A Smart Girl's Guide: Friendship Troubles (Revised). Patti Kelley Criswell
all about
friends
Remember kindergarten? Back then, friendships were pretty easy. Your
parents arranged your play dates. If you and your friend had a fight about
who got the cherry lollipop, an adult stepped in and calmed things down.
Now you’re older, and a lot’s changed. You’re choosing your own friends
and trying to solve your own problems. You need more from your
friends, and they need more from you.
You’ve learned that a true friendship is a two-way street, and that both
people have to work to make a relationship a success. You listen to
your friend when she’s having a bad day, and she does the same for you.
Neither one of you is “in charge.” You’re equal. You can compromise
when you need to, and you both know that your opinions matter.
Every friendship is a little different. You may value one girl for the way
she makes you laugh when you’re down. You may value another for the
way she helps you solve problems. Underneath it all, though, the best
friendships share some very basic things.
what makes
a great friend?
What some girls say:
“A really good friend has
to be able to understand
you and the way you think,
appreciate you for who you
are, and always keep your
secrets. When a friend lies,
it can ruin a friendship for
a long time.”
“A real friend sticks
up for you in tough
situations.”
“A friend should be someone
you are comfortable with—
not someone who you are
afraid will laugh at you.”
“I like a friend who is nice, truthful,
and fun to be with. Also creative, so
we are never bored.”
“A true friend doesn’t get
mad at every little thing.”
“I think a real friend is someone who
likes you for who you are. My best friend
is more popular than I am and has a lot
more friends than I do. She has so many
other choices, but she picked me because
she likes me.”
“Someone who will encourage me.”
“A friend is dependable and doesn’t
just say she will be there and not
show up. It’s a trust thing.”
What you say
Think about it. What do you think makes a great friend? On a piece
of paper, make a list of qualities that a girl should have to be one of
your good friends. Put a r next to the things you can’t do without.
Quiz!
Good friends are good for you. How do your buddies measure up? Picture
each girl in your mind and ask yourself whether these statements are true
or not.
After we’re together, I feel happy and
good about myself.
yes no
When something good happens, she’s the first one
I want to tell, because I know she’ll be really
excited for me.
yes no
When I’m angry about something and just need
to talk, she’ll listen.
yes no
When I say, “OK, we’ll do it your way,”
it doesn’t feel like I’m giving in, because chances are that
the last time we disagreed, she did things my way.
yes no
She brings out the best in me.
yes no
We never run out of things to talk about.
yes no
When she’s sad or upset, I feel bad and want to
help in any way I can.
yes no
true friend test
I can make a total fool of myself, and she
won’t cut me down for it.
yes no
I would stand up for her, and I know she’d do
the same for me.
yes no
We can sit and work on a project or watch TV and
not say a word—it never feels awkward.
yes no
answer:
The girl who inspires you to say yes to these statements is a friend
through and through. Hold on to her.
And the others? Well, it’s the rare friendship that’s absolutely perfect.
But answering no many times is not a good sign. Just because you’ve
been friends with a girl for a long time or because you spend a lot
of time together doesn’t mean a friendship is true-blue.
Friendship File
Lydia
Lydia is short, spunky, and creative. She used
to hang out with four or five other girls at
school, and while she wasn’t the most popular
girl, she wasn’t at the bottom of the heap,
either. Lydia loved to speak her mind (which
sometimes got her into trouble), but she also
loved to help people. She figured her friends
felt the same way, so when tragedy struck,
she turned to them.