Family Constellations. Jakob R Schneider
and stimulating. To round it off, there are a few basic theoretical considerations.
All of the insights, concepts, principles, and basics that were initially developed by Bert Hellinger (conscience, soul, orders of love and helping, dynamics of bonds and entanglements, and resolution), are included here in brief, in a form that is easy to understand. I know of no book that describes the broad scope of family constellations in such a clear, compact, yet comprehensive way. This book does not preach, it does not seduce, and it does not immobilise. Rather, it invites readers to form their own ideas about family constellations and to draw their own conclusions. In the author’s style and expression, readers already have a taste of the attitude that underlies all family constellation work: collected awareness, a respectful orientation towards resources and resolutions, and extreme reserve in setting intentions or goals.
Jakob Schneider has been friends with Bert Hellinger for many years and is the only therapist who has continued long-term to offer constellation work the way Bert Hellinger developed it. Because of his non-dogmatic, non-prescriptive, neutral stance, readers are not tempted to react to the ideas defensively as has happened (at least to me) with other books on family constellations. Although Jakob Schneider remains very close to Bert Hellinger’s conceptualisation, this book is very much his own. Constellation work has been at the centre of his work and that of his wife, Sieglinde, for a very long time, and his intensive confrontation with the work through twenty years of experience is clearly visible. The work is clearly embodied in him in his flesh and blood (or, perhaps the work is individually “tailored” to him, in keeping with his name, Schneider, the German word for tailor). Since he often works abroad, the book opens a wide horizon that often goes far beyond the usual boundaries of counselling and psychotherapy in a sensitive way that I find satisfying and not artificially elevated.
Just as Paul Watzlawick was able to present Gregory Bateson’s ideas to readers in an attractive and accessible way, this book could help to raise awareness of Bert Hellinger’s insights and of family constellation work, a work whose deep and unique effects continue to move and amaze me.
The book has something to offer everyone who is already working with constellations, but also those who are interested in gaining an overview of this work.
Gunthard Weber Wiesloch, February 2007
Prologue
The family constellation work initiated by Bert Hellinger has now grown far beyond its infancy. In an astoundingly short period of time, the work has spread to reach large numbers of people in Germanspeaking countries and further throughout the world. The people attracted to this approach are interested in problem-solving methods that also incorporate an awareness of the existence of the human soul. Many psychotherapists and counsellors from various backgrounds are now offering constellation work in a wide range of therapeutic settings with groups, individuals, couples, and families.
Alongside the spread of family constellations and other systemic constellation work, there has been widespread criticism voiced about Bert Hellinger and other constellation leaders, and about the method in general. Unfortunately, the criticism has too often been put forth without any basis in actual experience or an in-depth knowledge of what really happens in family constellations.
So, what really happens in family constellations? What insights and experiences are engendered by this “phenomenological-systemic” method, as it is sometimes called? What does one need to know in order to understand family constellations, or to practise the method? What is needed to understand the basic methodology, the processes of bonding and resolution in a relationship system, the role of conscience, the soul, fate, entanglements and the kind of acceptance that bring resolution? How strongly do the “orders of love” influence chances of success in a relationship? How do “orders” and “movements of the soul” fit together in constellations? In which areas of counselling and psychotherapy can family constellations be used, and what are the effects? In what sense can we understand the process in family constellations as phenomenological and systemic? What explanations can we offer for the fact that representatives seem to have access to a foreign sensory awareness, a key factor in the constellation method?
This book is intended for everyone who is interested in family constellations as well as those who are learning to use the method. It presents insights gleaned from 20 years’ practice of family constellations that add to our general understanding of family dynamics and intimate human relationships. Those who are interested in delving deeper into the literature of family and systemic constellations are referred to the reading list, which includes books by Bert Hellinger and others.
There are few references to other literature and little discussion of a general nature in this book. It is restricted to a description of one method, and the basic processes of bonding and resolution in the soul as they appear in family constellations. I am writing from my own point of view, describing my own experiences and thoughts on the subject. It is not my intention to refute the wider criticisms of this method, nor to give an overview of the wide variety of methods and perspectives within the constellation work as a whole. Whenever any new method develops and spreads, there is a confrontation with other approaches and the emergence of new practices and applications. Starting with Bert Hellinger’s original formulation, I hope to articulate a current understanding of constellation work that addresses the essentials of this approach, and also explores further implications, suggested by our experiences in constellations, as to the nature of relationships in our lives.
Throughout the book I have employed several linguistic conventions. When I refer simply to “the father” or “the mother”, in the examples of constellations, I mean the representatives of these family members. If I am talking about the actual client or actual family members, I will make that clear. The case examples are largely related from memory and have been altered slightly to protect the anonymity of those involved. They are not intended to serve as documentation or “proof”, but rather to illustrate particular concepts, and are accurate in all details relative to those concepts.
To avoid repeatedly mentioning that constellation leaders may be psychotherapists, counsellors, social workers, or others in the helping professions, I am using the word “therapist” for all those who lead constellations, and the word “client” for those who are seeking help or guidance. This presents some inherent problems, since family constellations, in and of themselves, are not psychotherapy, and those who are seeking help, guidance, or a path of personal development using this method are not necessarily in treatment of any kind. However, these terms seem to be the most comprehensive and understandable both for psychotherapists and for lay readers, and they reflect a general idea in the simplest way. I would ask the reader to take these terms only in the widest sense. This does not take into consideration any legal restrictions on who is allowed to practise psychotherapy or call themselves psychotherapists, or the various conditions under which constellation work may be offered. Those are separate regulatory issues, which are of practical importance.
A word about me, personally: I have been working with family constellations for twenty years. Following a constellation of my own family, led by Bert Hellinger in the early stages of his developing this method, I felt I had to try it out myself, immediately, in my work with youths and students. Family constellation work quickly became an invaluable core of my work as a marriage and family counsellor. My experiences as a friend of Bert Hellinger, and intense observer of his methods of working with clients and his style of teaching have furthered my own development and been adapted to suit my own personal style. Through constellation work, I have been privileged to meet many colleagues in Germany and abroad, and I continue to be impressed by the warmhearted dedication, the depth of understanding, and the wide variety of personal expression that they have contributed to the development of family constellation work and to practices in their own areas. Without those meetings, this book would surely never have been written.
Countless clients have allowed me the privilege of participating in their fate and their exploration of change. Their contributions are also essential to this book, and I feel deeply connected to all of them.
I would like to give particular thanks to my friend, Dr Gunthard Weber, who prompted me to write the book. It is always a pleasure and a