Riches of Grace: A Compilation of Experiences in the Christian Life. E. E. Byrum
oft escaped the tempter's snare,
By thy return, sweet hour of prayer."
HEALING
Although I had never received any definite teaching on the subject of divine healing, yet almost intuitively, it seems, I would call upon the Lord for help when afflicted, and would receive the needed help. Several times my mother seemed to be at the point of death. With troubled heart, I sought the place of prayer to tell the Lord all about it. My heart was comforted, my prayers were answered, and Mother was spared.
CALL TO THE MINISTRY
Even in childhood I learned to pray and to testify in public. At first these things were very hard for me, owing to my timid disposition. However, I was always blessed in the effort. The impression came to me early in life that some day I should preach the gospel; in fact, I would occasionally find myself mentally addressing an imaginary audience. Many of my acquaintances also were impressed that the ministry would be my life-work.
DRIFTING
As time went on, formality again found its way into our meetings, and I also imbibed its spirit. My conscience was no longer as tender as it had been, and I actually indulged in things that were sinful. Still I kept up my profession, attended the services, testified and prayed in public, and was generally counted a good Christian.
CONVICTION
At last a humble man of God became our pastor. Without fear, and yet in gentleness and meekness, he preached the Word of God as far as he had light. As I sat under his preaching, the truth went straight to my heart, and I began to see my lack. The revival meeting had now begun, and I saw that I must either serve God in earnest, obeying him in all things, or quit professing.
RECLAIMED
One night after services, while on the way to my room, I resolved to get where the Lord would have me to be even if I should have to pray all night. I began; but the more I prayed the worse I felt. I was shown one thing after another that I should have to give up or make right if I would enjoy God's favor. About the midnight hour, I had said the last yes to God, and then came the test of faith. That very evening I had heard the minister instructing seekers to give up all sin, to ask God's forgiveness, and then to believe his promise that he forgives and saves, whether any change was noticed in the feelings or not; and although I had always longed for the great emotions I thought others had experienced, yet in the absence of any particular feeling, I was willing to believe God's promise.
When I first began to pray, I was conscious of a great deal of fear, which deepened until it seemed I was almost in despair; but as I yielded my will to God's will, all fears subsided, and just before I grasped the promise, I was void of any particular emotion. It seemed to please the Lord to take this plan to teach me that, after all, salvation does not come by feeling. Then calmly and quietly I laid hold upon the promise, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). I said to the Lord, "Now I am willing to forsake all sin and do all thou wouldst have me to do; and although I do not feel any great change, yet I believe that, according to thy Word, thou dost save me now." Quietly but earnestly I said from the depths of my heart, "Jesus saves me now." In a short time the peace of God gently flooded my soul, and I knew that my sins were forgiven.
After spending some time in peaceful communion with God, I went to sleep, knowing beyond a doubt that if I should never awaken, my spirit would immediately take its flight to the realms of the blest. In my gratitude, the tears streamed down my face, and I wondered how I had ever been content to live at such a distance from God as I had lived during the past few years.
CONFLICT WITH DOUBTS
When I awoke the next morning, the peace of God was still in my soul; but Satan faintly whispered, "Perhaps, after all, you were mistaken last night; you may not have a genuine experience of salvation." He suggested also, "You do not feel quite so joyful as you did." In spite of all this, I knew that a great change had taken place in me. Some whom I had previously hated, I now most tenderly loved. Life had a new charm for me, and I remarked to my mother that it seemed that I had just begun to live. So in spite of all the doubts suggested by the evil one, I testified publicly how God had most wonderfully blessed me. While testifying, I was blessed again.
FEELINGS
I now turned my attention toward my feelings and decided that the normal experience of the Christian was to be happy and joyful constantly. My joy soon settled down into a deep, calm peace. Soon the enemy began to suggest, "Where is your joy? You must be losing out." At these times I tried to stir my emotions again by meditation and earnest prayer. However, I was not always successful; and often great distress settled over my spirit. Sometimes I would almost decide that I must be unsaved, although I also had victory over the sins that formerly held me in bondage, and my supreme desire was to do God's will in all things. Yet my feelings were so variable that perhaps one day I would feel glad and joyful and would conclude that I was truly saved. At such times I would decide never to doubt my experience again; then probably the next day, if not the very same day, my feelings would change, and the old doubts would come back again.
SEVERE TEMPTATIONS
I was also surprized in another respect. The old temptations that had seemingly left me never to return, as I had hoped, came back with renewed force. By earnest prayer, however, I obtained complete deliverance. This taught me the necessity of watching and praying.
RESTITUTION
After some time I received light on the subject of restitution. Although I had never committed any grave or serious wrongs against any one, yet I need to confess some things and to make proper restitution to certain individuals. This was very humbling to me, as I was generally considered a good boy and a model young man in the community where I was born and reared and where I still resided at the time of my restoration to the favor of God. In fact, many seemed to believe that I was a pretty good Christian at the very time I was in my backslidden condition. It, therefore, took a great deal of grace to humble myself sufficiently to make these wrongs right. However, I was always blessed in making the required restitution.
GOING TO EXTREMES