60 Plays: The George Bernard Shaw Edition (Illustrated). GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
cares for me gives me up because of my temper. I never shew my temper to any of the servants but that girl; and she is the only one that will stay with us.
SARTORIUS But, my dear, remember that we have to meet our visitors at luncheon presently. I have run down before them to say that I have arranged that little difficulty with Trench. It was only a piece of mischief made by Lickcheese. Trench is a young fool; but it is all right now.
BLANCHE I dont want to marry a fool.
SARTORIUS Then you will have to take a husband over thirty, Blanche. You must not expect too much, my child. You will be richer than your husband, and, I think, cleverer too. I am better pleased that it should be so.
BLANCHE [seizing his arm] Papa.
SARTORIUS Yes, my dear.
BLANCHE May I do as I like about this marriage; or must I do as you like?
SARTORIUS [uneasily] Blanche —
BLANCHE No, papa: You must answer me.
SARTORIUS [Abandoning his selfcontrol, and giving way recklessly to his affection for her] You shall do as you like now and always, my beloved child. I only wish to do as my own darling pleases.
BLANCHE Then I will not marry him. He has played fast and loose with me. He thinks us beneath him: He is ashamed of us: He dared to object to being benefited by you as if it were not natural for him to owe you everything; and yet the money tempted him after all. [She throws her arms hysterically about his neck] Papa: I dont want to marry: I only want to stay with you and be happy as we have always been. I hate the thought of being married: I dont care for him: I dont want to leave you. [Trench and Cokane come in; but she can hear nothing but her own voice and does not notice them.] Only send him away: Promise me that you will send him away and keep me here with you as we have always — [seeing Trench] Oh! [She hides her face on her father’s breast]
TRENCH [nervously] I hope we are not intruding.
SARTORIUS [formidably] Dr Trench: My daughter has changed her mind.
TRENCH [disconcerted] Am I to understand —
COKANE [striking in in his most vinegary manner] I think, Harry, under the circumstances, we have no alternative but to seek luncheon elsewhere.
TRENCH But, Mr Sartorius, have you explained?
SARTORIUS [straight in Trench’s face] I have explained, sir. Good morning. [Trench, outraged, advances a step. Blanche sinks away from her father into a chair. Sartorius stands his ground rigidly.]
TRENCH [turning away indignantly] Come on, Cokane.
COKANE Certainly, Harry, certainly. [Trench goes out, very angry. The parlor maid, with a tray jingling in her hands, passes outside. To Sartorius:] You have disappointed me, sir, very acutely. Good morning. [He follows Trench].
ACT III
The drawingroom in Sartorius’s house in Bedford Square. Winter evening: Fire burning, curtains drawn and lamps lighted. Sartorius and Blanche are sitting glumly near the fire. The parlor maid, who has just brought in coffee, is placing it on a small table between them. There is a large table in the middle of the room. Looking from it towards the two windows, the pianoforte, a grand, is on the right, with a photographic portrait of Blanche on a miniature easel on the top. There are two doors, one on the left, further forward than the fireplace, leading to the study; the other by the corner nearest the right hand window, leading to the lobby. Blanche has her work basket at hand, and is knitting. Sartorius, closer to the fire, has a newspaper. The parlor maid goes out.
SARTORIUS Blanche, my love.
BLANCHE Yes.
SARTORIUS I had a long talk to the doctor to-day about our going abroad.
BLANCHE [impatiently] I am quite well; and I will not go abroad. I loathe the very thought of the Continent. Why will you bother me so about my health?
SARTORIUS It was not about your health, Blanche, but about my own.
BLANCHE [rising] Yours! [She goes anxiously to him.] Oh, papa, theres nothing the matter with you, I hope?
SARTORIUS There will be, there must be, Blanche, long before you begin to consider yourself an old woman.
BLANCHE But theres nothing the matter now?
SARTORIUS Well, my dear, the doctor says I need change, travel, excitement —
BLANCHE Excitement! You need excitement! [She laughs joylessly, and sits down on the rug at his feet] How is it, papa, that you, who are so clever with everybody else, are not a bit clever with me? Do you think I cant see through your little plan to take me abroad? Since I will not be the invalid and allow you to be the nurse, you are to be the invalid and I am to be the nurse.
SARTORIUS Well, Blanche, if you will have it that you are well and have nothing preying on your spirits, I must insist on being ill and have something preying on mine. And indeed, my girl, there is no use in our going on as we have for the last four months. You have not been happy; and I have been far from comfortable. [Blanche’s face clouds : she turns away from him and sits dumb and brooding. He waits in vain for some reply; then adds in a lower tone:] Need you be so inflexible, Blanche?
BLANCHE I thought you admired inflexibility: You have always prided yourself on it.
SARTORIUS Nonsense, my dear, nonsense. I have had to give in often enough. And I could shew you plenty of soft fellows who have done as well as I, and enjoyed themselves more, perhaps. If it is only for the sake of inflexibility that you are standing out.
BLANCHE I am not standing out. I dont know what you mean. [She tries to rise and go away.]
SARTORIUS [Catching her arm and arresting her on her knees.] Come, my child: you must not trifle with me as if I were a stranger. You are fretting because —
BLANCHE [violently twisting herself free and speaking as she rises] If you say it, papa, I will kill myself. It is not true. If he were here on his knees tonight, I would walk out of the house sooner than endure it. [She goes out excitedly. Sartorius, greatly troubled, turns again to the fire with a heavy sigh]
SARTORIUS [gazing gloomily into the glow] Now if I fight it out with her, no more comfort for months! I might as well live with my clerk or my servant. And if I give in now, I shall have to give in always. Well! I cant help it. I have stuck to having my own way all my life; but there must be an end to that drudgery some day. She is young: Let her have her turn at it. [The parlor maid comes in.]
THE PARLOR MAID Please, sir, Mr Lickcheese wants to see you very particlar. On important business your business, he told me to say.
SARTORIUS Mr Lickcheese! Do you mean Lickcheese who used to come here on my business?
THE PARLOR MAID Yes, sir. But indeed, sir, youd scarcely know him.
SARTORIUS [frowning] Hm! Starving, I suppose. Come to beg?
THE PARLOR MAID [intensely repudiating the idea] O-o-o-o-h no, sir. Quite the gentleman, sir! Sealskin overcoat, sir! Come in a hansom, all shaved and clean! I’m sure he’s come into a fortune, sir.
SARTORIUS Hm! Shew him up.
[Lickcheese, who has been waiting at the door, instantly comes in. The change in his appearance is dazzling. He is in evening dress, with an overcoat lined throughout with furs presenting all the hues of the tiger. His shirt is fastened at the breast with a single diamond stud. His silk hat is of the glossiest black; a handsome gold watchchain hangs like a garland on his jilled-out waistcoat; he has shaved his whiskers and grown a moustache, the ends of which are waxed and pointed. As Sartorius stares speechless at him, he stands, smiling, to be admired, intensely enjoying the effect he is producing. The parlor maid, hardly less pleased with her own share in this coup-de-theatre, goes out beaming, full of the news for the kitchen. Lickcheese clinches