Family Constellations. Jakob R Schneider
what happened in his family, or his parents’ families.
The young man reports the following facts about his family:
His maternal grandfather left his wife (the client’s mother’s mother) when his mother was seven years old. His mother saw her father a few more times, but then he re-married and the contact was lost. When the client’s mother was 16, her father died. Neither his mother nor his grandmother attended his grandfather’s funeral because they did not learn of his death until some time later.
The client’s paternal grandmother died when his father, an only child, was five years old. The grandfather took care of the child for a while, but then he had to give the boy to his dead wife’s sister. This aunt had no children of her own and she and her husband adopted the child (the client’s father). They lost contact with the boy’s natural father and his fate is unknown.
On the basis of this information, the therapist makes some changes in the constellation. He adds a representative for the mother’s father and puts him in the place where the son had originally been standing. Then he moves the daughter somewhat off to the side and in her place he puts a representative for the father’s mother.
| F | = | father |
| M | = | mother |
| S1 | = | elder son (client) |
| D2 | = | younger daughter |
| PGM | = | paternal grandmother (father’s mother) |
| MGF | = | maternal grandfather (mother’s father) |
Diagram 3
The client’s mother spontaneously turns towards her father and snuggles up to him like a little girl. She sighs deeply and then smiles happily. The father’s mother, however, moves forward as though sleepwalking until she bumps into someone sitting in the group. The daughter looks at her grandmother and begins to take a step forward, but then remains in her place, albeit uneasily. The client’s father shuts his eyes and becomes very rigid. The therapist, without speaking, takes the father and leads him to follow his mother (the client’s grandmother). After a while, the father reaches out to his mother from behind her and, still with his eyes closed, leans his head on her back. The therapist has the grandmother turn around. She looks at her son and takes him in her arms. The father begins to weep and after struggling with himself about whether to defend himself or to give in, he finally presses himself close to his mother and slowly becomes calm. The daughter has tears in her eyes and she follows her father. She lays her hand comfortingly on his back as if she were his parent.
| F | = | father |
| M | = | mother |
| S1 | = | elder son (client) |
| D2 | = | younger daughter |
| PGM | = | paternal grandmother (father’s mother) |
| MGF | = | maternal grandfather (mother’s father) |
Diagram 4
The son seems rather uninvolved and when asked says:
Son: It’s good for me to have my mother’s father. I’m relieved that he’s there and I feel better. All that with my father is somehow rather far away from me.
The mother now stands up straight next to her father and says:
Mother: Now, for the first time, I have some feeling for my husband and I notice that he is missing from my side. I’d like it if he would come back. It feels very good and very secure with my father here next to me.
The therapist leads the father back to a position next to his wife and places his mother very near behind him, but in a place where she can see her grandchildren. He places the two children in front of their parents. The son is standing opposite his father and the daughter opposite the mother. He moves the mother’s father a bit off to the side and adds a representative for the mother’s mother to stand behind the mother. He arranges the representatives in order, so that the mother’s father, who died young, can be seen, but has a place somewhat apart from his daughter and his first wife. The mother’s mother strengthens her daughter and the father’s mother stands behind her son, giving good support.
| F | = | father |
| M | = | mother |
| S1 | = | elder son (client) |
| D2 | = | younger daughter |
| PGM | = | paternal grandmother (father’s mother) |
| MGF | = | maternal grandfather (mother’s father) |
| MGM | = | maternal grandmother (mother’s mother) |
Diagram 5
The therapist asks the representatives for their feedback:
Father: The warmth that I felt earlier from the front, from my daughter, is now coming from behind, from my mother, and that feels very good. I am aware of my wife now and for the first time I can really see my children, especially my son. Somehow, I feel a bit proud now. Still, my legs are rather weak.
Mother: I feel good having my mother at my back, but my husband is too far away from me. I’m not happy with this. In some way we are a family now, but I feel an unsatisfied longing and my son is too far away. There is still something between my husband and me, as if there’s something keeping us apart.
Son: I feel much better here now that I’ve got a father, and my grandmother’s look of love touches my heart. When my mother looks so longingly at me, I feel weak. Generally speaking, I could use some strength. Perhaps another man near my father…? My grandfather? (The therapist adds a representative for the father’s father and places him at the father’s side, but at a distance.)
| F | = | father |