Coaching with Heart. Jerry Lynch
pure intentions, acts with integrity, has passion, and love, and takes the higher road to do the right thing.
Very simply, as I state in the introduction to this book, with an increase of love, compassion, and spirituality in our coaching, athletes become happy, trust and respect deepen, and results and outcomes are significantly enhanced. When we develop Wu Shi (Warrior Spirit) relationships, those we lead are happy and work longer and stronger; when they work longer and stronger, results and outcomes usually improve.
The question we might ask is: how can you bring your full, complete, loving, human self to your coaching and use sports as a micro-cosmic classroom for personal, emotional, and spiritual growth for athletes and yourself in the arena of performance and in the bigger game of life? The answer, as we will discover, lies within the give and take dancing heart of Wu Shi leadership.
FIRMNESS YET FAIRNESS
With all the talk about kindness, caring, love, and heart, you may wonder if there’s a place for being tough with your athletes, for raising your voice, for establishing strict boundaries, for using disciplinary measures. Absolutely, you can do all of this. In fact, if you really love your athletes, if you really care for them, to do anything less than this when appropriate would demonstrate a lack of caring. You are being kind when you enforce boundaries and refuse to tolerate a violation of team culture. Dancing heart coaches are very fair yet firm and these two items are not mutually exclusive.
He was one of the most fearless and highly respected chiefs in the New York City Fire Department during his day. People under his command said how brave he was, leading dozens of men, half his age, into the belly of a raging fire. He led by example and guided others to places they needed to be. They listened to him because he was firm yet always fair. I learned my first lessons on leadership from this remarkable leader—he was my Dad.
The I Ching, the ancient Chinese book of change and transformation, validates what my dad intuitively knew to be correct. This Tao classic states that “it is necessary that a leader have firmness with fairness and an encouraging attitude toward others.” Being strict yet impartial helps a leader to be admired, honored, and obeyed.
To be firm, you need to establish certain clear and understood boundaries, what will and will not be tolerated. The boundaries create a sense of security for your athletes. Knowing the parameters of behavior makes for clean, predictable, and familiar circumstances. Yet within these firm boundaries, there needs to be an element of fairness—treating others as they deserve to be treaded, with kindness and respect.
Coach John Wooden, of the UCLA basketball team, where he won 10 national championships, knows that being fair doesn’t mean treating everyone alike. That’s because everyone does not earn the same treatment. In his book Wooden, he explains that fairness is giving to others what they earn. He also points out that being fair at all times is not possible. He encourages making a sincere effort; others will recognize that about you, whether it’s your kids, employees, or athletes. Wooden was respected by his athletes, and they competed and played with heart because he treated them firmly yet fairly.
To be fair in your leadership, you must refrain from making arbitrary decisions. For example, the star athlete is not given less of a punishment for wrongdoing than the athlete who hardly plays. Going outside the team boundaries—curfews, promptness, alcohol tolerance—calls for consistent consequences, regardless of one’s role on the team. This is fair. And remember that with consistency of enforcement, there is order; inconsistent leadership leads to disorder. Along these lines, Sun-Tzu reminds us that if you show favor or indulge others, you are not coaching them well. That is not coaching with heart.
BEING THE FIVE SENSES
My work, at times, has not made sense. I have not made sense, as well. You want to be sure that your coaching style makes sense. Here are my Big 5, the five senses that make sense in order to be a sensible leader and coach…and sensitive as well.
1. A Sense of Humor. Hold yourself lightly. If you take yourself too seriously, you are in deep trouble. Your calling is serious business but not you. You are a silly, sometimes crazy, yet a great human and by definition you screw up, you fail, your athletes and followers fail, the Dali Lama fails…we are all human and this is how it is. You are not your title, your position, your degrees, your possessions, or your status. At your core, you are simply a human being, and it would be a good act of compassion to accept yourself as such. I like to think about the leaders in the comedy series and movie, M.A.S.H. Who do you like and dislike? And why? Guess what? Those who had humor and didn’t take themselves seriously were highly effective. You decide, but the role of humor in leadership and coaching is imperative for the “safe environment” we all wish to create. What you do is meaningful but that doesn’t mean you must take it so seriously all the time.
2. A Sense of Generosity. Think of coaching and leadership as a “giving process” not a “getting process.” Look for ways to give, serve, and help. When a follower fails or does something wrong, give guidance, hope, caring, direction, forgiveness, and tolerance and watch them get quickly back on track. Be generous with love, respect, and trust. Care! You are a servant. More on service later.
3. A Sense of Possibility. Ask your followers to dream things that never were and ask, Why not? Promote courage to take risks and not worry about outcomes. The process of risk taking empowers them to keep going in the face of setback knowing that we all learn and improve in that way. No Risk, No Gain is my mantra.
4. A Sense of Gratitude. Help others to embrace what they have been given…healthy bodies, minds, hearts, opportunities, work, life. Have them understand that all successful people seem to have a deep sense of appreciation and their work and performance becomes a huge reflection of that gratitude. I will go into greater detail with this as the book progresses.
5. A Sense of Humility. Remember that we are all interconnected to something greater than self. I am quick to remind my seminarians and athletes whom I lead and coach that all of who I am and what I do is not my doing. Without others in my life—including those I lead and coach—I could not do what I do and would not be who I am.
I am honored and privileged to be asked by others to work with them.
They teach me all that I need to know so I can, in turn, teach them. It is a give and take and I humbly recognize and embrace that. It is the Wu Shi dance I wrote about earlier in this part of the book.
As I read over this Big 5, I realize that without these, I cannot do my work. My work is being these and from that place, my influence spreads…so will yours. When I disconnect from any one of these, I notice that I struggle in all of my life. I encourage you to practice these five in addition to all else that makes you shine.
WHEN STUDENT IS READY,
TEACHER APPEARS
Do you ever wonder why you can’t seem to motivate your athletes? How often do we as coaches and leaders become frustrated, upset, annoyed, perturbed, confused, puzzled, disgusted, perplexed, or completely baffled by our seeming inability to motivate and perform our task of coaching others? I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have seen this happen. For example, I was talking with a coach recently who was concerned about three of his very talented athletes who were not listening and following his program. He was completely frustrated that he could not motivate these kids to raise their level of commitment to “go the distance” and realize their full potential. He was taking it very personally and was beginning to see himself as a failure. Truth is, bus drivers cannot transport others unless they get on the bus. (Have you noticed how often busses have the name “coach” written on the side? There is a reason for this). So it is as a leader and coach. The person must get on board with you (the bus) and be ready to travel to places they never dreamed possible. In Chinese there is a compelling expression that addresses this point: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” Yes, and the teacher