Andivius Hedulio: Adventures of a Roman Nobleman in the Days of the Empire. Edward Lucas White
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From amid his bevy of sycophants and toadies, over the heads of his fashionably garbed guests, he towered, his face red as a beacon, his big bullet head wagging, his great mouth open.
He roared at me:
"What brings you here, with your hands red with the blood of three of my henchmen? No Greek can outdo you in effrontery, Andivius. You are the shame of our nobility. To force your way into my morning reception after having killed three of my men in an unprovoked assault on them on the open road on my own land!"
I kept my temper and somehow kept my head clear, though it buzzed, and I kept my feet though I seemed to myself to reel. I spoke up for myself boldly and, I thought, expounded the circumstances and my version of the brawls even better than I had to Vedius.
To my amazement Satronius, in more brutal language, all but duplicated what Vedius had said to me, only reversing the clan names. He was convinced that I had assaulted his men by prearrangement with the Vedians, after a mock fight with them at Vediamnum.
I saw I was accomplishing nothing and endeavored to escape after a formal farewell.
Satronius roared after me:
"You left three corpses on the roadway below my villa. I'll not forget them nor will any man of my name. If you have sense you'll keep away from Sabinum, you'll get out of Rome, you'll hide yourself far away. My men have long memories and keen eyes. There'll be another corpse found somewhere by and by and the score paid off."
I laughed mirthlessly to myself as I climbed into my litter. I had, in fact, embroiled myself hopelessly with both sides of the feud.
Then my men carried me to the Palace.
The enormousness and magnificence of the great public throne-room had always overwhelmed me with a sense of my own insignificance. On that morning, chagrined at my reception by Vedius and Satronius, weak, ill and tottering on my feet, needing all my will power to stand steadily and not reel, with my head buzzing and my ears humming, feeling large and light and queer, I was abased and crushed by the vastness and hugeness of the room and by the uncountable crowd which thronged it.
Necessarily I was kept standing a long time in the press, and, in my weakened condition, I found my toga more than usually a burden, which is saying a great deal.
I suppose the toga was a natural enough garment for our ancestors, who practically wore nothing else, as their tunics were short and light. But since we have adopted and even developed foreign fashions in attire, we are sufficiently clad without any toga at all. To have to conceal one's becoming clothes under a toga, on all state and official occasions, is irritating to any well-dressed man even in the coldest weather, when the weight of the toga is unnoticed, since its warmth is grateful.
But to have to stew in a toga in July, when the lightest clothing is none too light, is a positive affliction, even out of doors on a breezy day. Indoors, in still and muggy weather, when one is jammed in a throng for an hour or two, a toga becomes an instrument of torture. Yet togas we must wear at all public functions, and though we rage at the infliction and wonder at the queerness of the fate which has, by mere force of traditional fashion, condemned us to such unconscionable sufferings, yet no one can devise any means of breaking with our hereditary social conventions in attire. Therefore we continue to suffer though we rail.
If a toga is a misery to a strong, well man, conceive of the agonies I suffered in my weakened state, when I needed rest and fresh air, and had to stand, supporting that load of garments, the sweat soaking my inner tunic, fainting from exhaustion and heat.
I somewhat revived when Tanno edged his way through the crowd and stood by me. We talked of my health, he rebuking me for my rashness in coming out so soon, I protesting that I was plenty well enough and feeling better for my outing.
There we stood an hour or more, very uncomfortable, Tanno making conversation to keep me cheerful.
I needed his companionship and the atmosphere he diffused. For in addition to my illness and the circumstances I have described, I suffered from the proximity of Talponius Pulto, my only enemy among my acquaintances in the City. I had seen him once already that morning, in the Vedian atrium, where he had stood beside Vedius Vedianus, towering over his diminutive host, for he was a very tall man. Now, in the Imperial Audience Hall, he was almost a full head taller than any man in the press about him, so that I could not but be aware of his satirical gaze.
He was a singularly handsome man, surpassed by few among our nobility, and I had remarked how he dwarfed Vedius, how he made him appear stunted and contemptible. He had a head well shaped and well set, curly brown hair, fine and abundant, a high forehead, wide-set dark blue eyes, a chiseled nose, a perfect mouth and a fine, rounded chin. His neck was the envy of half our most beautiful women. His carriage was noble and he always looked a very distinguished man.
I could never divine why he hated me, but hate me he had from our earliest encounters. He derided me, maligned me and had often thwarted me from, apparently, mere spitefulness.
As I knew his evil gaze on me I now, in my weakened condition, somehow felt unable to bear it.
Yet I was somewhat buoyed up, as I stood there, by a recurrence of thoughts which I had often had before under similar circumstances. Most men of my rank seemed to take their wealth and position as matters of course. I never could. I have, all my life, at times meditated on my good fortune in being a Roman and a Roman of equestrian rank. While waiting in the great Audience Hall of the Palace, especially, the emotions aroused by these meditations often became so poignant as almost to overcome me, on this day in particular. As I viewed the splendor of the Hall and the gorgeousness of the crowd that thronged it, my heart swelled at the thought of being part of all that magnificence. It thrilled me to feel that I had a share and had a right to a share in Rome's glory.
The Emperor was busy with a succession of embassies, delegations and so on, and, as far as I could see, was in a good humor and trying to appear affable and not to seem bored.
After the deputations were disposed of the senators passed before the throne and saluted the Prince. Commodus barely spoke to most of them; it seemed to me, indeed, that he said more to Vedius and Satronius than to any other senators.
Then came the turn of us knights, far more numerous than the senators. The ushers positively hurried us along.
To me, to my amazement, the Emperor spoke very kindly.
"I am delighted to see you here today, Hedulio." he said.
"And I am sorry that I have no time for what I want to ask you and say to you.
"I have heard of your illness and I know how it originated. Galen told me you ought to keep your bed for days yet. Are you sure you are well enough to be out?"
"I think it is doing me good, your Majesty," I replied. "Your words are, I know."
"If you feel too ill to come here tomorrow," he said, "I'll hold you excused, but in that case send a message early. I want you here tomorrow, specially, come if you can.
"Meanwhile, tell me, has coming here to-day tired you? Can you stay longer?"
"I certainly can," I replied, elated at his notice.
"Then stay here till this tiresome ceremonial is over," he said, "and accompany me to the Palace Stadium. I have some yokes of chariot horses to look over and try out, and some new chariots to try. I want you there. I may need your advice."
Flattered, I felt strength course through my veins and fatigue vanish. I passed completely round the lower part of the room and, with Tanno, took my stand near the southeastern door, by which he would pass out if on his way to the Stadium.
Few senators passed through that door with the party of which I was one, the invitations being based on horsemanship and good fellowship, not on wealth, social prominence or political importance.
In the Stadium, of course, it was not only possible but natural to sit down and Tanno and I took our seats in the shade and as far back as our rank permitted.