Mentoring Minutes. Robin Cox
Barrett, little moments.
2. Pekel, Moving Beyond Relationships, 6.
3. Rhodes and Christensen, Want to double your efforts? 4–5.
4. Rhodes, Four takeaways, 3.
5. Weinberger, Preparing my Mentor, 7.
6. Dortch Jr., The Miracles, 132.
Week 1
Introducing mentoring
Every child deserves a champion—an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best they can possibly be.
—Rita F. Pierson
Day 1: What is a mentor?
The word mentor has Greek origins and means a “wise guide.” Traditionally a mentor was an older, more experienced person who was responsible for coaching and mentoring a younger person to fill a particular role. In the Middle Ages, the new generation learned art, craft and commerce in a master-apprentice relationship—for example, the young apprentice learnt the art of making shoes from a shoemaker.
Today young men and women apprentices continue to learn a trade, or specific job skills from those more experienced than themselves.
A mentor takes on a more challenging role than that of a master who guides an apprentice. A mentor becomes both a friend and a role model to a mentee at a time in the young person’s life when the influence of peers is of the utmost importance. The brain is at a critical stage of development, and many young people are unsure of friends, or adult support.
Missionary and teacher Ron Lee Davis stated that the value of the mentoring process lies in watching a person of genuine wisdom and character surmount obstacles, solve problems, and overcome mistakes. The secret to profoundly influencing others as a mentor lies in honestly and transparently opening our lives to inspection warts and all.
Mentoring tip: Let your mentee discover a mentor who teaches them to stretch, handle discomfort, fulfill dreams, and move out of their comfort zone.
Day 2: Adolescents feel safe and secure
Before we can effectively mentor adolescents, we should consider and understand the world in which they live. My research, spanning about two decades, states that adolescents want to be cared for and loved unconditionally.
Here are some ideas about the meaning of taking care of a young person.
•Adolescents wish to feel safe and secure.
•The more these adolescents feel cared for, the more secure they become.
•Adolescents are surrounded by people who care for, appreciate and accept them unconditionally; people who are aware that their brains are developing; there will be mood swings and inconsistent behavior patterns.
•Adolescents value the positive influences of peers and adults they trust to encourage them to fulfill their potential.
•Adolescents are encouraged to appreciate that they have a greater chance to reach their potential when clear rules or boundaries (some of which are negotiated) are in place. They understand that, when they choose to step over these boundaries, there will be reasonable consequences.
Well-known psychologist and youth mentoring expert Professor Jean Rhodes7 wrote: “Shepherd Zeldin and colleagues reviewed more than 200 research studies and concluded that, in order to successfully pass through adolescence, youth need ‘access to safe places, challenging experiences, and caring people on a daily basis’.”
Mentoring tip: Mentoring is a commitment—you invest in the future when you move alongside a young person as their non-judgmental cheerleader.
Day 3: Adolescents feel valued
When researchers state that adolescents would like to be valued, what does this mean?
•The more adolescents feel valued, the more positive self-worth they experience.
•Adolescents want to be encouraged, and to feel they have some power and control over things that happen to them
•Adolescents who are guided by a mentor on a self-empowering journey feel valued, respected, liked, and regarded as significant resources.
•Adolescents value fun time to interact with peers and other adults. This involves the development of important social skills, made more vital as the digital age impacts their understanding of communication, body language, tone of voice, and gestures.
Kurt Hahn the great educator and founder of Outward Bound said: “There are three ways of trying to win the hearts of the young. There is persuasion, there is compulsion, and there is attraction. You can’t preach at them. That is a hook without worms. You can say, “You must volunteer,” and that is of the devil, and you can tell them, “You are needed,” and that appeal hardly ever fails.”
Mentoring tip: When your mentees feel they are valued and worth your time and effort, you are most likely to connect.
Day 4: Adolescents know their lives have meaning and purpose
What do researchers mean when they state that adolescents want to know that life has meaning and purpose?
•Adolescents can take ownership of the fact that their lives have significance.
•The more adolescents understand that there is a reason for their existence, the more significant they feel.
•Adolescents value encouragement to explore opportunities within and outside of school or the workplace, to learn and develop new skills and interests. This is especially important as their brains develop.
•Adolescents are encouraged to acquire a commitment to learning: academic success and the long-term value of learning enhance their self-worth as they discover their gifts and talents.
•Adolescents can appreciate and understand how to make tough decisions and choices, and how to cope with new situations.
•Adolescents require guidance to develop a positive view of the future.
Mentors strive to build their mentees up, encourage, correct, and stretch them.
Mentors never hesitate to make themselves vulnerable with their mentees, and do their best to live and model sound morals and values.
Mentoring tip: Positively influence your mentee, and serve as a role model, and wise advocate.
Mentoring moments
I was diagnosed with cancer aged nine. During the next two years I underwent two major operations and months of radiotherapy, receiving twice the adult dose. In his journal, my father described me as “dangerously ill.”
Peter Le Mesurier was my junior school teacher and sport coach. He wrote to my father before my first major operation to wish me well.
Many months later I was desperate to follow my passion and return to the sport fields. Peter understood my situation, protected me from danger, nurtured, coached, and inspired me to become a better player within a collaborative team environment.
Peter was a man of few words. However, he was a significant adult role model in my young life. He remained interested in my school and professional career until his death at an old age. Peter sowed the seeds of the spirit of mentoring in the life of a young boy desperately trying to find his way. I am indebted to his unconditional care and encouragement displayed to me throughout my life.
Mentoring tip: Significant adults in the lives