A Smart Girl's Guide: Manners (Revised). Nancy Holyoke
this be you? Take note of your answers.
1. A girl on the bus told Phoebe that Sofia did something incredibly
mean to Maya. Is it true? Who knows? Who cares? It’s exciting, so
you repeat it to Jasmine.
yes no
2. “Promise you won’t tell?” asks Rachel. “Promise,” you reply. But you
do tell. It’s OK. You made the other person promise not to tell.
yes no
3. Everybody’s dumping on Madison. She’s mean, she’s stuck-up, she’s
two-faced—and she cheated on the English test. You say nothing,
though you know it’s not true.
yes no
4. When the other girls start talking about Daniel, you blurt out Jing’s
secret: “Jing likes him.” Oh, well. What’s the big deal about keeping
that a secret, anyway?
yes no
5. “Emma’s dad yells at her all the time,” you say. Actually, you heard
him yell at her once. And maybe it wasn’t so much yelling as talking
loud. Still, he was mad.
yes no
Answers
If you answered yes, here’s what you need to know.
1. Don’t repeat what you don’t know. Rumors can hurt people—
damage their reputations, lose them friends, leave them crying in
their rooms late at night. Keeping a rumor alive to amuse yourself is
as bad as starting the rumor to begin with. For that matter, even if
you do know something is true, it’s mean to repeat it if it’s going to
hurt someone else.
2. The responsibility for keeping a secret you promised to keep
belongs to you and you alone. You’re kidding yourself if you think
you can pass it off to the next person in line. You let it out, and
odds are excellent that this third person will treat her promise as
lightly as you did yours.
3. Silence in a situation like this amounts to agreeing with something
you know is wrong. Speak up with the truth.
4. It’s not up to you to decide whether or not a friend’s confidence is
important. If she asked you not to repeat it, that’s all that counts
5. Rumors grow from half-truths, exaggerations, and plain old
ignorance. Be responsible for what you say. Little fibs can morph
into huge lies.
Quiz
nosy questions
When it comes to conversation, there are good questions and there
are nosy questions. Good questions lead people to talk about things
they want to talk about. Nosy questions embarrass them or make them
uncomfortable. Do you know a nosy question when you see one? Find
out. Identify the questions that should not have been asked.
1. Nice car,
Mr. Addams.
How much did
it cost?
2. That birdhouse
is neat. How
long did it take
you to make it?
3. Did you grow
up in Ottumwa,
Mr. Watterson?
4. What’s your
middle name?
5. How much
does your
cat weigh?
6. How much
do you weigh?
7. I heard that your cousin
committed suicide.
Why did he do it?
8. Mrs. Steig, do you
dye your hair?
10. Your hair sure is
white, Mrs. Thurber.
Just how old are you
9. We could hear your
parents fighting last
night from next door.
What was it about?
11. May I see the
new kittens,
please?
12. Is Garry going to summer
camp again, Mrs. Outcault?
13. Why did your dad
get fired? Was he
bad at his job or
something?
14. Why does your
brother take
those pills?
15. What do your parents
keep in there?
16. Is there a
bathroom on
this floor?
Answers
OK questions: 2, 3, 4, 5, 11, 12, 16
Nosy questions: 1, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 14, 15
what do you do?
What to say when you don’t know what to say.
Your brother’s girlfriend walks in the door. Her hair is red.
Yesterday it was blonde—and looked a whole lot better.
An obvious change in someone’s appearance is like an elephant in
the kitchen—it’s just too big to ignore. But if you say what you’re
thinking, this girl will feel terrible. So make it short and sweet: “You
changed your hair! Cool.” It’s not right to lie, but sometimes it’s better
to leave a thought unsaid than to hurt someone.
Jenna bursts into tears at lunch. Sobbing, she tells you,
“My parents are getting divorced!”
Express your sympathy and concern (“I’m really sorry!”). Offer what
help you can (“You can come over to my house anytime”). If Jenna
doesn’t want to talk, leave her in peace. If she does want to talk,
listen. Questions about her future are OK (“Will you still come to this
school?”).