Natboff! One Million Years of Stupidity. Andy Stanton
only
bring
Woe,
woe,
woe!
Whisper,
whisper
so,
The frozen
ground
below
The
Gypsy
King
In the
fairy
ring
Woe,
woe,
woe!
43
‘What do you mean by this sinister
and quite catchy rhyme?’ pleaded Princess Snowflake – but the snow would say no more.
For a moment the world stood still.
And then, suddenly, the Gypsy King
jumped out from behind a tree. He was strong, with rippling muscles, and he wore hundreds of gold rings on his fingers, and he had proud boots. And in his huge cruel hands he held Princess Snowflake’s darling companion, Gooseberry.
‘I’ve done it again,’ laughed the Gypsy
King. ‘All the legends about me were true, I live in the gardens and I snatch up spaniels and do what I like.’
‘I hate you,’ said Princess Snowflake,
throwing herself to the ground and weeping hot, bitter tears that melted the snow all around her. ‘What do you want with Gooseberry? He is
44
only a spaniel and part-time furniture salesman!
But he means more to me than all my riches
put together! Please, please! I will give you all
the land of the town – from the Lamonic River
to Boaster’s Hill! From the Stone Table to the
Forest of Runtus! From the meanest hovel to
the Winter Palace itself – it will all be yours,
if you will only return Gooseberry to me, you
unbearable devil!’
But the Gypsy King merely laughed and
put Gooseberry’s face to his lips. Then he kissed
Gooseberry’s little face, once, twice, three times!
And all at once Gooseberry was gone. But around
the Gypsy King’s neck hung a chain that hadn’t
been there a moment before. From the chain
dangled a single glass bead, and inside the glass
bead, tiny as a fingernail, was poor Gooseberry.
‘That was a bit uncalled-for,’ said Princess
45
Snowflake indignantly.
But the Gypsy
King merely threw
back his head
and laughed
once more.
‘HA HAHAAHA AHA AHA HAAH
AHAHAHA HAHA AH AH AHHAHAHAH
AH AHAHAH AHA HA HA HA HA
HAHAHA HHA AH AHA HA AH AHA
HAHA HA AH AH AHAH HA HA AH
AHHA AH AHHA HA HA AH AHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHA AH AHAH AHA HAAHAHA
AHHAHAAH AHAHA AH AHA HA HAAH
HAHAHA AH AHA AHA HAHA HA HA
HAHA AHA HAHA AH HA HA HA HAH
AH AHA HA HAH AHAHA HAAH A AHA
AHA HA HAHAHAHAHA HA HAHAHA
HAH AHH AH AHAHA HAH AHAHA HAH
AHAHAH AHA HA HAHAHAH AHHA
HA AHHA HAHAH AHAH HAHAH AH
AHH AHAH AH AHA HAH HAHAH AHA
HAHAH HA HAH AH AH AHAH AA HAH
AH A AHA HA AHA HA HAHAHA HA
47
HAHAH A HAH HAHAHA HA HAH AHA
HA HA HAH AH AH AHAH AH AH HAH
AH HAHAH AHHAHAHA HAHHAHAHAH
AH HAHAHAHAHA AH AHA HAH A
AHAHAH A HAH AHHAHA AHA HHA
AHAH AHA HAHAAH AH AHAHA HA
AHAH AHHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHA
HAH AH AHAAH AHA HAHAHA AH
HAH HAHA HAHAHHA AHAHA HAH
AHHAHA HAHAHA HA HAH AHAHAH
AHA HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AH AH A
HA HAAHAHAHAHAHAH HAAHA H AH
AH HA HA H AHH AH AH HAHA H AHH
AHHAHA H AH HAHAHHA HA H AH HA
HAHAHHA HAH AH HA HAHAHAH HA HA
H HA HA HA H HA HA A HAA AHA HA AH
AH AHAHA AHH AH A AH AH AH HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA AHAHAH AHA HA
48
HA HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
AHHAHAHAHHAHAH AH HAH AH
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAH AH HA HAHA HA
AHA A HAHA AH AHAHAHAHAH A AHA
AHAHA AHAHA AHAHA AHA A HAHA
HA HAHAHAHA HA AHA HAHA AHA HA
AHAHAH AHA HAHA HA AHA A HA AHAH
AHA AH AHAHHA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HAHAH HAA HAHA AHA H A A AHAHAH
AHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAH HA
AHA AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHA HA
AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA AHA HA AHA
AH AHA H HA HAHAHA HA HA HAHAH
HA HA HAHA HA AHAHAHAHAHA HA
AHA AHA H HAAAHAAHAHAH H AH
AHAHAHAHHAHAH AHAHAHA AHAH
AHA AH H H H H HA AHA HA AHA HA
AHAHA HA HA HAHAHA HA AHA HA HA,’
49
laughed the Gypsy King.
Actually the Gypsy King laughed quite a lot
more than that, I only wrote a tiny bit of it. All
told, he stood there laughing for over six hours,
and Princess Snowflake could do nothing but
look on helplessly, because she kept thinking,
Surely it’s got to end soon, no one can laugh for
this long, I’ll say something to him in a minute.
When he’s stopped laughing.
But it just went on
and on.
Eventually, just as Princess Snowflake had
made up her mind that enough was enough
and