Senior Year, '94. Megan B. March
briefly at me and then back to Aria, catching her by surprise when he suddenly grabbed her by the waist and kissed her passionately in front of me. I knew it was a deliberate attempt to make me feel jealous. In all honesty, it just made me feel like I was the old, dirty toy that got played with for a little while and tossed aside for a different one.
The first bell was going to ring any minute and I finally got Alicia to shut her locker so we could go to class. Saying goodbye to the others, we headed off. Aria beamed back at me like old times, but Nate just nodded with narrowed eyes. If daggers could have shot out of his eyes, I would have had many protruding out of my chest. Neither Alicia nor Aria seemed to notice the way he looked at me, which was a relief and meant no inquisitive questions. I figured what happened the night before was still safe. Gritting my teeth, I had to figure out how to deal with this. It wasn’t right that both Aria and Jensen be kept in the dark. How did things get so goddamn complicated? Even more importantly, how did I let things go so far?
That evening after getting home from work, I decided to try calling Jensen. Coming into a cold, dark, and lonely house, I noticed the answering machine blinking the number one. My stomach was a ball of nerves as I pressed play. It was Jensen … finally. “Mia, call me, okay? I need to talk to you.” The message was short and sweet. Was I ready for this? I thought so when I was at work, but now I wasn’t so sure. Thinking that maybe he had news about Savannah he wanted to share with me, I set my book bag down on the couch and decided to call him. As I picked up the phone and punched in the numbers to his dorm, my stomach clenched with each ring. After the tenth ring Erik answered.
“Yeah! Keep your panties on!” he bellowed into the phone.
“Hi, Erik … it’s Mia. Is Jensen around?”
“Yeah, he’s around. I just don’t know where. He’s out at the moment. Message?” Erik’s tone was clipped. Did Jensen tell him what happened?
“Please, just tell him I called.”
“You got it. Later!” He quickly hung up.
I put the phone back in the cradle and regarded it for a moment before starting dinner. After I ate and did my homework, Jensen still hadn’t called me back. It was nine o’clock when I finally decided to go to bed after an exhausting first day back to school and work.
The remainder of the week at school was uncomfortable. Aria began to notice there was something odd going on between Nate and I. Not only because we didn’t come out of zero-hour together like we usually did, but also because he hardly spoke to me whenever all of us were together. To top it off, Jensen and I were also playing a vicious game of phone tag. His messages were not the usual, cheery Jensen and somehow they were now strained.
On Friday, during lunch hour outside of the student store, Aria poked me when Nate left to get lunch for them inside. Judging by the line I guessed he’d be in there for a while. Looking for something to say, I wondered out loud if Nate should be heading to work. His schedule was different than other students since he had a job to go to and this semester he only had four classes. Last semester, it was a sticking point for him to have to do six classes, but having done his freshman year in Seattle he’d been a few credits short to graduate from this school. Taking six periods during his first semester of senior year had been inevitable.
“Come over to the vending machines, please,” Aria said, ignoring my question about Nate going to work. I unwillingly followed her, the pit of my stomach dropping further with each step. When we were away from the majority of the crowd, she turned and looked at me. “What’s up with you and Nate? Are you guys fighting? He seems pissed off anytime I mention your name.”
“I guess you could say that.” I shrugged.
“Why? What happened? What are you guys fighting about?”
I thought carefully before answering. Aria would know if I was lying, so I just went with, “Just a misunderstanding.”
Aria put her hand on her belly and rubbed her hand over her stomach before placing it on her back and stretching. Her purple B.U.M. Equipment sweatshirt moved upward just enough to show her toned stomach underneath. She didn’t look pregnant at all, so the movements she made seemed inappropriate somehow. Eyeing me as she stretched, I knew she wanted more and I just couldn’t give it to her. It’s not my place, is it? Nate’s the one who took advantage of the situation and we ended up sleeping together. I can’t possibly tell her that. The whole thing is awful no matter how you spin it.
Aria was about to press further when Nate came over with their food. He was angry. His eyes flashed to me as if to ask what I’d told her, and when I shook my head he nodded once and pulled her away. Aria must have seen something because she looked back at me and then him as the two walked off. The look she had on her face told me she’d be trying to pry it out of him for sure.
As the day wore on I began to feel sick, and when I got home that night I just sat on the couch staring at the empty screen on the television, not wanting to do anything. Nate and Aria crossed my mind and I wondered if she had fully interrogated Nate by now and what he’d said. That reminded me that I needed to talk to Jensen and I reluctantly got off the couch and dialed his number. The phone just rang and rang. It was a Friday night, after all, and he and Erik were probably at a party. I bit my lip. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jensen had started that habit again after all that has transpired the past few weeks. I put the phone back in its cradle and decided I’d relax in a bath after having a quick lasagna dinner. When the bath didn’t work, I took some Benadryl and crawled into bed, willing sleep to hurry up and take me.
The next morning, I woke up groggy from what I assumed was the Benadryl, but at least I had gotten the sleep that eluded me most of the week. The clock showed that it was ten-thirty. Throwing off the blankets that covered me, I got up and put on a pair of black stretch pants and a purple long sleeve waffle weave Henley reserved for cold days. Slipping on a pair of thick purple socks, I made it out to the kitchen where I made myself a bowl of cinnamon oatmeal. Sitting down at the bar with the tasty, but unappetizing-looking breakfast, I took the first bite and the phone rang. On the third loud shrill, I answered. It was Jensen.
“Hey,” he said with a soft voice.
“Hey, yourself.” It was good to hear from him, but I could tell something was wrong.
“How’s senior year treating you?”
Small talk. Do we really need to do this? “Oh, you know. Not really that different from junior year. Anything new about Savannah and the … ummm … situation?” It was awkward referring to Jensen’s kid as ‘the situation,’ but I didn’t know what else to say.
“Yeah, I, ah, called her and we talked about everything. I took a DNA test last Wednesday and will know for sure in a couple of weeks. I already know what it’s going to say though. I’m going to have to tell my parents so we can talk to our lawyer about child support and drawing up some kind of agreement about visitations and stuff like that. Savannah says she doesn’t feel it would be fair to make me pay for anything retroactive since she made the decision not to tell me.”
“Do her parents know?”
“She’s going to tell them after we get the DNA results back, but I’m sure they’ve had an idea I’m the kid’s father all along. I think I’ll fly up and tell my parents at that same time, too. This isn’t the kind of news you tell over the phone.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, biting my lip. I could tell there was something else on his mind.
“Mia,” Jensen deeply sighed, “I need to tell you something. You know, I’d prefer telling you this in person, but this is eating me up inside and I need you to know before another day passes.”
Oh, shit. My stomach clenched.
“When I came back to school early, I was in a bad spot and smoked some of Erik’s