Real and Phantom Pains: An Anthology of New Russian Drama. John Freedman
You mean they’re neighbors already? I didn’t know that
LENOCHKA: Everything everywhere has numbers on it
MANIAC: Then maybe it’s something else
SNOWFLAKE: There are so many sick people in the world
LENOCHKA: Is it true you don’t have a safety chute?
MANIAC: No safety chute and no insurance
SNOWFLAKE: You must have some philosophy about that
MANIAC: My philosophy is that, sooner or later, all of us will be smashed to death against a cliff
SNOWFLAKE: Isn’t that lovely
LENOCHKA: Are you a good BASE jumper?
MANIAC: A good BASE jumper is a live BASE jumper
SNOWFLAKE: He’s crazy. Did you know that even his hands glow in the dark?
LENOCHKA: Yeah, he shows that to everyone
MANIAC: Blizzard and I once got drunk on champagne and we did a two-way jump
LENOCHKA: Together?
SNOWFLAKE: I’d never jump
MANIAC: What about with me?
SNOWFLAKE: Not in your dreams
MANIAC: Snowflake, I’m beginning to wonder if you’re a conformist at heart
SNOWFLAKE: Is that so bad?
LENOCHKA: You don’t have any principles at all
MANIAC: You think I don’t have any principles? Man, it’s you that doesn’t have any principles
LENOCHKA: Yes, I don’t have any principles, but that’s because I get new ones every day. We live in an accelerated age. Everything is speeding up
MANIAC: Speeding up for some, slowing down for others
SNOWFLAKE: It’s all so confusing
(The street. BUSHY-TAIL rides a tram car. Looks out the window.
MANIAC’s apartment. An enormous amount of people in constant, chaotic motion. Smoke. Music. Someone’s dancing. Someone isn’t. Someone’s watching a DVD. The girls are changing clothes, pulling new things out of bags, brushing their hair, rebrushing their hair, putting on make-up, redoing their make-up. BUSHY-TAIL enters, looks around, takes off her coat. Nobody pays her any attention. BUSHY-TAIL, on the contrary, misses nothing. She’s transfixed by everything she sees, her eyes open wide as she looks for a familiar face in the crowd. She recognizes BLIZZARD, then ORANGINA and sees MANIAC, SNOWFLAKE and LENOCHKA in various places. She listens carefully to the conversations going on around her.
BLIZZARD (In the bathroom, shaving his head bald): I’m in a mood like roulette – betting on red but the ball doesn’t fall
ORANGINA (Photographing the process): You have really sharp mood swings, up and down, up and down
BLIZZARD: Is it that obvious?
ORANGINA: It’s really irritating
MANIAC (On his telephone): Six feet? How much is it from the blast pipe to the blister fairing? Wow –
SNOWFLAKE (On her phone): You’re so cool about your decision it’s absurd
SNOWSTORM (Leafing through a magazine, going into the bathroom): Would you do me a tattoo?
BLIZZARD: I’ve been wanting to do one for a year
SNOWSTORM: Me for three
SNOWFLAKE: Maybe you’re ready but I’m not
MANIAC: Federal? Then that’s clear
SNOWSTORM: What ideas do you have?
BLIZZARD: I dream about these ideas – birds, patterns, dragons
SNOWFLAKE: Just because you want to isn’t enough. Nothing can come of nothing
MANIAC: All right-all right. But where’s the guarantee they don’t decide at the last minute that some cosmonaut would be better?
SNOWFLAKE: Well, you can think so if you want to
MANIAC: What can I say, man? You’re cool
LENOCHKA (On her phone): Listen, I can’t spend my whole life in the process of creating this thing
BLIZZARD (In the bathroom): I had this dream about Vladimir Vysotsky. I had that dream and I said – that’s it! I’ll do Vyotsky’s profile on my chest!
MANIAC: No, I can’t say as I’m ready for that. That came out of the blue
SNOWSTORM: You gonna do Marina Vlady on your back?
BLIZZARD: Yeah, I already set aside a hundred dollars
MANIAC: How much you need? 60 thou? Yeah, I got it, I hear what you said
SNOWFLAKE: No, I’m not depressed. I’ve got too much to do, to be depressed. I’ll give you a call if that happens
MANIAC: Can you put that in an email? Get it off to me today
LENOCHKA: You can redo it 60 times over but it still isn’t going to be right! Everybody’s so damn smart. Did you think I was going to go slit my wrists in the bathtub?
MANIAC: Those fighter jets are his? Holy shit! (Laughs hysterically.)
SNOWFLAKE: A woman can’t only give with her body. She has to give with her head, too
LENOCHKA: If you like it, dig it. If you don’t, get over and get on with it!
MANIAC: Is he offering anything under the table?
BLIZZARD (In the bathroom): Is that a nice skull?
SNOWSTORM: You want a skull tattoo?
SNOWFLAKE: It’s the eternal problem – the battle of reason and feeling
MANIAC: So what you’re saying is basically everything revolves around these fighter jets
SNOWFLAKE: I have no idea what to do
MANIAC: All right, okay. There’s people waiting here
BLIZZARD: This tattoo drove me wild
MANIAC: Our project was accepted on the federal level. The President just signed off on it
BLIZZARD: That’s hot shit
MANIAC: It’s perfectly logical
SNOWSTORM: What’s the project?
MANIAC: It’s secret
BLIZZARD: Then you’ll read about it tomorrow in the papers
SNOWFLAKE: Are you going off into space?
MANIAC: Unlike you, when I go, I’ll go on travel orders
(The six walk along the street with BUSHY-TAIL. They duck into a night club of some sort, passing by a long line. Neon lights flicker as they pass through face-control. LENOCHKA shows signs of nervousness, Snowflake keeps talking on her phone. Strobe lights, a bar, the dance floor, bathrooms, sofas, pillows, the bar, dance floor, bathrooms, the street – and so it goes until morning. ORANGINA photographs BUSHY-TAIL.
SNOWFLAKE (On her phone): Are we talking about the ideal man? All men say it doesn’t happen like that
LENOCHKA (To BUSHY-TAIL): You show too much of your personal self in your facial expressions
SNOWFLAKE: “Just like that,” as Assol said in Scarlet Sails
BUSHY-TAIL: What do you mean?
ORANGINA: Signs of a good upbringing
BUSHY-TAIL: Is that bad?
LENOCHKA: It could cause problems. But it might not