Coaching with Heart. Jerry Lynch
to instill in those we coach and lead. Traditionally, the work of a coach has been steeped in the left hemisphere of the brain, giving little or no attention to these heart-based attributes of their work and performance. I notice that good coaches are looking for ways to get help to coach with heart. They understand that without heart, a tone is set with a team, an organization, a family or individual that is often unloving, uncaring, and spiritless in a “results-driven” culture. Compare this to the cultures under the guidance of highly successful leaders and coaches such as a Dean Smith or a John Wooden and you will see that these brilliant leaders have much love in their coaching, not of the romantic nature but love demonstrated by deep caring, warmth, positive regard, respect, and compassion, all essential absolutes for coaching and leading with heart.
The good news is that these essential absolutes, this skill-set of interpersonal tools, is not innate and can be taught and learned with practice. According to the science of neuro-plasticity, this skill-set is trainable; you can intentionally change how your brain functions to more positive, caring, and cooperative ways. This is what we will attempt to accomplish together in this book. These learned skills are often referred to as Emotional Intelligence (EI). All extraordinary coaches possess EI. In his bestselling book, Search Inside Yourself, Chade-Meng Tan talks extensively about EI as the essential ingredient that makes good leaders into great leaders. He points out that 80% of effective leadership qualities are made up from emotional intelligence and continues to emphasize that the most single, significant factor that differentiates top level leaders from the bottom is their handle on the interpersonal skill piece. It was what I experienced with Coach Dean Smith during my visit. EI makes all of us better, more effective leaders enabling each of us to make a difference with so many in our lives.
IN THE SPIRIT OF COACHING
Perhaps the two most important questions on this quest (quest-ions) that must be asked by all of us before we continue along this path are: First, why do you do what you do? This relates to the motivation underlying your work. Second, what is your purpose and intention? The answers to each of these deeply spiritual queries will serve as beacons or lighthouses on the horizon that will keep you on target. These questions require you to dig down deep inside and search for a higher purpose, one that ultimately relates to the spirituality of coaching.
My approach and assumption is that coaching is a human endeavor, one of creating healthy, enthusiastic, passionate athletes and teams. Athletes and coaches are spiritual in nature, have bodies, minds, hearts, and aspirations. We are all spiritual beings having an athletic experience, as opposed to athletes and coaches having a spiritual experience. The more I include the whole person in my coaching, the more effective, satisfied, and successful I am. Spirituality plays a significant role in my coaching effectiveness as I continue to help others transform their view of sports and its role in the full development of all who participate. It is this spirituality of coaching that enables me to inspire and empower those whom I lead. Oren Lyons, leader, caretaker, and faith keeper of the Native American Tradition and a member of the Onondaga Council of Chiefs, claims that you can’t have effective leadership without spirituality. In the absence of spirituality, you have a one-dimensional approach which is called the absence of heart.
Highly effective coaches are dual-dimensional in their leadership. First, they incorporate the necessary Xs and Os, details, strategic planning, technical information, and other essential cognitive absolutes that cover the physical aspects of their sport. Then, dancing between these essentials (see introduction for more on this) is the inspiration, the empowerment, the caring, respect, positive regard, and most importantly, trust and compassion, all those affective spiritual elements of the heart. These coaches are leaders who, through strong relationships, manage to guide their athletes to “go the distance” and realize their full potential in sport. It is no different than guiding your children as a good parent. The ancient Taoist sage, Sun-Tzu, author of the classic book, The Art of War, reminds us how to get the most from others by leading with heart:
“Regard your soldiers as your children, and they may
follow wherever you lead. Look upon them as your
beloved sons and they will stand by you until death.”
His message of the heart to all generals, heads of state, and other leaders is as relevant in today’s world of coaching as it was when he wrote this classic over two thousand years ago. Of the two dimensions it is this spiritual heart-related dimension that this book addresses. I aim to demonstrate ways that we can be better able to make the connection and dance between both dimensions and begin to be more open, trusting, vulnerable, confident, and aware that we are part of a larger game, greater than the one we coach. With the spirituality of coaching as a guiding light for our leadership, athletics becomes a conduit for inner growth, change, and expansion for those we coach, helping them to experience something other than the ordinary. This is when we all live, play, coach, and compete in alignment with our hearts, the place where we do our very best to be the best we can be. It is a sacred space of greater meaning, higher performance, and value to all of our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs and all that we aspire to be.
WU SHI LEADERSHIP
Ancient Chinese Taoist warriors were not interested in war, violence, and fighting to overcome others. They were heroic in nature, a culture of enlightened and awakened warriors possessing heart-felt traits and virtues. According to these great spirits, the power of these virtues was greater than the power of arms, the power one exerts over another in an authoritative way. Such evolved, cultivated, and civilized leaders were considered brave, compassionate, courageous athletes of iron will and indomitable spirit. They engaged in battles against fear, frustration, failure, and self-doubt while fighting for inner peace, strength, honor, majesty, love, gratefulness, trust, and respect. These battles were fought with intangible weapons of the heart such as fearlessness, courage, patience, persistence, integrity, tenacity, and fortitude. All obstacles were perceived as opportunities to learn, grow, and become more aware of possibilities rather than disabilities. In Chinese, this heart-felt spirit is referred to as Wu Shi, the Warrior Spirit. It is a sacred spirit much in alignment with the notion of the spirituality of coaching and sports.
For practical purposes, I will define Wu Shi or the Warrior Spirit as a dance between striving to win, yet not needing to win to be successful. It’s a sacred space, one where you as a coach embrace athletes as partners in a mentoring dance of give and take, learning from each other what needs to be known in order to advance and go the distance in sports and life (see introduction for more). The Warrior Spirit helps you to sacrifice and give to others, inspire them to push past the breaking point, become comfortable with being uncomfortable, know when less is more, soft is strong, accept responsibility, remain accountable, be willing to suffer, lose, be vulnerable, and fail if that’s what it takes to ultimately win the battle before the war begins. The Warrior Spirit, this “dancing heart of coaching” is all about being mindful, self-aware, enthusiastic, passionate, spiritually and emotionally alive, while providing safe environments that help to cultivate peak capacities and potentialities through the use and application of strong warrior heart-based virtues and behaviors.
The Taoist warrior leader relied heavily upon the wisdom of the Tao Te Ching. Let me give you a glimpse of how this all ties in with the spirituality, heart, and the love of coaching.
Basically, there is no need to go to a Taoist temple high in the mountains of China to be such a warrior leader. All you need to be is a good human being. Spiritual warriorship is not about mastering others but about mastering yourself. And there is no path to such mastery: mastery is the path, an everyday practice of being kind, genuine, respectful, aware, vulnerable, balanced, humble, courageous, iron-willed, fearless, and intense yet calm. Traditionally, for such warrior leaders, war was a way of life. For the “new” warrior, life is a war, a battle of the inner struggles over self-doubt, fear, frustration, fatigue, and uncertainty. Armed with weapons of the heart, the warrior sees the bigger picture,