To Be a Family. Joan Kilby
she cut in. “How can we be friends after what you did?”
“After what I did? How about what you did?” He leaned forward. “Or should I say, didn’t do?”
“You wanted me to cut off both my breasts,” she hissed. “I was right not to, as it turned out.”
“That’s still a matter of opinion. Yes, you survived and beat the cancer but what evidence do you have that your natural remedies actually worked?”
She spread her arms wide, indicating her fit, healthy body. “The evidence is sitting before you.”
She looked good, no question. She always looked good to him, even when she was bloated and her hair had fallen out.
“What if you were to have a recurrence?” She turned her gaze away. He pushed harder. “Would you do anything different?” Still she didn’t say anything. “What makes you think you’d be lucky a second time?”
“You don’t understand anything.” She glanced back, her voice trembling. “If I’d had my breasts removed I wouldn’t have been able to nurse our children.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to say, they wouldn’t even have children if she wasn’t alive. He stopped himself. She would never admit she was wrong. If he kept pressing her for an acknowledgment that her choice of treatments hadn’t been the safest, or reacted to her accusations about how he’d hurt her, they would keep on fighting.
“Can we please move on?” Katie added.
He was reluctant—they were talking, really talking, for the first time in years. And as far as he knew there was a chance she couldn’t even have kids after going through chemo. But he didn’t want to fight Katie, he never had. Now more than ever he wanted to be friends. Having Tuti come to live with him and seeing Katie again had stirred his old dreams of a home and family. It was probably wishful thinking but maybe if Katie got to know him again, if they could get past the old stuff, they might have a chance.
The way to her heart was through Tuti. Katie loved kids and she liked to be needed. And God knows, Tuti needed her. His family, while they were willing to help with Tuti, didn’t have Katie’s teaching skills. Plus their time was limited. His mother was willing to babysit when she could but she worked, writing a column for the local newspaper. Same went for his sisters, one a lawyer, the other running a café. He could hire a tutor but in spite of Katie’s claim that he didn’t know her any longer, he did know she had the patience and the resolve and the dedication Tuti needed. Tuti was in a foreign country with foreign customs and limited English. She was overwhelmed and the more familiar faces he could give her, the better it would be. So yes, for all those reasons, Katie did top his list of potential tutors.
The family at the next table was getting up to leave, strapping their baby into a stroller. Tuti would be back any second. John wanted a positive connection with Katie so they wouldn’t go back to being formal with each other. He took a breath and summoned the kind of courage that didn’t get exercised much on the police force.
“It hurts that you don’t want to know me.” The epithet “superficial” especially had stung. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I promise I won’t try to flirt with you again. I’m not asking to take up where we left off.” Yet. “But I would like to be friends.”
There, he’d said it. If she turned down his friendship after all that groveling, he would move away from Summerside and never come back. “So…?”
“You’re only saying this because you want my help with Tuti.”
“I do want your help. I don’t deny that. But that’s not why I’m flaying myself before you. If you don’t have time for her then I’ll figure something else out. But just don’t…cut me dead when I meet you on the street. Don’t leave a party the minute I arrive. Say ‘good day’ like you mean it. Have a coffee with me now and then.” He felt his throat catch and cleared it. “It’s not a lot to ask.”
“I’m sorry.” Her hands clasped tightly around her teacup. “I wasn’t aware I was that mean to you.”
“Well, you are. People comment.”
“I’ll try not to do it again.” She sucked in a breath, regained her composure. “So, do I have your word—no flirting? No innuendo? No double entendres?”
He grimaced. Had he really been that louche? “None of that. If only you’ll give Tuti extra help to bring her up to speed.”
Katie tilted her head to one side. The curve of her breasts beneath her draped blouse rose and fell as she thought about it. His mind drifted in an inappropriate direction. Damn it all. He was a man. He couldn’t help the way his body reacted. She could ask him to keep his mouth shut but she couldn’t control his thoughts.
But he would learn to stay quiet. The comments were more a nervous reaction than anything he really wanted to say to her, anyway. If she actually conversed with him like he was a decent human being then maybe he could respond in kind.
Tuti slid back onto her chair next to Katie and smiled up at her teacher. The little girl couldn’t have made a more timely entrance if she’d been scripted. But that just ratcheted up the tension. Katie wouldn’t like feeling pressured from two sides.
John sat back and glanced away, as if it wasn’t a big deal if she tutored his daughter or not. When, in truth, her continued presence in his life had become of paramount importance to him in a very short space of time.
* * *
KATIE WOULD LOVE to help Tuti. But she’d agreed to write three books this year. Plus, she was teaching full-time. And spending time with Tuti would inevitably mean spending time with John. Sure, he’d promised to curb his teasing and flirting but that didn’t mean she wanted to be his new best friend. He’d hurt her. Badly. Tuti’s very existence was a constant reminder of the extent of his betrayal.
But Tuti needed her in the here and now, and that was bigger than Katie and John’s unhappy past. In only a day Tuti had made her way into Katie’s heart with her shy smile and sparkling eyes. Somehow she would find the time to teach, write and tutor Tuti. As for John, she could be friendly without getting involved. “I’ll do it.”
“Really?” John said, sitting forward. “Thank you.”
“But you have to reinforce my teaching,” Katie said. “That involves reading to her every night, talking to her as much as possible, explaining things.”
“I can do that.”
“Even if she doesn’t understand every word you say, the meaning will gradually sink in. Children pick up languages easily. Tuti seems very bright.”
Tuti’s gaze was flicking from Katie to John.
“I’m going to give you extra time after class, just you and me,” Katie said, and Tuti beamed up at her. To John, Katie added, “The school will provide a teacher’s aide. We should be able to bring her up to speed in a few months.”
“I really appreciate this. Let me know what days and times are good for you and I’ll arrange to be home.”
“That’s not necessary,” Katie said quickly. A cozy threesome at John’s house felt a little too similar to a family unit for her comfort. With anyone else she wouldn’t have even thought that, but with John she didn’t want any reminders or allusions to what they might have had.
“I’ll take her home with me after school a couple of days a week then drop her off at your place when we’re done.” Katie reached for her purse among the bags of produce at her feet. “I need to get back. Are you ready to go?”
On the return trip to Summerside Katie pointed out trees, cars and houses to Tuti. The girl listened attentively at first then gradually lost interest to play with her doll.
Katie fell into silent contemplation. Had she really cut John dead at parties? Walked out of the room when he walked in? It wasn’t