A Smart Girl's Guide: Manners (Revised). Nancy Holyoke
more natural they’ll seem. A little work on the out-
side girl lets the girl inside shine through—and that, of
course, is the entire point.
Stand tall
Your body says a lot about what you think of yourself. Hold your head
up. Pull your shoulders back. Talk in a strong voice. Walk like a girl who’s
ready to meet the world, and you’ll begin to feel like one. You’ll find
that others will see you that way, too.
Make eye contact
Look people in the eye. It shows that you’re friendly and honest. It also
tells others that you’re interested in them and in what they’re saying.
Say hello
“Hi” means “I know you. I’m glad to see you, even if we’re not going to
stop and talk.” Silence means . . . well, who knows? It might mean “I’m
mad at you” or “I don’t like you”—or simply “There you are, but so
what?”
Use names
Greet people by name. It shows that you care who they are, which
makes them feel good.
If you have trouble remembering names, practice saying them when
they’re fresh in your mind. For instance, if you’re introduced to a new
girl, say her name right away. (If you didn’t quite catch it, ask her to
repeat it until you do.) Then use her name several more times before the
conversation’s done. The more often you use the name today, the better
chance you have of remembering it tomorrow.
Shake hands
Step up and shake hands when you’re saying hello to an adult, especially
if the situation is fairly formal. Offer your right hand (even if you’re left-
handed) and say the person’s name: “Hi, Ms. Puptent.” When she puts
her hand in yours, clasp it firmly for one quick shake.
choose your words
Manners are all about communication, so put some thought into
the words you use to express yourself.
Those magic words people have been telling you about all your life
really are sort of magic. Say “please” and people cooperate. Say “thank
you” and get a smile. These words make everything a little easier and
happier—both for others and for you.
Other words are better avoided entirely. Junk words, for instance. Words
that have nothing to do with the sense of a sentence can be, you know,
like, so annoying, like, if you, like, use them constantly, you know? So don’t.
Then there are all those lazy words—hmm, nah, eh, huh, yeah. We all
use them, but overdo it and you’ll give the impression that you dragged
yourself out of a deep sleep to have this conversation and wish you
were still in bed.
Lots of kids use put-downs when they’re kidding around with their
friends. “So what?” “Who cares?” “Shut up.” Put-downs are supposed
to be funny. Maybe. But a put-down always makes another person feel
a bit dumber than she did before you said it. Put-downs sting—maybe
a little, maybe a lot.
Keep in mind that words that work with one kind of person
might not work with another. For instance, you and a close
friend may say “duh” just in fun. But if you use “duh” with a kid you
don’t know well, it’s hurtful. And if you use it with an adult, it’s insulting.
Swear words: You don’t need them. With
hundreds of thousands of words to choose
from in the English language, why use the ones
that were designed to insult and offend people?
Finally, pleasant words don’t count if the tone
of your voice says something entirely differ-
ent. Yell “I’m sorry,” and it means you’re not.
respect
It all boils down to respect.
Your manners tell other people that you respect them. Your manners
also say that you respect yourself.
You’re strong and self-reliant—you don’t have to put yourself first.
You’re in control. You’re poised. You know that offering respect to
people who are older than you are and people in authority doesn’t
take away from the respect you have for yourself.
In fact, you know that the more respect you give, the more
you get.
In a world with a lot of selfishness, you choose kindness and honor.
Who wouldn’t respect a person like that?
let’s talk
introductions
It’s open house at your new school, and the place is packed. You spot
a girl you knew in preschool, a boy from the pool, even your old babysit-
ter. So many familiar faces! What do you do when you end up in the
library with friends who don’t know each other? Introduce them.
Say both names and get things started by offering a little information
about each person. There are a few rules about how to do this, but if
you forget the rules, it’s not the end of the world. The worst mistake is
not to make the introduction at all.
Address the older person first.
Mr. Kander, I’d like
to introduce my friend
Freddy Ebb.
Freddy,
Mr. Kander
works with my mom.
Address a woman before a man.
Lynn Fontanne,
I’d like to introduce
my swim coach, Al Lunt.
Al, Lynn used to
babysit