The Power of Positive Aging. David Lereah
has enjoyed a surge in popularity in the past two decades, as reflected both in the media and in psychotherapy practices, and also in the habits and practices of millions of ordinary people. Mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience. For our purposes, mindfulness is important because it creates the right mindset for successfully aging.
Mindfulness is closely associated with Buddhist meditative practices and can be developed using the meditation techniques presented in this chapter. Meditation is typically practiced sitting or lying in a comfortable position as you focus on breathing in and out. By focusing your awareness on your breathing, you empty your mind of other thoughts. If you become distracted and a stray thought pops into your mind (which will happen from time to time), accept the distraction in a nonjudgmental way and then focus again on breathing.
Mindfulness is realizing that you are not your mind. You are not all those thoughts, judgments, and noise running through your head. You are the awareness of your mind’s activities; you are just “awareness”—you are at peace.
To attain true mindfulness, you should aspire to 30-minute meditation sessions. But you’ll need to build yourself up to that level—the more you meditate, the easier it becomes to maintain awareness of your breathing and achieve peace of mind.
It may surprise many Westerners who are unfamiliar with Buddhism, but one of Buddhism’s primary missions is to deal with aging and finality, in which mindfulness plays an important role. Buddhism was founded by a man pursuing freedom from suffering caused by sickness, aging, and death. Therefore, Buddhism provides a path to follow in dealing with the inconveniences of aging.
To gain a deeper appreciation for today’s Buddhism and how it helps us deal with aging, here is how the Buddha achieved nirvana and spread his teachings.
The Buddha and His Teachings
Prince Siddhartha sat down to meditate under a large bodhi tree, facing east. He promised himself, “I will not give up until I achieve my goal to find freedom from suffering, for myself and all people.”
Siddhartha fell into a deep meditation. He let go of all outside disturbances and emptied his mind of all past pleasures and thoughts. Within the stillness of his mind, he focused on discovering the truth about life and suffering. His mind embarked on a journey through his previous lives.
Siddhartha saw how beings are reborn according to the law of cause and effect, or karma. He saw that doing good things resulted in peace, not suffering. He realized that suffering came from greed and greed came from believing that we are more important than everybody else.
Siddhartha’s ultimate journey was achieving nirvana, a state of mind that was free from any suffering. So, at the age of 35, Siddhartha became the Buddha, the Supreme Enlightened One.
The Buddha set out to teach ideal truths (dharma) to his people. He taught the other monks the truth about life and suffering and showed them how to end suffering by achieving enlightenment.
The Buddha taught the Four Noble Truths. The first Noble Truth was that suffering exists; the second was about the cause of suffering; the third was that it is possible to end suffering; and the fourth explained the path to ending suffering.
The Buddha also taught the Five Precepts, which were training rules to create good karma: Respect and be kind to all living things. Do not kill or steal. Do not be unfaithful to your wife. Do not lie. And do not take intoxicants. The Buddha stressed that there is a cause for everything and whatever comes into existence will also decay.
The Buddha told his disciples to practice and teach these basic principles. In simple terms, Buddha’s message was: Do good things and purify your mind.
Today’s Mindfulness Teachings
Many people in modern society have taken the baton from Buddha—Eckhart Tolle is one of them. Tolle wrote a best-selling book, The Power of Now, promulgating the virtues of living in the present. In this spiritual classic, Tolle reveals how he experienced a state of desperation when he hit rock bottom in his life. To quote Tolle:
“I could feel that a deep longing for non-existence was becoming much stronger than my desire to continue to live.”
Then, as Tolle tells us, his mind stopped—there were no more thoughts. He sensed an energy force and his body began to shake. He heard the words, “resist nothing,” and suddenly, he felt no fear. Ever since, Tolle has lived in the moment, in a state of peace and bliss, and he has dedicated his life to helping others do the same.
What does the act of mindfulness actually do for us as we age?
MY JOURNEY
For me personally, mindfulness is—everything. Before my cancer diagnosis at 62, I had a difficult few years. In my mid-50s, I was a casualty of the financial crisis. I was the chief economist of the nation’s largest trade association, the National Association of Realtors, and I was riding high during the real estate boom. I had media appearances (television, print, radio, Internet) and gave speeches across the nation. I authored a book (Are You Missing the Real Estate Boom?), in which I projected that the boom would continue for another two to three years. However, the real estate boom turned into a real estate bust just as my book was released. I was flooded with negative publicity and vilified on the Internet. Reporters and bloggers believed I had misled people into buying homes that would soon turn into foreclosures. No one bothered to learn that I followed my own advice and invested my money in real estate. I truly believed the boom would continue and I bet on my beliefs by acquiring seven investment properties during that time period.
I was in a sorrowful place—my world had turned upside down and inside out. My mind flooded with thoughts of nonexistence. For the next several years I was depressed about my past and frightened about my future. It was only when I learned to live in the present (through meditation and other techniques) that I was able to “right” my life. When I decided to let go of the past and not to worry about things that haven’t happened yet, I experienced a paradigm shift in consciousness. My self-worth, which had hit bottom, gained an upward trajectory.
Living in the present moment is how I survived my personal crisis. It is how I survived cancer, and it will be how I survive and cope with growing old. Living in the present moment means I know what’s happening in the here and now. For example, if I raise my hand, I am conscious of the fact that I’m raising my hand. My mind is lifting my arm toward the ceiling and my fingers extend outward, waving toward the ceiling. I am not distracted by any other thoughts.
For me, the beauty of meditation is that after I meditate for a few minutes, I have the sensation that I am more than just my physical body. This broadened mindset has become a psychological advantage that I want to have as I continue to experience physical decline with aging.
To be mindful means being aware, and to be aware in the present moment takes concentration and energy. Reflections of past events and worries and anxiety about the future are always there, ready to distract you. You can acknowledge them, but then shift focus and return to the present moment.
Ways to Live in the Present
Aging generally promises a simpler life, which creates an opportunity to live in the present.
If you feel negativity about your older self, you are likely thinking about the past, reflecting on what it was like to be younger looking, free of wrinkles, etc. Practice living in the present and you will minimize thoughts about your younger self. If you have nothing to compare your older appearance to, there is no benchmark—and thus there is no reason for negativity.
Spending time with nature is one way I enjoy living in the present. I find time to take long walks outside in my neighborhood. You would be surprised how a walk by yourself helps you be more in the moment. I also practice simple meditation of just 5 minutes in the morning and at night. If you can practice simple meditation on a regular basis (say, every Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday), you will live a more mindful existence.
Here are some ways that people today live in the present.