Love Dharma. Geri Larkin
years old, appeared, complete with his own retinue of Brahmins, householders, courtiers, orderlies, and guards. 2 Overhearing a teaching about how peace comes from living a life free from the cravings of sensual pleasures, Bimbisara realized that Buddha was no ordinary teacher and invited him and his followers to a meal the next day.
At that meal the king served the monk and his disciples with his own hands—something that was never done. Following the meal he gave Buddha a huge bamboo wood grove near the northern gate of the city of Rajagaha so Buddha and his entourage would always have a quiet refuge to return to in the rainy season.
The king also asked to become Buddha’s disciple. When he was accepted he brought with him followers by the thousands, including Ambapali, who had heard about Buddha from her lover. She was completely struck by the teaching about desire and how grasping and craving for pleasure only leads to trouble. She had seen the consequences of such cravings among the princes who loved her, who were willing to kill each other over her even when she clearly had no interest in a monogamous relationship. Even when she was pregnant with Bimbisara’s son, Ambapali held that her independence was too important to settle down with one partner. No asking for permission, no wrestling over how clean a room needed to be, no staying awake because Bimbisara was snoring and she was obligated to stay in his bed. In this way the courtesan kept her charm and beauty fresh for years.
Ambapali was clearly her own woman. And she was deeply respected for her independence. There is a wonderful story about how the Buddha, many years after they had first met, was traveling through Vesali, where Ambapali lived, and stopped at her mango grove to rest. When she heard that he was there, Ambapali quickly went to visit him, to see if she could offer him and his followers food or if there were any other ways she could help them to be more comfortable. In response, Buddha offered her a one-on-one teaching on the four noble truths and eightfold path. Inspired, Ambapali invited him and all his monks to her living quarters for a feast the next day.
As she was leaving, rushing a little because she had so much work ahead of her, a couple of princes from the area stopped her to ask if she was okay. This wasn’t the calm courtesan they knew. When Ambapali told them about her encounter with Buddha they begged her to let them host him instead.
Nope.
Figuring that if they go to Buddha themselves he would override Ambapali, the princes tracked him down and invited him to a meal the next day—at their palaces. While it was true that Ambapali was an independent woman, she was still just a woman. They were certain Buddha would accept their offer.
Nope.
Buddha had already accepted Ambapali’s invitation. Frustrated, they exclaimed, “We have been defeated by that mango girl! We have been tricked by that mango girl!” 3 Ambapali didn’t budge.
Even in the face of the potential wrath and rejection by several of her lovers, the courtesan hosted a wonderfully successful meal. At the end of it she gave the monks her mango grove so that they would have more choices for refuges during the rainy season.
Ambapali followed Buddha for years. When her son by Bimbisara, Vimala Kondanna, grew up, he also became a monk and achieved enlightenment. One day, hearing a sermon from her son, Ambapali decided it was time to do her spiritual work full-time, quickly falling into her own awakeness.
The courtesan’s verses of enlightenment reflect a deep understanding of how silly it is to depend on fleeting things for happiness, and her take on physical beauty is particularly powerful:
My hair was black, the color of bees,
Each hair ending in a curl.
Now on account of old age
It has become like fibers of hemp:
Not otherwise is the word
Of the Speaker of Truth.
Covered with flowers my head was fragrant
Like a casket of delicate scent. Now on account of old age
It smells like the fur of a dog. Not otherwise is the word
Of the Speaker of Truth . . .
Brilliant and beautiful like jewels,
My eyes were dark blue and long in shape.
Now, hit hard by old age,
Their beauty has utterly vanished.
Not otherwise is the word
Of the Speaker of Truth . . .
Attended by millions of creatures
I went forth in the Conqueror’s Teaching.
I have attained the unshakable state,
I am a true daughter of the Buddha.
I am a master of spiritual powers
And of the purified ear-element.
I am, O great sage, a master of knowledge
Encompassing the minds of others.
I know my previous abodes,
The divine eye is purified,
All my cankers have been destroyed,
Now there is no more re-becoming. 4
It is said that Ambapali was so enlightened that she was able to recollect all of her previous lives, including seeing all the times when she had been a prostitute or a nun. Even in years that were rough, when she had given in to desire and submission, she also saw how she had been capable of tremendous generosity and kindness until, in this lifetime, she had become a true daughter to Buddha’s teachings.
Personal Wholeness
When we accept that we are responsible for our own lives, miracles can happen. One of them is that we start shedding all the “shoulds” and start to see our “suchness,” or who we really are beneath all the masks and roles. We start to feed the suchness, and the more we feed it the 3 happier we become.
Every year I sit down to write a vision of what I expect my life to be in five years—an authentic life without “shoulds,” without masks. On a blank piece of paper I write the following categories down the left side of the page:
home
work
relationships
art
spiritual effort
what else?
Then I give myself ten minutes to write about each topic. For the category “home,” the writing begins with the phrase: “In five years, I’ll live . . .” And then I let her rip. Whatever comes out, comes out. My hand gallops across the page as fast as I can move it. I don’t stop for anybody or anything. This includes grammar, punctuation, and spelling.
When the timer goes off I start the second section: “In five years I’ll be . . .” That section is about livelihood. Where will the money come from to pay the bills? Next section: “In five years the relationships in my life will include . . .” For art, I write about music, drawing, and writing. Then, “In five years, spiritually . . .” Finally, to make sure that nothing has been left out of the vision, I always end with ten minutes for answering the question “Anything else?” Looks like I’ll have a puppy somewhere in the next three years. His name will be Spot.
This is a deeply comforting exercise. It offers an instant taste of wholeness and always stirs up excitement in its doing. Best of all, anytime I need to make a decision related to any of these topics, I can always ask myself which choice will move my life in the direction of the vision. In that way the visions become reality.
There’s more. The exercise itself provides visible proof that not only are we responsible for our own lives, but the very act of taking responsibility opens our hearts so excitement can seep in. This is the same excitement that we feel when our spiritual practice deepens. The two feed