Divorce Happened to Me: A Biblical Guide to Divorce Recovery. Dr. Scott Wilson
at you as husband and wife. God sees you as some man’s wife or some woman’s husband, and unlike the state, the Lord does care if you honor your vows.
God gives us insight in his Word concerning the importance of upholding our vows: “If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceeded out of his mouth” (Numbers 30:2). “When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed” (Ecclesiastes 5:4). God says when you make a vow you are not to break it, but rather you are to pay that which you vowed. In essence, when you said, “Till death do us part,” God intended for you to remain with that person until death do you part. That is why it is so important to do all that you can to uphold your vows. This is why, as a child of God who labors to walk in obedience to the Lord, you have a heavier burden to bear than that of a non-believer.
I can say to you with all confidence that God hates divorce! Divorce is the disobedience of a vow made to Him. It is clear that God's divine design for marriage is that it be a lifelong covenant. Another reason God is so opposed to divorce is that He understands the great pain and suffering that accompanies it. Yet, no matter how much our Lord hates divorce, it is no match for how much He loves you. Yes, God hates divorce, but He loves you! I love what the Apostle Paul wrote to the church at Rome in Romans 8:38-39, “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Your divorce might have separated you from your spouse, but it can never separate you from the great love of the Lord.
Chances are, if you're reading this book, you sincerely meant what you said when you said, “I do,” but evidently, your spouse did not and now you’re faced with a dilemma. It's is not a dilemma with the State, because they don’t care whether you're married or not, but rather your dilemma is with Christ. You made a vow to the Lord that you would love this one person forever, and now that person is gone. So what do you do?
The first thing we must do is continue to follow Christ. If you’ve trusted Christ Jesus as Savior, you’re not alone. You have a Heavenly Father who desires to help you. If you’ve never placed your faith in Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, then that is where you must first begin. You cannot receive God’s help if you have not received His Son. If you’ve never been saved, I invite you at this moment to accept Him as Savior.
Jesus Christ loves you so much that He died on the Cross of Calvary for your sins. He was buried in a tomb and rose the third day victorious over death, Hell, and the grave. He did that so you and I might be saved from eternal damnation. According to Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” All men are sinners, and according to Romans 6:23, that sin has a price: “For the wages of sin is death.” The payment for our sin is death, separated from God in a horrible place called Hell. That’s why Christ made a way for us to escape this torment. Romans 5:8 says, “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Christ died on the Cross for you! He not only died, but resurrected the third day. He did all this so that you could spend eternity with him in Heaven. He purchased the gift of salvation for you.
Yet, like any other gift, you must receive it. How do you receive the gift of salvation? Romans 10:9 teaches us that you simply ask the Lord to forgive your sins: “If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” Have you received the gift of salvation? If not, I invite you to cry out to the Lord and ask Him to forgive you of your sins and accept Him as your Lord and Savior. The first step to our recovery is to continue to follow Christ, and in order to rely on Him, you must first possess Him. I hope, if you’ve never trusted Christ, you’ll trust Him today. So the first thing you do is continue to follow Christ, but what else do we do?
Fortunately for us, our God is omniscient, simply meaning He's all knowing, and knowing what was in man's heart, He gave instruction to help us in the instance we are faced with divorce. According to the Word of God, there are two acceptable reasons for divorce: adultery and abandonment. In essence, God says that if your spouse committed adultery or abandoned you because they were an unbeliever, then you have scriptural grounds for divorce. That doesn’t mean you have to get a divorce, but it means that if there can be no reconciliation, then a divorce is permitted in the sight of God. Let us look at these two clauses in more depth.
The first permitted reason for divorce given in Scripture is for fornication or adultery. We find our scriptural basis in Matthew 19:9, where God says, “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso married her which is put away doth commit adultery.” This verse bids some explanation. Note the words, “except it be for fornication.” Fornication is an old English word used for adultery or incest. It is translated from the Greek word
One question you may be asking is what qualifies as fornication? Some would argue that there must be sexual intercourse for it to be qualified as adultery, while others yield that any intimate relationship with a member of the opposite sex outside of marriage is adultery. In Matthew 5:28, our Lord said this about adultery, “I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”
Now I certainly don’t think that a lustful look qualifies as a scriptural reason for divorce, but I do think that there is a principle here to follow. All sin and fornication begins in the heart and mind. James teaches us that in James 1:14-15, “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” Lust being conceived means that it formed in your mind and was delivered into your hands.
Everyone who’s ever committed adultery first thought about it before acting upon it. While I don’t think the thought of adultery qualifies, I think any action taken to fulfill the thought does. An example of this would be a man who finds a female co-worker attractive. They start off with idle chatting that quickly turns into flirtation conversation. Then they begin to have “business lunches” together to spend time with one another. In my mind, that man or woman is cheating on their spouse. Any behavior with a member of the opposite sex that you keep hidden from your spouse because of shameful conversation or activity, in my interpretation, is cheating.
Again, is that qualification for scriptural divorce? I don’t know. Is it “official” fornication when they hold hands, kiss, go on dates, or hold one another? Scripture doesn’t spell out where the line is, but I can assure you one thing: if the line is ever crossed, both parties know where it is. If you are the one engaged in it or if you’re the victim of your spouse engaging in fornication, you’ll know where the line is. Simply know that if your spouse is unfaithful and guilty of fornication, you have the spiritual right to be free from your marriage vows.
The second scriptural clause for divorce is found in I Corinthians 7:12-15: “If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such