Dancing on Coffins. Black comedy. Yan Bratovich
written. Something does not suffice. Let’s sit down and flesh this out.
Hitch gives Hoffman his usual seat. Hoffman reflects for a moment and quickly writes something.
HAROLD HOFFMAN
Hazone, Read this.
He hands Hazone the paper. Hazone reads it and laughs.
HITCH
Let me read it!
Hitch takes the paper and reads Hoffman’s slogan. Hitch laughs like a madman.
HITCH
Hary, it’s absolutely crazy, man!
They laugh so hard they grab at this stomachs.
HAROLD HOFFMAN
It’s sharp! Coffins at a funeral will be like champagne on New Years Eve. Before you know it, the whole city will see the slogan!
HITCH
But the joke can be bad for us too.
HAROLD HOFFMAN
We’re not breaking any laws sonny. We have the right to advertise the way we see fit for our organization.
HITCH
I don’t know, I just don’t know.
HAROLD HOFFMAN
Don’t you worry about it, it’ll fall on me and I’ll take care of it. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get out of here.
HITCH
And go where?
HAROLD HOFFMAN
(smiling)
Let’s have a good time.
EXT. MINNEAPOLIS – SM “MALL OF AMERICA” – THE LATE EVENING
Tired Julia Shweetner leaves the centre. Loud music and a voice over the PA system is heard in the background. We see Christian’s car parked outside. Julia walks up to it. Christian exits the car and their eyes meet.
CHRISTIAN
Hi darling. Tired?
They kiss.
JULIA SHWEETNER
I already can’t feel my feet.
CHRISTIAN
Well, it was interesting?
JULIA SHWEETNER
Yes. There were so many celebrities!
CHRISTIAN
Well, sit down in the car. Have a rest.
They get into the car.
INT. CHRISTIAN’S CAR – NIGHT
They are driving along. Julia yawns and stretches.
JULIA SHWEETNER
I feel like the happiest woman in the world. I can’t wait to be back to the quiet life and half way out of the city.
CHRISTIAN
It’ll be nice to have you back here when you’re free from your infinite amounts of work.
JULIA SHWEETNER
Everyone’s eyes were shinning at the mall today, everyone there was so happy. It was really something to see.
CHRISTIAN
One very smart man has once told me: “To find the meaning of the life – is to find happiness, and to find happiness – is exactly the meaning of the life”.
Julia smiles.
JULIA SHWEETNER
I simply adore you.
Julia kisses Christian, passionately drawing herself to his neck.
CHRISTIAN
We need to talk in the bedroom…
JULIA SHWEETNER
(Smiling)
Oh, Christian…
EXT. MINNEAPOLIS – THE SUPERMARKET – NIGHT
Hoffman and his gang get out of the jeep and walk toward the supermarket. The shop is closed. Nearby, in the dark, we see two guys discussing something.
HAROLD HOFFMAN
Hazone! Shut these guys up, they’re preventing me from thinking!
Hazone runs up to guys and strikes them with a shovel. They fall on the asphalt and lose consciousness.
HAROLD HOFFMAN
Now let’s get back to our plans. What do people need to survive with? Food, health treatments, entertainment… let’s start by depriving people with food! Let’s go Silly!
Humpbacked Silly quickly takes out four canisters of gasoline from the car, and a bottle of incendiary mix and six bricks.
HAROLD HOFFMAN
Let’s do this quickly. Break the windows, pour the gasoline, and set it on fire and get the hell out of here. Ready?
Hitch, Silly and Hazone nod.
HAROLD HOFFMAN
Let’s force them into hunger! Let’s bring them to a life of ruin and hopelessness. No life, no light, no hope, only thoughts of death.
They quickly throw bricks into the show windows and pour the gasoline inside. In the supermarket, a flame flashes. They run away before it blows up.
HAROLD HOFFMAN
(Squeaky)
In the winter the sure way to be warmed up is to add spark!
The building sets on fire and blazes all around, a bright orange light can be seen from the skyline. They laugh and whistle.
HITCH
Holy shit!
HAROLD HOFFMAN
Having fun gentleman?!
HAZONE
How come we haven’t done this earlier?
HITCH
This is crazy fun!
HAROLD HOFFMAN
Let’s go boys! Get back in the car, we have more shops to burn!
HITCH
This is better than a holiday Harry!
HAZONE
Hell yeah!
Hitch and Hazone laugh joyfully as they look at a fire, like children watching fireworks for the first time.
HAROLD HOFFMAN
Hurry up boys!
INT. CHRISTIAN’S CAR – NIGHT
Christian and Julia driving along at a great speed, as they catch the fire ravaging through the supermarket at the corner of their eyes.
JULIA SHWEETNER
Oh my God! Did you see that?! What’s happening?
CHRISTIAN
I don’t know. Let’s go see.
Christian slows down and drives toward the incident.
EXT. MINNEAPOLIS – SUPERMARKET – NIGHT
Julia