Caressless. Heru Psy.D. EL
always been willing to try new things when the time is right.” I folded my arms across my chest and looked at him “ you know I will break all your sales records cause you know I can charmed the fur off a polar bear.” “That’s what I want to hear Sandra I know you will do well. I will even give you 15% “commish” on all non- sale stuff, and a weekly increase of $80 bucks.” “Oh Mr. Milo um bout to break you, them racks will be empty by weeks end thank you for believing in me. “
He took his glasses off and chuckled loudly. “Oh my-my-my you remind me so much of your mother just then.” “Really Mr. Milo” “Yes Sandra my wife Sarah and I were crazy about your Mom , Sarah and Rita were very close but after the robbery” Mr. Milo suddenly looked up as if he was looking to heaven “we love you and miss you Rita” Sarah never stepped foot in this store again. She’s got pictures of you and your mom all over her study at home.” He reached in his desk draw and pulled out a 5x7 envelope marked Sandra and said “this was the last picture of her she wanted you to have it.” I pulled out the picture and it was me at 5 years old sitting on my mothers lap as she sat next to Sarah on a paisley printed sofa all of us had on birthday hats and balloons were all over the place with the number 5 on them I felt warm tingles all over my body my mother was a beautiful woman it seemed like she was smiling at the world on this picture. “Wow! this was my 5th Birthday party.” “ Yes sweetheart Okay Sandra before you witness a grown man with tears get out there and get your Men’s department in order for tomorrow you know Saturday’s will be our biggest day of the week good luck.” I stepped around his desk and gave Mr. Milo a big hug “thank you Mr. Milo I won’t disappoint you.” “Send Cindy back here when you get to the front. By the way how’s your Aunt Delia?” The smile evaporated quickly from my face,” I haven’t seen or talked to her in 5 years.” I walked out thinking he knows I hate that bitch why does he keep asking about her. I walked back through the men’s department with a different attitude this time looked at how I was going to rearrange everything. Thinking to my self one day I will have my own shop on the Gold Coast one day. My day dream was suddenly interrupted when Cindy grabbed my arm “girl I guess you didn’t get fired with that heavenly smile in your face what happened?
What he say?”
“He said he wants to see you now girl,” “Oh shit girl what for?” “Cindy why you actin so scared? It just might be something good.” She looked at me with a puzzled look on her face and walked slowly towards the back. I took the picture out again to look at my beautiful mom wow! We have the same nose and smile. Thanks Mom for looking out.
Session 4
“Good morning Sandra how was your weekend?” “It was full but good Dr. Howard I got a promotion on my job which was good but I had to rearrange a lot of the displays at the store, so that kept me very busy.” “A promotion huh, well congratulations Sandra you know higher positions sometime bring more responsibilities, in fact that would be a good item I can put in your report I have to send to the District Attorney’s office.” “I see Dr Howard.” “That’s a nice business suit you have on Sandra.” Sandra had on a grey and black tweed jacket with six or seven buttons down front with matching slacks with pleats and low heel leather pumps, and a white blouse with small ruffles, the buttons at the top of her blouse were straining to hold on with her large breasts applying great pressure against them. “I might check out your store’s men’s department soon I could use a few more vines you know.” “You know I will hook you up proper Dr Howard we got some nice vines that would fit your style.” “Well Sandra lets start our session, but first if you want you can slip off your heels if you want” as she reached down to slip off her heels I noticed a more relaxed confidence in her. Well I hope I will be able to tell Dr. Howard my great burden that’s been on my shoulders this time before the session ends. I wish I could squeeze it all out in 5 minutes but at least it will start the bloodletting.
