.
My hope is to inspire Americans to unite as we age. There are literally millions of senior citizens living alone in America today experiencing quality-of-life decline with no support network. Without social support, they are having a difficult time coping. Quality of life and life expectancy decline for people lacking a social support network (e.g., spouse, family, friends).
We need local networks of support across America for people with life-threatening diseases/conditions and for people experiencing quality-of-life decline due to aging, especially for people living alone. These networks can bring together people of all ages to lift the spirits and enhance the quality of life for aging people across the country.
Our Western ways continue to promote forever-young attitudes that ignore the spirituality, wisdom, and creativity of older adults. Older people need to feel relevant, respected, and useful if they are to live meaningful lives with dignity. Their lives need to be celebrated, not marginalized. People need to support each other as they confront the marks of aging. It would be commendable if people of all generations joined (figuratively or literally) a united we age movement to offer the emotional support necessary to make a difference in an older person’s life.
A Journey of Inconvenience
From a positive aging perspective, cancer is an inconvenience of aging, and so is every other mark of aging. They are inconveniences because life is precious at all ages and in all stages—not just when we are young and healthy and strong. We live on this Earth and we die on this Earth, so while we are living every moment is precious. That is why we live in the moment. As long as we can smell the roses and hear the ocean waves hit the shoreline, we have a quality of life worth savoring.
The remainder of this book serves as a guide that will, hopefully, place you on the wondrous journey of positive aging. This book will help you tap into your spirit, seek and find social support, and practice any combination of mindfulness, positivity, the Four A’s, and balance as you confront the inconveniences of aging. I’ve learned we are not at war with Father Time; we never have been. We are only battling ourselves when we resist the natural process of aging. Aging is God’s (or the universe’s) way of telling us it’s time to transition to the other side. From a spiritual perspective, it’s the beginning of a new journey.
Writing this book has been profoundly therapeutic. I had a difficult time coping with cancer at 62 years old; I became bitter about my diagnosis and developed a heightened fear of finality. But my social network lifted my spirit, and, in turn, my spirit rediscovered a passion for living. Although my post-cancer self is physically weaker than my pre-cancer self, I am spiritually stronger than I’ve ever been before. My journey has taken a different path today, and it is a more robust and satisfying path. I now have a positive aging attitude, and I want to help you find and maintain your own positive aging attitude while also encouraging our society to recognize the worth of aging.
Hopefully, “We are in this together” will become a mantra for all of us.
CHAPTER THREE
The Power of Me: Inner Spirit
If we imagine the practice of positive aging as an orchestra playing beautiful music, our inner spirit is the conductor.
A story I love is about a poor panhandler sitting on an old storage trunk begging for money. A wealthy man dressed in a dapper suit stopped to give him a few dollars and asked, “How long have you been sitting on this trunk soliciting for money?” The beggar answered, “I’ve been sitting on this old trunk for over three years. This is a pretty good street corner; some days I do well and some days I go hungry.”
“Have you ever opened the trunk to see what’s inside?” the man asked.
“No, I never thought to open it; it’s locked,” the beggar replied.
The man put down his briefcase and picked up a rock and pounded on the trunk’s lock until it broke. The beggar opened the trunk to find a treasure of gold. He had not known how wealthy he was until he looked inside.
Just as there was treasure inside that trunk, even though the beggar didn’t realize it, there is something extraordinary inside all of us. Some call it a spirit, others call it a soul. I will refer to it as our spirit. One of the keys to effectively manage age-related decline is to rely on a social network of support, which in turn lifts the spirit. A healthy spirit is a critical ingredient to successful aging. As you experience physical and mental decline with aging, focus on strengthening your spirit; the spirit is not affected by the marks of aging.
Your spirit is your best friend. It is part of your social support group—it is the power of me. As humans age, the physical body declines while the spiritual body continues to grow. I believe aging is about your spirit taking center stage—and I’m not alone in this belief. Spiritual awareness is on the rise in America. Meditation groups and yoga classes are becoming increasingly popular across the nation, with some companies offering meditation to their employees. More and more people use phrases like “universal life energy” and “unity consciousness,” which reflect the beliefs that there is a consciousness connecting all life. The revolution of the spirit is here.
Follow your spirit and the marks of aging become inconveniences rather than burdens. They are inconveniences because they do not threaten your life itself; they only threaten your way of life and possibly the quality of your life.
Embrace your spirit and you will perceive aging through a stronger lens with greater clarity. You will be more confident and secure, and you will no longer be embarrassed or ashamed about the marks of aging you may bear, whether they are from battling cancer or heart disease, a decline in physical appearance, a disabled body function, or a mental impairment. The goal is to have a healthier and longer life span filled with meaning.
To my knowledge, there is no scientific evidence as of yet supporting the notion of a spirit or soul. Nevertheless, an overwhelming majority of humans on this planet believe they possess a spirit or soul. I’m one of them. Most traditional Judeo-Christian religions believe in an afterlife where the spirit/soul transcends to Heaven, while many Eastern religions (e.g., Buddhism) believe the spirit/soul reincarnates to relive in future physical bodies. The common thread among these beliefs is that most humans believe they are more than just their physical body—they believe they possess a spirit/soul, and the physical body serves as a vessel for the spirit to exist in the physical realm.
According to the 2014 General Social Survey, led by psychologist Jean Twenge of San Diego State University, fewer Americans say they believe in God or pray regularly—yet more people believe in an afterlife, nonetheless. The study surveyed 58,000 people and found that 80 percent of Americans said they believe in an afterlife, up from 73 percent in 1972.13
If this is so, shouldn’t we focus more of our energies as we age on growing and strengthening our spirits rather than focusing on the decline and decay of our physical bodies? It is your spirit that defines you, not your physical appearance.
But try telling that to any teenager getting ready for a Saturday-night date. Or for that matter, try telling it to any woman who is putting on a nice outfit, applying makeup, and fixing her hair to run to the grocery store to pick up some lettuce and milk. The importance of physical appearance is firmly entrenched in American society. Most people are more focused on how they appear to be—both physically and socially—than how they really are. Many of us care more about how other people perceive us than how we genuinely feel about ourselves.
Not surprisingly, superficial appearances matter less as we grow older. Older people covered in wrinkles and age spots become more focused on their health and the authenticity of relationships than with physical attributes and social status.
Interest in spirituality and aging has risen during this past decade due in part to growing evidence that spiritual and religious practices generate positive physical and mental health outcomes. We are enjoying longer life spans today, and this reality highlights the importance of spirituality in older people to better cope with the potentially lengthy process of aging. Fortunately, studies have shown that people become