Chloe Sims - The Only Way is Up - My Story. Chloe Sims
so her mum asked if I would like to go and live with them for a bit. They had a house in a village called Stapleford Abbotts in the Essex countryside, and I went to stay with them. Vicki was suffering from depression – although I didn’t really know that at the time – and it started to rub off on me. I felt more and more depressed and I couldn’t get Danny out of my head.
One night, I just wanted to switch off and I’d seen that Vicki’s mum had some sleeping tablets so I decided to take one, thinking that I would fall into a deep sleep and forget about Danny for a while. Anyway, after a while, it didn’t seem to be working so I took another one and then they both kicked in and I went a bit delirious. I thought they hadn’t worked, even though they had, so I carried on taking more and more until, eventually, I passed out.
Next time I woke up, I was in a hospital bed. It was horrendous. Everyone thought I had tried to kill myself and, even though I tried to tell them I hadn’t, they wouldn’t listen. My poor dad was devastated; he came to see me in hospital and I’d never seen him so upset. He kept on saying I should have talked to him but I kept telling him I hadn’t meant it. So there I was, after having the time of my life living in Majorca, being totally independent, now back in England with nowhere to live and no job, and everyone thinking I was suicidal.
After the ‘attempted suicide’, I decided that I had to sort my life out and stop pining over Danny. Although I would never forget him, I knew that I needed to get on with my life – I was still only 18. I landed a job as a manager of a clothes shop in Bow, east London. My dad helped me out and I got a small flat in Buckhurst Hill in Essex.
The girls I worked with used to go clubbing in the West End and told me tales about all the celebs they would see. It sounded so much better than any of the places in Essex. One night, they asked if I wanted to go with them and I jumped at the chance. I got myself all glammed up and we went to Sugar Reef in Soho, which was the trendiest place to be back then. As usual, I wore something totally different to anyone else – it was a Burberry checked outfit years before people started wearing Burberry!
As the girls and me stood there chatting, a guy walked past, tapped me on the shoulder and said, ‘You’re beautiful.’
I shrugged him off but, as soon as he turned to walk away, my friend said, ‘Do you know who that is?’ It was Frank Lampard! I’d no idea – I was totally clueless, I didn’t even understand what Premiership footballers meant back then. My friends then pointed out that Rio Ferdinand was over in the other corner.
Everyone told me Frank Lampard telling me I was beautiful was a big deal, and it was the first time that I realised perhaps all those people at school had been wrong and I wasn’t ugly after all. It dawned on me that maybe I could use my looks to get what I wanted. As I went back to Essex at the end of the night, I was over the moon – it might have been just one comment but, still, a footballer had told me I was beautiful!
I had started to feel more confident about the way I looked but there was one thing that was bothering me. I was flat-chested and all the other girls seemed to have really big boobs. I’d always been conscious of my small boobs but then it started bothering me more and more.
Not long after that night, I went out with a friend called Katie, who was from east London, and we met up with her boyfriend and some of his friends. One of them was called Matthew and he was really nice. He was good-looking, with dark skin, blue eyes, and he had a really nice smile. Matthew was 24, so a few years older than me, and he was well dressed and seemed like a nice guy. My friend Katie was keen for us to get together so we could go on double dates. She could see he liked me and encouraged me to go for it!
He asked if he could take my number and, a few days later, he rang and asked if he could take me out. Matthew lived in Poplar in east London and he came to Buckhurst Hill to pick me up in his BMW. He lived with his mum and dad and he had a job working as a builder with his dad.
We went out for a drink. He was really nice but there wasn’t a spark and, although he was good-looking, I just didn’t fancy him. Because I’d had such a spark with Danny, I kept thinking that it wasn’t good enough just to like someone. Matthew kept ringing me and I tried to put him off a few times but eventually I agreed to see him again. I told him I wasn’t really interested. Looking back now, I was still hung up on Danny.
All my friends told me I was mad; they kept saying he was much nicer than Danny and that I was crazy not to be going out with him, when he clearly liked me. They kept going on at me about how lovely he was and how I hadn’t given him a proper chance, so, eventually, I agreed to go out with him again. I decided I had to stop comparing him to Danny and to just relax and get to know him.
This time, we got on a lot better. We went to a local pub and had a few drinks, and he was really funny. I laughed a lot that night. Matthew’s got a piss-taking sense of humour like me and we had a laugh. I think the first few times we went out he was nervous, and I was being standoffish – that was why I hadn’t noticed how funny he was before. It wasn’t perfect, I still felt there was something missing compared to how I’d felt about Danny, but he was nice and we got on, so we started seeing each other.
Eventually, I got sacked from the clothes shop because I just couldn’t really be bothered and again the travelling from Essex to east London every day was doing my head in. I got a job working at the Queens pub in Buckhurst Hill near my flat, which was much more convenient. Still really into fashion, I spent all my money on clothes; I’d even buy stuff and then alter it so no one had the same things as me. Although the pub didn’t pay much, I liked it because it was sociable – there was always someone to talk to.
A couple of months before I met Matthew, my cousins, Nikki and Carly, had asked me if I wanted to go on a girls’ holiday with them to Ayia Napa in Cyprus. I’d never been on a proper girls’ holiday before – when I was out in the Balearics I was working, so it wasn’t the same – and I told them I’d love to, but I was only working in the pub and couldn’t afford it. I told my dad they’d asked me to go with them and he said he would pay for it for me. I couldn’t believe it! After the whole ‘suicide’ episode, I guess he thought I needed cheering up and could do with a holiday. Over the years, Dad has always been great like that. Whenever I’ve needed him, he’s been there for me.
As soon as he told me he’d pay, I got straight on the phone to Nikki: ‘My dad said he’ll pay for me so I can come with you!’
We were screaming with excitement. Carly is a year older than me and Nikki is just a few months older – they are really close in age. For most of the year, Nikki and me are the same age but, when it’s her birthday, I always take the Mick out of her for being old! We’ve always been really close because we are such similar ages and I couldn’t wait to go away with them – we were going to have a right laugh.
These plans were made before I’d met Matthew but, now he was on the scene, he didn’t want me to go. He was jealous and possessive, and begged me not to go. I was torn because I really, really wanted to go but I didn’t want to upset him.
I rang Nikki and told her that Matthew didn’t want me to go and she had a right go at me. I remember saying to her, ‘Nikki, I’ve got a problem – I don’t think I can come to Ayia Napa with you and Carly. Matthew’s not happy about it.’
Well, she went off on one, saying, ‘I can’t believe you’re dropping us for some bloke! You’ve known him two minutes and we’ve had this holiday planned for months, and now you’re saying you’re not coming. What a liberty!’
Now I love Nikki, but she is not someone you mess with and was quite scary, so I told her I would still go. And, anyway, she had a point – it’s not right to drop your mates just because you’ve got a new fella.
It was the best holiday ever. We were young, free and single, and we were out every