Real Hope, True Freedom. Milton S Magness
those who participate in a single pornographic film or video to be so devastated from the degradation and loss of self-respect that they quit the adult film industry altogether. Yet, the damage has already been done to their sense of self. They cannot take back the images of themselves, now forever on the Internet; forever fearful they could be discovered in the future by someone they love.
Pornography passively promotes prostitution. Even though much of the pornography available today can be viewed for free, the models used to produce pornography are generally paid for sexual acts—this is the heart of prostitution. Viewing any pornography supports an industry focused on exploiting vulnerable women, men, and children. It is interesting that even some people who are the most vocal in denouncing the exploitation of others will minimize the contribution they make with regard to victimizing others through their own use of pornography.
19 Porn Hub, “2015: Year in Review,” January 6, 2016, http://www.pornhub.com/insights/pornhub-2015-year-in-review.
20 J. Hesch, “2014 ProvenMen.org Pornography Addiction Survey,” ProvenMen.org, 2014, http://www.provenmen.org/2014pornsurvey/pornography-use-and-addiction/#addiction.
21 Ibid.
22 Barna Group, “Teens & Young Adults Use Porn More Than Anyone Else,” Research Releases in Culture & Media, January 28, 2016, https://www.barna.com/research/teens-young-adults-use-porn-more-than-anyone-else/#.V-MAjzsXb-0.
23 C. Sun, A. Bridges, J. A. Johnson, and M. Ezzell, “Pornography and the Male Sexual Script: An Analysis of Consumption and Sexual Relations,” Archives of Sexual Behavior, 45, no. 4 (2016): 983–994, doi:10.1007/s10508-014-0391-2.
24 Ibid.
25 S. R. Braithwaite, G. Coulson, K. Keddington, and F. D. Fincham, “The Influence of Pornography on Sexual Scripts and Hooking Up among Emerging Adults in College,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 44, no. 1 (January 2015): 111–123, doi: 10.1007/s10508-014-0351-x.
26 A. Mialon and A. Berchtold, “Sexual Dysfunctions among Young Men: Prevalence and Associated Factors,” Journal of Adolescent Health 51, no. 1 (July, 2012): 25–31.
27 Samuel Perry, et al., “Till Porn Do Us Part? Longitudinal Effects of Pornography Use on Divorce,” paper presented at 111th Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association, Seattle, August 22, 2016, http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2016-08/asa-bpu081616.php.
THE PROGRESSION OF SEX ADDICTION
Julian’s Story __________________
Julian did not set out to become a sex addict. He remembers learning to masturbate at age ten after a classmate told him how. He was soon masturbating daily and multiple times on some days. Julian did not see his first pornography until he was almost out of high school. He said he was hooked from the first video he watched and could not seem to get enough.
When he married at age twenty-three, Julian was sure he would be able to stop masturbating and viewing pornography. For a few years, he seemed to have his sexual desires under control. He and his wife had an active and satisfying sex life.
Julian stumbled onto a website that had classified listings of people who offered sexual services through spas, massage parlors, modeling studios, and photography studios. On a lark, he decided to take his camera to a photography studio, hoping he could take photos of a nude woman. Instead he found the studio was just a cover for a brothel, and that day he engaged his first prostitute.
Trying to keep this new behavior to a minimum, Julian determined that he would not spend more than $100 a month on it but soon he was finding ways to stretch his budget and was making multiple visits to prostitutes each month. Recently, Julian was arrested after he agreed online to pay for sex from a girl who said she was sixteen but was very mature for her age. Subsequent to his arrest, Julian’s wife filed for divorce. He is now awaiting trial being charged with the solicitation of a minor.
Not every sex addict will progress to illegal behaviors. In fact, most sex addicts do not ever commit a sexual offense—that is engage in sexual behavior that includes rape, incest, or sex with minors. Yet, the reality is that sex addiction is a progressive chronic intimacy disorder in which the addictive behaviors, the amount of time devoted to the addiction, and the risks taken generally escalate over time. One sexual behavior often leads to another and sometimes to whole new categories of acting out.
Sex addiction frequently takes a person to a depth of depravity and personal degradation that he or she would not have believed possible. As the addiction progresses addicts stand on a precipice, measure the jump, and invariably underestimate how far they will fall.
At the risk of offending Shakespeare enthusiasts, “To masturbate or not to masturbate. That is the question.” The recovery community is divided on whether masturbation is a problematic behavior for sex addicts. Sex addiction therapists are also in disagreement as to whether masturbation can or should be a part of life for a sex addict who is in recovery.28
There is a lot of talk about whether masturbation for sex addicts is healthy or not. If your spouse is all right with masturbation and you are both open about it, is it okay?
Partners would certainly prefer their sexually addicted partner masturbate rather than engage in sex with other people. Early in recovery, both sex addicts and their partners may not have any problem with masturbation.
With masturbation, one partner uses sexual energy on himself or herself that could be focused on the couple. When I ask recovering couples how often they have sex with each other and whether the frequency is about right or they wish it were more or less frequent, most respond that they wish they were sexual more often. In virtually all of these couples, before recovery the sex addict was masturbating several times a month to as many as several times a day, with most addicts endorsing masturbation two to three times a week. The easiest solution for these couples was to eliminate or significantly reduce sex with self so the available sexual energy can be focused on the relationship.
Partners of sex addicts may suggest that masturbation is okay when fantasizing about the spouse. However, sex addicts are still objectifying and reducing their partner to a sex object. It’s important to be aware that sex addicts in recovery often struggle with their thoughts to keep fantasy—even about one’s partner—from leading to other forms of acting out.
As a sex addict, how do I determine if masturbation is healthy or not?
Proponents would say that masturbation may be healthy if fantasy is not the fuel for it. Others would say that it is healthy if it only happens with a certain frequency. Still others suggest that masturbation is fine so long as pornography is not involved.
One of the core beliefs of sex addicts is that sex is their most important need. Looking for rationalizations to continue to masturbate is another expression of a sex addict’s need to keep the focus on sex. Preoccupation with masturbation is indication enough that this activity has elevated importance.
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