Psmith Series. P. G. Wodehouse
“If you move a little to the left,” said Psmith, “you will catch the light and shade effects on Jackson’s face better.”
The new-comer giggled with renewed vigour.; “Are you the chap with the eyeglass who jaws all the time?”
“I do wear an eyeglass,” said Psmith; “as to the rest of the description——”
“My name’s Jellicoe.”
“Mine is Psmith—P-s-m-i-t-h—one of the Shropshire Psmiths.; The object on the skyline is Comrade Jackson.”
“Old Spiller,” giggled Jellicoe, “is cursing you like anything downstairs.; You are chaps!; Do you mean to say you simply bagged his study?; He’s making no end of a row about it.”
“Spiller’s fiery nature is a byword,” said Psmith.
“What’s he going to do?” asked Mike, in his practical way.
“He’s going to get the chaps to turn you out.”
“As I suspected,” sighed Psmith, as one mourning over the frailty of human nature.; “About how many horny-handed assistants should you say that he would be likely to bring?; Will you, for instance, join the glad throng?”
“Me?; No fear!; I think Spiller’s an ass.”
“There’s nothing like a common thought for binding people together. I think Spiller’s an ass.”
“How many will there be, then?” asked Mike.
“He might get about half a dozen, not more, because most of the chaps don’t see why they should sweat themselves just because Spiller’s study has been bagged.”
“Sturdy common sense,” said Psmith approvingly, “seems to be the chief virtue of the Sedleigh character.”
“We shall be able to tackle a crowd like that,” said Mike.; “The only thing is we must get into the same dormitory.”
“This is where Comrade Jellicoe’s knowledge of the local geography will come in useful.; Do you happen to know of any snug little room, with, say, about four beds in it?; How many dormitories are there?”
“Five—there’s one with three beds in it, only it belongs to three chaps.”
“I believe in the equal distribution of property.; We will go to Comrade Outwood and stake out another claim.”
Mr. Outwood received them even more beamingly than before.; “Yes, Smith?” he said.
“We must apologise for disturbing you, sir——”
“Not at all, Smith, not at all!; I like the boys in my house to come to me when they wish for my advice or help.”
“We were wondering, sir, if you would have any objection to Jackson, Jellicoe and myself sharing the dormitory with the three beds in it.; A very warm friendship—” explained Psmith, patting the gurgling Jellicoe kindly on the shoulder, “has sprung up between Jackson, Jellicoe and myself.”
“You make friends easily, Smith.; I like to see it—I like to see it.”
“And we can have the room, sir?”
“Certainly—certainly!; Tell the matron as you go down.”
“And now,” said Psmith, as they returned to the study, “we may say that we are in a fairly winning position.; A vote of thanks to Comrade Jellicoe for his valuable assistance.”
“You are a chap!” said Jellicoe.
The handle began to revolve again.
“That door,” said Psmith, “is getting a perfect incubus!; It cuts into one’s leisure cruelly.”
This time it was a small boy.; “They told me to come up and tell you to come down,” he said.
Psmith looked at him searchingly through his eyeglass.
“Who?”
“The senior day-room chaps.”
“Spiller?”
“Spiller and Robinson and Stone, and some other chaps.”
“They want us to speak to them?”
“They told me to come up and tell you to come down.”
“Go and give Comrade Spiller our compliments and say that we can’t come down, but shall be delighted to see him up here.; Things,” he said, as the messenger departed, “are beginning to move.; Better leave the door open, I think; it will save trouble.; Ah, come in, Comrade Spiller, what can we do for you?”
Spiller advanced into the study; the others waited outside, crowding in the doorway.
“Look here,” said Spiller, “are you going to clear out of here or not?”
“After Mr. Outwood’s kindly thought in giving us the room?; You suggest a black and ungrateful action, Comrade Spiller.”
“You’ll get it hot, if you don’t.”
“We’ll risk it,” said Mike.
Jellicoe giggled in the background; the drama in the atmosphere appealed to him.; His was a simple and appreciative mind.
“Come on, you chaps,” cried Spiller suddenly.
There was an inward rush on the enemy’s part, but Mike had been watching.; He grabbed Spiller by the shoulders and ran him back against the advancing crowd.; For a moment the doorway was blocked, then the weight and impetus of Mike and Spiller prevailed, the enemy gave back, and Mike, stepping into the room again, slammed the door and locked it.
“A neat piece of work,” said Psmith approvingly, adjusting his tie at the looking-glass.; “The preliminaries may now be considered over, the first shot has been fired.; The dogs of war are now loose.”
A heavy body crashed against the door.
“They’ll have it down,” said Jellicoe.
“We must act, Comrade Jackson!; Might I trouble you just to turn that key quietly, and the handle, and then to stand by for the next attack.”
There was a scrambling of feet in the passage outside, and then a repetition of the onslaught on the door.; This time, however, the door, instead of resisting, swung open, and the human battering-ram staggered through into the study.; Mike, turning after re-locking the door, was just in time to see Psmith, with a display of energy of which one would not have believed him capable, grip the invader scientifically by an arm and a leg.
Mike jumped to help, but it was needless; the captive was already on the window-sill.; As Mike arrived, Psmith dropped him on to the flower-bed below.
Psmith closed the window gently and turned to Jellicoe.; “Who was our guest?” he asked, dusting the knees of his trousers where they had pressed against the wall.
“Robinson.; I say, you are a chap!”
“Robinson, was it?; Well, we are always glad to see Comrade Robinson, always.; I wonder if anybody else is thinking of calling?”
Apparently frontal attack had been abandoned.; Whisperings could be heard in the corridor.
Somebody hammered on the door.
“Yes?” called Psmith patiently.
“You’d better come out, you know; you’ll only get it hotter if you don’t.”
“Leave us, Spiller; we would be alone.”
A bell rang in the distance.
“Tea,” said Jellicoe; “we shall have to go now.”
“They won’t do anything till after tea, I shouldn’t think,” said Mike.; “There’s no harm