“Let’s see according to my notes you had walked in on your Aunt Delia and Earl doing the nasty, so tell me Sandra how was you and your Aunts relationship up to that point?” “Well after my Mom was killed in that robbery I was about 6 years old and my Aunt Delia had came over to my Uncle Larry’s apartment who had just enlisted in the Navy and said that since my uncle was single and traveled a lot in the Navy that he couldn’t care for me properly, so my Aunt kinda got me by default she always would say she didn’t want me to be a foster kid, being raised by a bunch of strangers. I really wanted to go with my Uncle Larry, he always sent me nice dolls and toys and the last time I remembered he and my mom took me to Lincoln Park Zoo. He kneeled down to me and told me if I ever get married Uncle Larry will come get you but your Aunt Delia will take care of you for now.” My Aunt to her credit has kept me warm and well fed and clothed, but she was very impatient, she didn’t take me places or laugh and talk to me much and was strict but a hypocrite.” “Explain hypocrite.” Well I would overhear her phone conversations with her church friends about how she’s going to save herself for the man that God’s going to send her but at the same time when she thought I was sleep she would be sneaking different men in and out of her bed all the time. I would hear them bed springs squeakin with a rhythm that’s when I knew she was doin the nasty. Then in the middle of the night sometimes I would hear the security chain slide off the door and the squeak of the front door and a car engine start up a few minutes later. My Aunt would open my door and look in to make sure I was sleep. Then she would always talk about the pot heads that live downstairs under us, but I would find a few roaches in her ashtray sometimes. I knew she was smoking weed whenever she would burn that sandalwood incense in her room. Then on top of that she and that no good Earl the guy she rented the room to, would sell liquor on Sundays to the neighborhood wine heads out the back door since the liquor stores in Chicago are closed on Sundays . There were all kinda crazy looking people coming in and out of that house.” “Well I see your Aunt was a little on the wild side.” “To say the least I don’t think she cared to much about what kinda environment she had me around as long as I was well fed had clothes on my back went to school and got good grades was all that mattered.” “I must say that would not be the kind of atmosphere I would want for a child either.” Sandra was intense as she leaned forward to recount her story I can tell she had a lot more to say she had a little moisture of sweat appear on her forehead, “can I get you some water Sandra? You may be a little warm with that jacket on; sometimes Lisa gets happy with the heat in here I think she’s cold natured or something.” “Okay Dr Howard it is a little warm in here,” If he only knew I’m a little nervous cause I’m about to let go something that I have never told anyone before. “Here’s your water Sandra.” “Thanks Doctor” “Okay now before we go on about your Aunt what was your relationship with Earl like?” Sandra suddenly looked out the window for a moment as if she was trying to gather her thoughts she muttered “Mr. Earl that fucking bastard and looked directly into me eyes and said I got a few chapters on his ass for you.” I knew that was a pivotal moment in our sessions. Just then the intercom from Lisa interrupted with ‘Dr Howard your one o’ clock is ready. “Damn I wish we didn’t have to stop” “I’m sorry Sandra my next client is on her lunch hour so I won’t be able to give you an extended session.” “I understand Dr Howard I’ve waited this long I guess another week won’t hurt.” Deep inside I was ready to explode I never knew I had such pressure inside me it will feel good to let it out. I walked past Lisa the office manager and I couldn’t help but give her the evil stare even though I know she was just doing her Job. I just don’t know if I will ever get to point of releasing all this shit inside of me, I don’t have any children or a husband or anyone but strangers to release my pain on I just need a nice warm caress. All I have been able to do is act it out as soon as someone pushes the wrong button, I gotta get it out before someone else dies. Oh my God I’ve been on this elevator for at least a few minutes and I just noticed I forgot to push a button as I slide my finger over the number 1 button I could feel the small ray of warmth as it light up and I let out a long frustrating sigh and my left eye filled with a tear. You must do this Sandra the next 30 years of your life depends on nobody but me and God.
The elevator door opened and a brightly light lobby illuminated by the afternoon sun bounced of the marble wall. I seemed to be all alone amidst a lobby full of people. This is going to work out I’m ready I can’t wait to see the look on Dr Howards face next