Natboff! One Million Years of Stupidity. Andy Stanton
MIN,’ say Natboff to himsel.
‘STIL GUD TO BE OUT OF WOLF AGEN.’
Natboff go up to Wolf.
‘NAUGTY WOLF!’ shou Natboff. ‘YOU
SAY YOU NATBOFF FREND! BUT YOU
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EAT NATBOFF!’
‘SORY,’ say Wolf. ‘ME FORGET.’
‘OK,’ say Natboff. ‘BUT YOU NATBOFF
FREND NOW?’
‘DEFINETT,’ say Wolf. ‘WOLF AN
NATBOFF FREND. WOLF AN NATBOFF
DO DISCO TO SELEBRAT.’
So Wolf an Natboff do disco in cav. It fun,
but it stil not solv probbem.
‘IT FUN, BUT IT STIL NOT SOLV
PROBBEM,’ say Natboff. ‘SALLY STIL WIV
CHUNKA. WAT NATBOFF DO NOW?’
‘GO ON INTERNET,’ say Wolf, ‘MEBBE
THAT HELP.’
So Natboff go on internet but it cavma
days, long long go, an bak then internet jus big
rok wiv ‘Google’ carve on. No help at al!
‘INTERNET RUBISH!’ say Natboff.
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‘NATBOFF HATE INTERNET!’
Wolf eat internet.
‘NOW WAT NATBOFF DO?’ say
Natboff.
‘WOLF GET HELP FROM FRENDS,’ say
Wolf.
‘WOLF GOT MITY FRENDS?’ say
Natboff.
‘MITIEST EVEH!’ say Wolf prowdly.
‘WOLF GO AN GET MITY FRENDS. THEN
CHUNKA GOT NO CHANSE!’
Wolf run out of cav.
Natboff wait.
Natboff wait a bit mor.
Natboff wait ages.
Natboff wait Stone Ages.
Natboff discoveh fire.
Natboff happy!
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Natboff set har on fire!
Natboff not so happy.
‘WOLF TAKIG FOREVEH,’ say Natboff.
Natboff starvig.
Natboff eat own burnned har.
‘BURNNED HAR DISGUSSIG,’ say
Natboff.
Natboff spit har out everwher.
Natboff try eatig cav.
No gud.
Evencherlee Wolf come bak wiv frends.
‘LOOK AT MITY FRENDS,’ Wolf say
prowdly.
‘MITY ANT!
‘MITY SPIDA!
‘MITY LEEF!’
‘FRENDS NOT LOOK SO MITY,’
say Natboff. ‘NATBOFF THURT WOLF’S
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FRENDS BE MITY BEAR! MITY MAMMOF!
MITY SABE-TOOTH TIGGER!’
‘SORY,’ say Wolf. ‘WOLF NOT KNO
THOSE GUYS. WOLF ONLY KNO MITY
ANT! MITY SPIDA! MITY LEEF!’
‘ME CAN DO THIRTY PRES-UPS,’ say
Mity Leef.
‘OK,’ say Natboff. ‘IT HAV TO DO. WAT
THE PLAN?’
‘CHUNKA LIV IN FORESS WIV SALLY
NOW,’ say Mity Spida. ‘SO WE GOT TO
GO TO FORESS. THEN WE SNEEK UP ON
CHUNKA.’
‘IS GUD START TO PLAN,’ say Natboff.
‘BUT WAT NEX?’
‘MITY ANT JUMP ON CHUNKA
LEGG AN LICK HIM,’ say Mity Spida.
‘THEN MITY SPIDA (THAT ME) TIKLE
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CHUNKA FOOT. THEN WOLF BITE OFF
CHUNKA FACE. NATBOFF GET SALLY
BACK, EESY PEESY LEMMO SQUEE!’
‘MITY SPIDA GUD AT PLAN!’ say
Natboff. ‘MABBE THIS WURK AFTEH AL.
BUT WAT ABOU MITY LEEF? EVERWUN
ELSE DO STUF IN PLAN BUT MITY LEEF
DO NUTHIN.’
‘ME DO PRES-UPS TO DISTRAC
CHUNKA,’ say Mity Leef, flexig mussels.
‘IT GUDDEST PLAN OF AL TIMM!’ say Wolf. ‘LET DO DISCO TO SELEBRAT.’
Natboff, Wolf, Mity Ant, Mity Spida an Mity Leef do disco.
Gess hoo besst at disco dancc? Mity Ant.
Mity Ant win disco prize!
‘DISCO FUN,’ say Natboff. ‘BUT NOW
IT TIMM FOR PUT PLAN INTO ACSHUN.
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WICH WAY FORESS?’
Mity Leef step forwar.
‘ME WAS BORN IN FORESS,’ say Mity Leef, ‘SO ME KNO EXAC WHER IT IS. FOLLO LEEF!’
‘NATBOFF HAD DOUTS ABOU MITY LEEF TO BEGIN WIV,’ say Natboff, ‘BUT NOW HE GROWIG ON ME.’
‘HA HA,’ say Mity Ant. ‘NATBOFF MAKK BIG FUNNEH!’
‘DISCO TO SELEBRAT?’ say Wolf hopfully.
‘MABBE LATEH,’ say Natboff.
AL WOLF WANT TO DO IS DISCO, thinnk Natboff. ME GETTIG PRETY SICK
OF WOLF. BUT ME NOT TELL WOLF OUT
LOUD BECOS WOLF NATBOFF FREND,
AN ME NOT WANT TO HURT WOLF
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FEELIG.
(Natboff mite be cavma but Natboff a
sensitif sort of fello.)
Anyweh. Afteh al this, Natboff an gang
set off wiv Mity Leef leedig way. Evencherlee
com to foress.
Gess hoo in middel of foress tryig to
makk baby cavmas? It Chunka an Sally, jus as
Natboff susspecced!
‘YOU GUYS HIDDE IN BUSH,’
say Natboff to anima an plannt chums.
‘NATBOFF GONNA DO IT CRAFTY
STILE!’
Natboff step forwar crafty stile to wher
Chunka an Sally busy tryig to makk baby
cavmas.
‘HEY CHUNKA, HEY SALLY,’ say
Natboff.
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