Dancing To Happiness. Marisa Santi
I’m really surprised and happy. Fortunately in the last period it’s much better with Max. We are again so harmonious to make anybody envious, the classical perfect couple. I’m succeeding in calming down and in masking my feelings for Matthias. I have understand that we do not belong together and that nothing will ever happen between us. It’s not fair to think about or desire the man of another and above all it’s not fair to hurt the man who loves me. The more I look around me, the more I realize how much lucky I am.
Everybody seems to have fun and the party organised by my parents is taking place for the best; the food is great, my mother has prepared my favourite dishes and everybody is submerging me in affection and gifts.
<<Come on, Isabel! Unwrap your presents>> Rossana urges, distracting me from my thoughts.
<<Yes, come here, so you’ll see them too!>> I say to her, knowing her curiosity.
The guys gave me a tracksuit and the girls gave me two sets of underwear: one is in black lace and the other is always in lace but pale pink and with a so narrow g-string that wearing it will not leave anything to the imagination.
A note draws my attention:
Watching you dance will always move me. You can make me enjoy the feeling of freedom, your every movement is poetry for me. Matthias
Reading it I panic for a moment. I open the box that accompanied the note to see what it contains and with amazement I find an iPod.
I look at Matthias and he tells me with a smile: <<This is more convenient that the mobile phone to listen to music when you go running.>>
<<Thank you>> I say to him smiling shyly.
Amazing! He is a good observer. I think no one has ever paid attention to what I wear and what I use to listen to music when I go running.
I get distracted by the doorbell, someone is ringing the bell and I wonder who it is. Here’s my curiosity is rewarded: there are some unwelcome guests, the two thugs with whom Matthias was quarrelling long ago at the front door.
Matthias stiffens in their presence. He invites them to go out accompanying them to the door and he goes away with them, leaving the party without saying goodbye.
I am very worried about him, I have thoughts more and more confused. I wonder what he conceals and what those nasty people want from him.
I don’t want to make my concern leak and I try to laugh and to get involved by the happiness of the others even if I’d just like to be alone with my thoughts.
The party is coming to an end and there’s neither form nor shadow of Matthias. I continue looking at the door of the living room hoping to see him back and to make sure he is okay. I’m worried, I’d like to ask my mother, maybe she knows something about Matthias’ past. After I change my mind: no, it’s not fair! I want him to tell me everything.
Little by little everyone leaves, including Max who I hope didn’t notice my “not being there” I must do something to stay up as much as possible to wait for Matthias’ return, I need to make sure he is okay.
<<Isabel, give me a hand to tidy up, please.>> my mother asks me, distracting me from the confusion that I have in my mind.
<<Yes, mummy>>
<<Happy for the surprise?>>
<<Very, really! Dad and you have been fantastic. Thank you!>> I say, hugging her tight.
<<Is there something that troubles you, my darling?>> she asks worried.
<<No, I’m just tired. You know, all the emotions of the just passed day.>>
<<I’ll end it alone, Isabel. Go to sleep.>> she says, accepting my fleeting answer.
<<I help you really gladly, you are surely very tired too!>> although I want to be alone and immerse myself in my thoughts, I believe that helping my mother can help me to distract myself and to pass the time. Who knows, maybe in the meantime Matthias could come back and I want to understand what his mood is. He may need to let off steam. Matthias, where on earth are you?
We clear the table, vacuum the floor, wash and dry the dishes, and tidy the kitchen up. An infinite amount of time passed and still no news of Matthias.
I stay with my mother to chat a little and make her see the gifts I received and then we head for our bedrooms.
I take a shower and get ready for the night. I lie on the bed and can not sleep. I continue thinking about Matthias, where he may be now and who the hell can be those disgusting beings. I wonder why he never speaks about his family; he is a so closed person... He has a more and more unstable mood, from smiling he clouds in no time at all. It does not take a rocket science to understand that those two unsavoury men are primitive; they have ignoble attitudes and certainly they ignore the existence of etiquette. They look like they’ve come out of some mafia movie. The only thought of them makes me shiver!
Sleep isn’t on the cards. I reread Matthias’ note and connect the iPod that he gave me to the laptop to load the music.
I hear footsteps! Matthias! I get out of bed and rush to the door, opening it wide.
<<Hi!>> I say, scrutinizing him to understand what mood he can be and above all to ensure he is still in one piece.
<<Forgive me if I woke you, coming back.>> he says worriedly.
<<Actually I could not sleep...>>
<<Forgive me if I went away like that.>>
I don’t give him the time to finish speaking and I ask him: <<Are you okay?>>
<<Yes, I’m just a little tired and I really want to go to sleep.>>
I realize that he does everything to avoid telling me what happened to him. Suddenly he changes his mood and I notice that he looks at me from head to foot and tells me sniggering: <<Nice pyjamas!>>
I look at myself and I realise that I wear a poor white satin underskirt that covers very little. I blush and try to turn tail as soon as possible.
<<Good night, Matthias>> I succeed in telling him in total embarrassment.
<<Good night, Isabel>> he says, winking mischievously.
Practically I run to my room, embarrassed to death. I forgot what I was wearing. I will go out of this bedroom no more. I’m having a lot of complexes. Oh my God! He could think that I did it on purpose to show me like that!
What should I do to help Matthias? I don’t understand why he insists on not wanting to vent with me. Maybe he believes that I’m not live up to it. He promised me that as soon as he wanted to talk to someone about it I would be the first one to whom he would do it. Maybe I just have to have a little patience. Matthias, why are you so taciturn?
“Sweet Isabel” Matthias thinks to himself, still amused by the expression and the embarrassment he has aroused in her and for a moment he thought no longer about his problems
“I have to find a solution as soon as possible. One of these days I’ll tell her everything. I have noticed how much she cares about me. It’s 3 a.m and certainly she stayed up to wait for me. Oh Isabel... If only everything was less complicated!”
VII
I did well to go jogging, in this way I relieved myself of some tension.
The sun emanates an unbearable heat. It’s autumn but today it seems to be the middle of summer. Where are the seasons? I can hardly wait for getting home to take this sweaty tracksuit off, freshen up and to wear something lighter.
Two silhouettes in front of the gate of the house draw my attention. What the heck are they doing here? There are the two well-known “gentlemen” with no good manners in front of the main