To Be a Family. Joan Kilby
the word. He tried to make it sound friendly, not an order. She left the guinea pig and started toward her locker at the back of the classroom. “I’ll touch base with you tomorrow,” he added to Katie.
He and Katie waited in awkward silence while Tuti gathered her lunch box and backpack. All these years he’d wanted an excuse to talk to her. He’d flirted and teased, partly because she wouldn’t have a conversation, partly because it was less painful than acknowledging they were finished, that there was nothing left, not even friendship. Now they had a real reason to talk to each other but it was fraught with tension.
No doubt Katie resented the fact that he’d had a child with someone else so soon after they’d broken up. Had she ever stopped to think how she’d made him suffer by making the choices she had? She’d been the one to throw away their future, not him.
“Did she like my book?” Katie asked at length.
“She loves it so much she takes it to bed with her.”
Katie’s face lit. “I’m glad.”
Once upon a time her smile had been like sunshine in his life. Now he looked away.
A small hand crept into his. Tuti gazed up at him, questioning. No matter how she’d struggled against wearing the school uniform, no matter how she’d refused to sleep in a bed, no matter that he had no idea how to deal with a six-year-old girl, not once had she rejected him. From the minute he’d hoisted her onto his shoulders at Nena’s funeral she’d trusted him. It was humbling. Yes, he was pretty certain she felt the connection, too.
He cleared his throat. “Tuti, can you say goodbye to Miss Henning? Selamat tingall.”
Tuti ducked her head.
“Goodbye for now.” Katie leaned down and hugged the girl. Tuti clasped her around the waist. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“We’re going to Springvale,” John said. “To pick up foods she’s familiar with from the Asian market.” Seeing Tuti and Katie embracing so affectionately, he added on impulse, “We’ll have dinner while we’re there. Would you like to come?”
Katie hesitated. For a moment he thought she might say yes. Then she shook her head. “I have work to do.”
“Okay, fine.” It was a dumb idea, anyway.
“You’re going to have to get used to being with her.”
“It’s not that…” He trailed away. It was, partly. He adored his daughter but he was floundering. Not that he was going to let Katie know that. “Come on, Tuti. Let’s go.”
Tuti smiled at Katie and gestured to her.
Katie smiled back and waved. “Goodbye.”
Tuti shook her head and motioned with her hand to her mouth as if eating.
“She must have understood what I said about dinner,” John said.
“And that you invited me. That’s good. The more English she understands the easier it’ll be when she starts to speak.”
Tuti put her hands together in the universal gesture of prayer or pleading. Above her steepled fingertips, her dark eyes danced merrily.
“She knows how to charm,” Katie said drily. “Must have got that from you.”
“Tuti, Katie is busy. You’ll see her tomorrow.” He tugged gently on her hand. Her shoulders slumped, but she allowed him to lead her out the door.
“Wait,” Katie said.
CHAPTER FOUR
“I’LL COME WITH you after all,” Katie said. By his own admission John knew nothing about children, much less little girls. “I’m an expert at buying the healthiest fresh ingredients. When cooking for kids, it’s important to have a balanced diet.”
John bristled at her comment. “I cook, too. A healthy meal isn’t all about googly berries and wheat grass extracts. Tuti won’t eat that crap.”
“Goji berries.” Katie, reaching for her cardigan and purse, stiffened. He had a blind spot when it came to her health choices. “I was only trying to help. By all means, go by yourself.”
Tuti’s gaze swiveled from Katie to John. Oh, dear. She might not understand every word but she could surely pick up on the tension. John had invited impulsively, and she’d accepted equally impulsively. They’d both made a mistake. But Tuti would be the one to pay.
John noticed Tuti tracking their exchange, too. “No, you’re welcome to come along,” he said grudgingly. “I’m sure between us we can get what she needs.”
Katie hesitated, then nodded. It was too late to back out now. She walked slightly ahead of John down the school corridor. This was her turf. Plus, she needed to maintain some distance. She’d vowed years ago never to go out with him again.
Yet here she was, helping him shop for his daughter. And joining him for dinner. She’d forgotten that part when she’d agreed to help buy groceries.
It was okay. She would handle it—for Tuti’s sake. The little girl ran up to her and took her hand. Katie took it with a smile. Her budding affection for Tuti was bittersweet. John hadn’t stuck with her to have the family they’d planned. She’d thought he loved her, believed he would be loyal, the way her father had been loyal to her mother when she’d had breast cancer. But no, John couldn’t handle her illness. He’d gone off and had a kid with someone else.
The fact that Tuti was unplanned didn’t make it better. Her mere existence hurt more than Katie could have imagined, almost as if she was being taunted by her own dream. Here she’d beaten cancer, made a great life for herself, written a book even. Yet the husband and children she longed for remained elusive. That husband should have been John. And Tuti should have been their child. But he wasn’t, and Tuti wasn’t. So much for her dream.
She went in John’s car since Springvale was thirty minutes away and it made no sense to go separately. The open area food hall was a maze of fruit and vegetable stalls, seafood, butchers and poultry. Most shoppers were Vietnamese, speaking in their own language. Tuti clung tightly to Katie’s hand.
John tried to take her hand, too. She let him but wouldn’t relinquish Katie’s hand so the three of them wound their way awkwardly through the crowded marketplace. Finally John gave up and let go.
Katie met his gaze. “Don’t take it personally. I’m her teacher.”
“But I’m her father.”
Katie wasn’t likely to forget. She could see traces of John in the girl. Not appearance necessarily, but his energy and humor, elements of his personality John seemed to have buried. He’d always been the wild one, an adventurer, blowing where the wind took him, with no clear pathway for the future. After high school he’d drifted in and out of various jobs. Surfing and Katie herself were the only constants in his life.
Then she’d gotten sick and he’d abandoned her to disappear for a yearlong surfing safari. When he came home he’d gone straight into police academy. Now he lived by rules, enforcing the law, demanding strict discipline of himself and his officers. Only his relationships with women were transient.
Since becoming a cop he’d had to become less spontaneous and more by-the-book. At least she’d gleaned as much from things Riley said. It was too bad. John’s zest for life was what had attracted her to him as a young teenager. How many days and nights had she spent mooning over her older brother’s hot friend?
She watched him move ahead, his shoulders broad and straight, hips lean and butt tight in navy uniform pants. She stifled a sigh. He was still hot. That hadn’t changed.
“This place looks good.” John stopped at a fruit stall and picked up a basket. “Just get a variety of produce.”
Katie got her own basket and as she put items in, she