it for the sake of peace.
BRITANNUS (unconsciously anticipating a later statesman). Peace with honor, Pothinus.
POTHINUS (mutinously). Caesar: be honest. The money you demand is the price of our freedom. Take it; and leave us to settle our own affairs.
THE BOLDER COURTIERS (encouraged by Pothinus’s tone and Caesar’s quietness). Yes, yes. Egypt for the Egyptians!
The conference now becomes an altercation, the Egyptians becoming more and more heated. Caesar remains unruffled; but Rufio grows fiercer and doggeder, and Britannus haughtily indignant.
RUFIO (contemptuously). Egypt for the Egyptians! Do you forget that there is a Roman army of occupation here, left by Aulus Gabinius when he set up your toy king for you?
ACHILLAS (suddenly asserting himself). And now under my command. I am the Roman general here, Caesar.
CAESAR (tickled by the humor of the situation). And also the Egyptian general, eh?
POTHINUS (triumphantly). That is so, Caesar.
CAESAR (to Achillas). So you can make war on the Egyptians in the name of Rome, and on the Romans—on me, if necessary—in the name of Egypt?
ACHILLAS. That is so, Caesar.
CAESAR. And which side are you on at present, if I may presume to ask, general?
ACHILLAS. On the side of the right and of the gods.
CAESAR. Hm! How many men have you?
ACHILLAS. That will appear when I take the field.
RUFIO (truculently). Are your men Romans? If not, it matters not how many there are, provided you are no stronger than 500 to ten.
POTHINUS. It is useless to try to bluff us, Rufio. Caesar has been defeated before and may be defeated again. A few weeks ago Caesar was flying for his life before Pompey: a few months hence he may be flying for his life before Cato and Juba of Numidia, the African King.
ACHILLAS (following up Pothinus’s speech menacingly). What can you do with 4,000 men?
THEODOTUS (following up Achillas’s speech with a raucous squeak). And without money? Away with you.
ALL THE COURTIERS (shouting fiercely and crowding towards Caesar). Away with you. Egypt for the Egyptians! Begone.
Rufio bites his beard, too angry to speak. Caesar sits on comfortably as if he were at breakfast, and the cat were clamoring for a piece of Finnan-haddie.
CLEOPATRA. Why do you let them talk to you like that, Caesar? Are you afraid?
CAESAR. Why, my dear, what they say is quite true.
CLEOPATRA. But if you go away, I shall not be Queen.
CAESAR. I shall not go away until you are Queen.
POTHINUS. Achillas: if you are not a fool, you will take that girl whilst she is under your hand.
RUFIO (daring them). Why not take Caesar as well, Achillas?
POTHINUS (retorting the defiance with interest). Well said, Rufio. Why not?
RUFIO. Try, Achillas. (Calling) Guard there.
The loggia immediately fills with Caesar’s soldiers, who stand, sword in hand, at the top of the steps, waiting the word to charge from their centurion, who carries a cudgel. For a moment the Egyptians face them proudly: then they retire sullenly to their former places.
BRITANNUS. You are Caesar’s prisoners, all of you.
CAESAR (benevolently). Oh no, no, no. By no means. Caesar’s guests, gentlemen.
CLEOPATRA. Won’t you cut their heads off?
CAESAR. What! Cut off your brother’s head?
CLEOPATRA. Why not? He would cut off mine, if he got the chance. Wouldn’t you, Ptolemy?
PTOLEMY (pale and obstinate). I would. I will, too, when I grow up.
Cleopatra is rent by a struggle between her newly-acquired dignity as a queen, and a strong impulse to put out her tongue at him. She takes no part in the scene which follows, but watches it with curiosity and wonder, fidgeting with the restlessness of a child, and sitting down on Caesar’s tripod when he rises.
POTHINUS. Caesar: if you attempt to detain us——
RUFIO. He will succeed, Egyptian: make up your mind to that. We hold the palace, the beach, and the eastern harbor. The road to Rome is open; and you shall travel it if Caesar chooses.
CAESAR (courteously). I could do no less, Pothinus, to secure the retreat of my own soldiers.