Divorce Happened to Me: A Biblical Guide to Divorce Recovery. Dr. Scott Wilson
if you’re willing to genuinely repent and seek reconciliation with Him.
Our time on this subject has only been a quick overview of what God teaches in His Word about marriage and divorce. There are multitudes more that we could discuss on this topic, but that is not the purpose of this book. Our purpose in this chapter was simply to remind you of the seriousness of marriage as well as how God views marriage and divorce. Many marriages end that could have been saved, if only two people would work together and seek common ground in Christ.
I'll be the first to tell you that I loathe divorce. No one wins in a divorce, and everyone you love ends up with a battle scar. When two people go through a divorce, it's like throwing a rock into the middle of a pond. It may have made the biggest splash where it went in, but the ripples carry throughout the entire pond all the way to the bank. I would encourage those of you who have recently been separated—regardless of the length of time of the separation—to seek reconciliation if there is any hope of doing so at all! The Bible says, “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom” (Proverbs 13:10). Don’t let your own pride stand in the way of God working a miracle in your marriage.
With that being said, it's quite possible that, like me, you sought reconciliation, but were left with no hope. If that’s the case, then know that just because you're divorced doesn’t mean your life is over. Being divorced doesn’t have to define your life; it's simply something that happened to you. Part of the reason I felt that God led me to write this book was to help people realize they're not alone. I promise you, God is still on Heaven's throne and He still wants to use you and bless you beyond your wildest dreams. Continue to put yourself in His hands and let Him guide you and direct your life.
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The Greatest of All
“His substance also was seven thousand sheep, and three thousand camels,
and five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred she asses, and a very great
household; so that this man was the greatest of all the men of the east.”
Job 1:3
As we begin this chapter, we move away from the scriptural premise of marriage and begin dealing with principles and applications from Scripture that the Lord can use to strengthen and help you in your divorce recovery. As previously mentioned in the preface, we are going to spend much time looking into the life of Job and using his suffering to make scriptural application to our own suffering and pain. No matter how great the pain we experience going through a divorce, no one can say that they've suffered as severely as Job did. We should be thankful to God that He loved us enough to record the account of Job’s life in the pages of Scripture so that you and I may draw strength from his experiences. In the next chapter, you will see that our friend Job has more in common with our situation than you may have originally thought. In this chapter, however, I want us to look at Job’s testimony prior to his suffering, and in turn learn that our suffering and failed marriage is not necessarily because of our failures and shortcomings.
When we open the book of Job, the very first thing we read is: “There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil.” The Word of God says that Job was “perfect” and “upright.” It is important for us to note that the use of the word “perfect” in this context does not mean that Job was without sin, but rather it speaks of the integrity of his life. God describes Job as being a man who was perfect and upright. He was an honest man, a good father, a good husband, and a man of his word. Job was not a shady character, but rather he was a wholesome man who was thought to be trustworthy by all who knew him.
In terms of marriage, he was the kind of spouse that you would never have to question his faithfulness or be concerned about immoral behavior. Not only was he a good moral man, but he was also a godly man. He feared God and eschewed evil. The word “eschew” is translated from the Hebrew word
As we move further into the first chapter of Job, in the third verse, God describes Job's character and person as it pertains to all those of his generation. God says, “This man was the greatest of all the men of the east.” The Lord made it clear in verse 1 that Job was a wholesome and upright man, but to further explain the impeccable nature of Job’s character, God compares him to all the men of the east. It is not very often that the Lord goes to such lengths to describe the godly nature of His servants. The fact that He reiterates what kind of man Job was needs not go unnoticed. The Lord is telling us through His repetition and reiteration that understanding Job’s character is vital to understanding the story of his life. Think of what God said of this man: “This man was the greatest of all the men.” He did not say, “Job was as good as any other man.” He did not say, “Job was one of the greatest men of the east.” Rather, he said that Job was the greatest of all the men in the east. There was no man who could compare with Job in terms of his godly character and integrity. God is saying to us that Job was the best of the best, and there was no man anywhere greater than this man. Whether in possessions or spiritual purity, Job was the greatest man of his day.
I know you must be thinking, “Great! Good for Job, but what does this have to do with me going through a divorce?” Believe it or not, understanding this principle is at the foundation of your recovery. If you fail to understand the message that God is trying to relay through Job’s character, then you open yourself up to having the wrong perspective about who you are and why you are suffering. What we learn from God’s description of Job is that we do not suffer bad things because we are bad people.
There is an idea amongst many Christian circles today that if someone has marital troubles, then it is because they are a failure as a Christian. It is because they didn’t go to church enough, pray enough, or read their Bible enough that their marriage failed. Now, certainly all those things are important, but what we learn from Job is that even the best servants of God experience suffering.
Certainly there are many things that could have been done differently in your marriage, but it’s important to understand that your marriage didn’t fail because you are a bad person. On the flip side, it’s important for you to realize that other marriages don’t continue because they are better people. All marriages that remain intact are done so by God’s grace and His grace alone. Regardless, there are those who will try to convince you that your marriage failed because you’re a failure. This kind of attitude is nothing new around those religious folks who esteem themselves higher than they ought.
During the time of the New Testament, there was a crowd of high minded, super spiritual leaders known as the Pharisees. This group held to the idea that if someone became sick or encountered suffering in their life, it was a sign of God's judgment upon that person. This idea was so prominent in Christ's day that Jesus had to rebuke His own disciples from believing such false teaching.
In John 9, Christ and His disciples come across a blind man. Upon seeing the blind man, Christ's disciples say to Him, “Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?” The initial reaction of the disciples to this man’s blind condition is a perfect example of the belief that all suffering is caused by sin. When they saw the blind man, their immediate thought is that he must be blind because of his own sin or the sin of his parents. As