Divorce Happened to Me: A Biblical Guide to Divorce Recovery. Dr. Scott Wilson
that if a Christian is married to an unbeliever and the unbelieving leaves or departs, then the believer is free from the bondage of marriage. Both parties are to labor to remain together in hopes that the unbelieving will come to the knowledge of salvation, but if the unbelieving party departs, the believing party is free to let them depart. I want to stress again that this does not mean that the believing party has to divorce the unbelieving party; it simply means that if no reconciliation can be made, then the believing party is free from their vows in the sight of God.
It is important for us to note that, in both cases, the Lord does not hold the innocent spouse responsible for the sins of their mate. We must all give an account for our sins as individuals. God does not judge the innocent spouse. God knew what was in man when He created him. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” The Lord also knew that Satan would use divorce as a way to destroy His servants and their usefulness for Him. It is for that reason that God included these two exceptions for divorce in his Word.
The Lord made a way for those children who remained obedient to Him to continue serving Him, by including these two conditions for divorce. Despite the Lord’s clear instructions regarding the two clauses for divorce, there are still those who would attempt to discourage and disregard those of us who have suffered from divorce. We’ll talk extensively about this in future chapters, but rest assured, my brothers and sisters, that if God is accepting of you and your situation, that’s all that matters.
There is one more issue that needs to be addressed before we move forward and that is the issue of divorce occurring without adultery or abandonment taking place. It is quite possible that you are reading this book and this is your situation, and if so, I hope to encourage you. There is much debate among scholars regarding this issue of initiating divorce without the biblical grounds to do so. The main argument surrounds the state of the one who wrongly initiates a divorce and then remarries someone else. The question is: is that person committing adultery?
The foundation for the argument derives from Christ’s statement in Matthew 19:9 where He says, “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso married her which is put away doth commit adultery.” If you’ll notice, this is the same passage of Scripture we used earlier to prove the first scriptural clause for divorce which is adultery. As we read the words of Christ, it is imperative that we put them in the proper context. In Matthew 19, Christ is being questioned by the Pharisees about divorce. As they question Him, they reference Moses’ permission of divorce in the Old Testament. Christ’s response in verse 8 of Matthew 19 is that divorce was only permitted because of the “hardness” of their hearts.
Christ told the Pharisees that, even though divorce was permitted, divorce was wrong and not what God intended for marriage. The “hardness of your hearts” that Christ mentioned is key to understanding this passage. Christ is telling us that the condition of a heart that accepts divorce without a biblical reason is a heart that is “hard” and not in proper fellowship with Him. As you move forward into verse 9, the emphasis is the same. Jesus is saying that divorce, “except it be for fornication,” is an act of two hearts that are not in proper fellowship with the Lord, and the end result of remarriage after such an act is adultery. The emphasis Christ is trying to make to the Pharisees and to us is that marriage is a holy institution that should be honored and not taken for granted. He is teaching us that divorce outside of biblical grounds is a direct result of a hard heart that refuses to yield itself to God’s help. In essence, the Lord is saying any issues outside of adultery or abandonment could have been resolved and the marriage saved if both parties would have humbled themselves and allowed Christ to help them.
The question we must ask ourselves is if remarrying is committing adultery, then can I ever be right with God again? The answer to that question is yes! Is adultery sin? Yes it is. Is adultery the unpardonable sin? No it is not. When someone initiates divorce without Scriptural grounds and then marries someone else, the new marriage is considered an act of adultery because of the violation of the Divine Covenant made in the previous marriage. Even though the State Covenant is broken, and in the eyes of society you are legally divorced, in the eyes of God you are still married to your previous spouse. Therefore, entering into a relationship with someone else is viewed as an adulterous act in the sight of God. Once this act of adultery occurs, it permanently separates what God had joined together. It breaks the Divine Covenant and also breaks the vows taken in the previous marriage. At this point God no longer recognizes your previous spouse as your mate.
So if remarriage is an act of adultery does this mean that I must forever live in adultery? No. The new marriage only remains adultery until both parties seek forgiveness and restoration for breaking both the Divine Covenant and the vows from their previous marriage. It is important to remember that we are dealing with a divorce that did not have reason to occur in the eyes of God—simply meaning that it was a divorce not based on infidelity or abandonment. Divorce without biblical grounds is a sin, just as adultery is a sin, and is not to be taken lightly. As we noted earlier, divorce without biblical grounds is the act of a hard heart that is not in right fellowship with God. Nevertheless, both the sin of divorce and adultery from remarriage can be forgiven if genuine repentance is sought. Even though the new marriage may have started with an adulterous act, it doesn’t have to remain or end in adultery. If both parties seek forgiveness for their actions, then God will put away their sin and bless their marriage.
There are those who hold to the belief that someone who remarries after a divorce without biblical grounds is in adultery for the duration of the new marriage. I disagree with that position. If that view is true, then those individuals could never again have a right relationship with God because they have no way to make restitution with the Lord. They cannot divorce their new spouse because that’s sin, they cannot kill their new spouse because that is sin, and they cannot kill themselves because that is sin. There is no way for them to ever be in proper fellowship with God again. If that view is correct, then anyone who gets divorced without biblical grounds can never again serve God, join a church, and so on because they are living in continual sin. Their life would be useless in the service of God, and spiritually, they could only exist on earth until they enter into eternity. Divorce without biblical grounds and then remarriage may limit you from holding certain positions in some churches or denominations, but it does not mean that you can never be in proper fellowship with God. My conviction is that that view does not line up with the nature of God, the principles of Scripture, nor does it line up with the way God dealt with King David.
Let us consider King David of the Old Testament. David was a man after God’s own heart. He is known by many as the Sweet Psalmist of Israel. There is no question that David was a follower of Jehovah God. David was not only a follower of God and a king, but he was also a husband. He was a mighty servant of the Lord, but he was also a sinner like you and I. In 2 Samuel 11, this mighty man of God enters into an adulterous affair with a married woman named Bathsheba. Not only does he engage in adulterous behavior, but he also gives the order that causes her husband Uriah to be killed in battle. The result of David’s adulterous affair with Bathsheba is an illegitimate child.
So here is David, a follower of God who finds himself surrounded by a multitude of sinful choices. Does God say to David, well you had a good run but you messed up and I can’t use you anymore? No, instead God sends his Prophet Nathan by in 2 Samuel 12 to confront David about his sin. Through Nathan, God tells David that there will be permanent consequences for his actions and his sin, including the loss of the unborn child that was conceived during his affair with Bathsheba. Yet, in verse 13, David confesses his sin and says, “I have sinned against the Lord.” But note what Nathan says, “The Lord also hath put away thy sin.” David paid for his sin with Bathsheba with the loss of children and additional suffering on his life, but God forgave his sin and restored him to fellowship. Not only did he restore him to fellowship, but he also allowed him to take Bathsheba as his wife, and he blessed that union with the birth of a son named Solomon. Solomon would be chosen by God to be the successor to David’s throne and was also part of the lineage of Christ the Messiah.
What I want you to see is that just as God restored David, He can restore you even if your divorce was not based on biblical grounds. Like David, there