Mentoring Minutes. Robin Cox
turn it into a lifetime.
Turn that moment
into a lifetime—
nobody can stop you.
(William Hagar)
Ken concluded his note and informed me of his selection for a state sports team—a goal achieved.
Mentoring tip: Always remind youth that you are present in their lives to encourage them to fulfill their heart’s desires.
8. Rhodes, Stand by Me, 35.
9. United States Education Department, Yes You Can.
Week 3
Mentors as role models
The best teachers are those who tell you where to look, but don’t tell you what to see.
—Alexandra K. Trenfor
Day 1: Meet your mentee
The early stages of a mentoring relationship are the most challenging. Two strangers, unique, gifted, and talented individuals of different ages, and from different backgrounds come together to embark on a journey into the unknown.
Set out to create a nurturing and supportive relationship. Your mentee must feel affirmed and encouraged at all times.
During the early stages of the mentoring journey you—as the adult—set the tone of the meetings. Establish yourself as a positive role model, and place some clear boundaries in the relationship with which you and your mentee are comfortable—negotiate these. You share your values as you share your life story. Make sure you back these up with consistent behavior and actions.
Assist your mentee to share thoughts about what is right and wrong. Do not be afraid to chat to your mentee if you feel their behavior is inappropriate. Point out why you feel the way you do, and share thoughts about more appropriate behavior.
Listen to your mentee and encourage them to think about the future. You assist them to set personal, achievable, and realistic goals, a fun and often rewarding experience for both parties.
Mentoring tip: Mentoring relationships are often one-sided initially. You, not your mentee, are responsible for keeping the relationship alive.
Day 2: Mentors are role models
Every mentoring relationship is different. Here are a few pointers about how you can strive to become an exemplary mentor to youth—there are no perfect mentors.
•Encourage, coach, and inspire mentees to develop their personal visions for the future.
•Express your personal feelings verbally and through body language, such as an authentic smile, laughing out loud, communicating disappointment, anger, or sadness in your voice and facial expressions.
•Feel secure and unthreatened in the face of a mentee’s ambivalent attitudes or strong feelings.
•Wherever possible work with the mentee’s family, or caregivers, or teachers, or employer, to provide them with support, friendship, encouragement, reinforcement, constructive and honest feedback, and wise counsel.
•Encourage mentees to recognize the importance of a sound education, and to see the links between studies, career training and future career, professional fields of interests or hobbies.
•Assist mentees to enter the workplace and understand employer expectations about attitude, preparedness, appearance, teamwork, and skills required for the particular job.
Mentoring tip: Provide a safe space for your mentee to share sensitive issues. Young people appreciate sincere guidance and encouragement from a non-parent adult they respect and can trust.
Day 3: Key areas of a mentor’s role
Adolescence is a period for loosening home ties, exploring the world outside the family, trying out new roles, and learning to be independent. Traversing this difficult terrain successfully is facilitated by the presence of trusted adults to whom youth can turn for guidance and support. Through interactions with others, particularly supportive adults, youth acquire the skills necessary for successfully negotiating the world at large.
—Cynthia Sipe10
With these words in mind, consider four key areas a trusted, supportive mentor can explore with their mentee during the mentoring journey.
1.Mentors offer academic help. They provide practical help. Link the mentee with someone who can assist them, while you explore and identify resources with your mentee.
2.Mentors involve themselves in a career exploration journey. Find out what the mentee is curious about; arrange job shadowing; encourage internet research; conduct informational interviews with your mentee, and explore opportunities and interests together.
3.Mentors provide social experiences. Take your mentee out of the neighborhood, and expose them to as many cultural and recreational experiences as possible.
4.Mentors offer emotional support. Pay attention and show genuine concern towards your mentee which the latter might lack in their personal environment; be the trusted adult your mentee can talk to about issues they are uncomfortable discussing with their parents or caregivers.
Mentoring tip: Great mentors explore their mentees’ worlds together, dream their dreams, and inspire them to turn these dreams into reality.
Day 4: Connect with your mentee
A mentor must allow the relationship with their mentee to evolve. Be realistic about the time required. Do not expect miracles—teenagers are experiencing one of the most confusing periods of their lives.
Start with the non-threatening getting-to-know you process, which is likely to reveal some of your mentee’s interests. Armed with this knowledge, conversations can progress to a straightforward goal setting journey. Your mentee must “always” take ownership of their goals.
Your mentee might test you during the early months, especially if they have been let down by a number of adults over a period of time. Be clear about your mentoring role. Negotiate clear boundaries. Never quit on your mentee.
After about six months (sooner for some mentors, later for others) your relationship moves to a deeper and more trusting level. Your mentee appreciates your genuine affirmations and looks forward to your interactions.
Never compare your mentoring relationship to others. Remember that you are the adult in the relationship. You might have to drive things during the early stages of the mentoring journey. Make sure that your mentee always feels safe and secure when they meet with you.
Mentoring tip: Mentoring involves opening your heart, and inviting your mentee to share your life. It is fun!
Mentoring moments
Fifteen-year-old Mason reflected on a nine-month mentoring relationship with his mentor, Ruth, in a school-based mentoring program:
From this mentoring journey I learnt a lot of things such as, what I wanted to do for my future career and how I was going to achieve the goals I set for myself. The mentoring journey has also showed me how I could improve my life so I wasted a lot less time on things that didn’t matter, and I decided to use that time to help myself achieve my long-term goals. I don’t think I could have achieved this without the help of my mentor and this mentoring program.
Ruth wrote:
I have enjoyed sharing this journey with Mason. I have seen him grow in confidence and self-belief. He has made positive changes in his daily life, has discovered a career path that interests him, and has become more assertive. I have enjoyed his sense of humor. I wish him well for his future and know that if he continues to believe in himself, he will accomplish more than he ever dreamed of.
Mentoring