Natboff! One Million Years of Stupidity. Andy Stanton
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PRAISE FOR Mr Gum:
‘Funny? You bet.’ Guardian
‘Andy Stanton accumulates silliness and jokes
in an irresistible, laughter-inducing romp.’
Sunday Times
‘Raucous, revoltingly rambunctious and nose-
snortingly funny.’ Daily Mail
‘It’s hilarious, it’s brilliant . . . Stanton’s the Guv’nor,
The Boss.’ Danny Baker, BBC London Radio
‘It provoked long and painful belly laughs from
my daughter, who is eight.’ Daily Telegraph
‘They’re the funniest books . . . I can’t recommend
them enough.’ Stephen Mangan
‘They are brilliant.’ Zoe Ball, Radio 2
‘Funniest book I have ever and will ever read . . .
When I read this to my mum she burst out laughing
and nearly wet herself . . . When I had finished the
book I wanted to read it all over again it was so
good.’ Bryony, aged 8
‘Do not even think about buying another book –
This is gut- spillingly funty.’ Alex, aged 13
‘Smooky palooki! This book is well brilliant.’
Jeremy Strong
For Tony McGowan - AS
For Mrs Aubrey - DT
Egmont
We bring stories to life
First published in Great Britain 2018
by Egmont UK Limited
The Yellow Building, 1 Nicholas Road, London W11 4AN
Text copyright © 2018 Andy Stanton
Illustrations copyright © 2018 David Tazzyman
The moral rights of the author and illustrators have been asserted
978 1 4052 9098 2
eISBN 978 1 4052 9276 4
68623/001
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available
from the British Library
Typeset by Avon DataSet Ltd, Bidford on Avon, Warwickshire
Printed and bound in Great Britain by the CPI Group
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
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CONTENTS
01
20
31
32
72
84
102
103
112
133
134
136
179
218
THE MASSIVE GIANT AND THE FLEA
Bibbering Through the Ages: The Stone Table
Princess Snowflake and the Gypsy King
The Story of Old King Thunderbelly and the Wall of Lamonic Bibber
Life and Times of Saint Follican
Bibbering Through the Ages: Ráðghöldeskvúldrr
A BRIEF HISTORY of the MERRIE OLD KINGS and QUEENS of ENGLAND
Bibbering Through the Ages: Upside-Down Walker on the Bun Shop
233
245
246
273
274
280
334
335
342
343
353
Bibbering Through the Ages: Wednesday O’Leary
Bibbering Through the Ages: Madame Strawberries
The STRANGE CASE of DOCTOR WEMPERS and MR CRIBBINS