Oscar Wilde: The Complete Works. Knowledge house
wife should trust her husband!
lady windermere
[C.] London is full of women who trust their husbands. One can always recognise them. They look so thoroughly unhappy. I am not going to be one of them. [Moves up.] Lord Darlington, will you give me back my fan, please? Thanks…. A useful thing a fan, isn’t it? … I want a friend to-night, Lord Darlington: I didn’t know I would want one so soon.
lord darlington
Lady Windermere! I knew the time would come some day; but why to-night?
·47· lord windermere
I will tell her. I must. It would be terrible if there were any scene. Margaret …
parker
Mrs. Erlynne!
[Lord Windermere starts. Mrs. Erlynne enters, very beautifully dressed and very dignified. Lady Windermere clutches at her fan, then lets it drop on the floor. She bows coldly to Mrs. Erlynne, who bows to her sweetly in turn, and sails into the room.]
lord darlington
You have dropped your fan, Lady Windermere. [Picks it up and hands it to her.]
mrs. erlynne
[C.] How do you do, again, Lord Windermere? How charming your sweet wife looks! Quite a picture!
lord windermere
[In a low voice.] It was terribly rash of you to come!
mrs. erlynne
[Smiling.] The wisest thing I ever did in my life. And, by the way, you must pay me a good deal of attention this evening. I am afraid of the ·48· women. You must introduce me to some of them. The men I can always manage. How do you do, Lord Augustus? You have quite neglected me lately. I have not seen you since yesterday. I am afraid you’re faithless. Every one told me so.
lord augustus
[R.] Now really, Mrs. Erlynne, allow me to explain.
mrs. erlynne
[R.C.] No, dear Lord Augustus, you can’t explain anything. It is your chief charm.
lord augustus
Ah! if you find charms in me, Mrs. Erlynne——
[They converse together. Lord Windermere moves uneasily about the room watching Mrs. Erlynne.]
lord darlington
[To Lady Windermere.] How pale you are!
lady windermere
Cowards are always pale!
lord darlington
You look faint. Come out on the terrace.
lady windermere
Yes. [To Parker.] Parker, send my cloak out.
·49· mrs. erlynne
[Crossing to her.] Lady Windermere, how beautifully your terrace is illuminated. Reminds me of Prince Doria’s at Rome.
[Lady Windermere bows coldly, and goes off with Lord Darlington.]
Oh, how do you do, Mr. Graham? Isn’t that your aunt, Lady Jedburgh? I should so much like to know her.
cecil graham
[After a moment’s hesitation and embarrassment.] Oh, certainly, if you wish it. Aunt Caroline, allow me to introduce Mrs. Erlynne.
mrs. erlynne
So pleased to meet you, Lady Jedburgh. [Sits beside her on the sofa.] Your nephew and I are great friends. I am so much interested in his political career. I think he’s sure to be a wonderful success. He thinks like a Tory and talks like a Radical, and that’s so important now-a-days. He’s such a brilliant talker, too. But we all know from whom he inherits that. Lord Allandale was saying to me only yesterday, in the Park, that Mr. Graham talks almost as well as his aunt.
lady jedburgh
[R.] Most kind of you to say these charming things to me! [Mrs. Erlynne smiles, and continues conversation.]
·50· dumby
[To Cecil Graham.] Did you introduce Mrs. Erlynne to Lady Jedburgh?
cecil graham
Had to, my dear fellow. Couldn’t help it! That woman can make one do anything she wants. How, I don’t know.
dumby
Hope to goodness she won’t speak to me! [Saunters towards Lady Plymdale.]
mrs. erlynne
[C. To Lady Jedburgh.] On Thursday? With great pleasure. [Rises, and speaks to Lord Windermere, laughing.] What a bore it is to have to be civil to these old dowagers! But they always insist on it!
lady plymdale
[To Mr. Dumby.] Who is that well-dressed woman talking to Windermere?
dumby
Haven’t got the slightest idea! Looks like an édition de luxe of a wicked French novel, meant specially for the English market.
mrs. erlynne
So that is poor Dumby with Lady Plymdale? I hear she is frightfully jealous of him. He doesn’t ·51· seem anxious to speak to me to-night. I suppose he is afraid of her. Those straw-coloured women have dreadful tempers. Do you know, I think I’ll dance with you first, Windermere. [Lord Windermere bites his lip and frowns.] It will make Lord Augustus so jealous! Lord Augustus! [Lord Augustus comes down.] Lord Windermere insists on my dancing with him first, and, as it’s his own house, I can’t well refuse. You know I would much sooner dance with you.
lord augustus
[With a low bow.] I wish I could think so, Mrs. Erlynne.
mrs. erlynne
You know it far too well. I can fancy a person dancing through life with you and finding it charming.
lord augustus
[Placing his hand on his white waistcoat.] Oh, thank you, thank you. You are the most adorable of all ladies!
mrs. erlynne
What a nice speech! So simple and so sincere! Just the sort of speech I like. Well, you shall hold my bouquet. [Goes towards ball-room on Lord Windermere’s arm.] Ah, Mr. Dumby, how are you? I am so sorry I have been out the last three times you have called. Come and lunch on Friday.
·52· dumby
[With perfect nonchalance.] Delighted!
[Lady Plymdale glares with indignation at Mr. Dumby. Lord Augustus follows Mrs. Erlynne and Lord Windermere into the ball-room holding bouquet.]
lady plymdale
[To Mr. Dumby.] What an absolute brute you are! I never can believe a word you say! Why did you tell me you didn’t know her? What do you mean by calling on her three times running? You are not to go to lunch there; of course you understand that?
dumby
My dear Laura, I wouldn’t dream of going!
lady plymdale
You haven’t told me her name yet! Who is she?
dumby
[Coughs slightly and smooths his hair.] She’s a Mrs. Erlynne.
lady plymdale
That woman!
dumby
Yes; that is what every one calls her.
lady