Bana Fine Irish Pizza. T. STRAHS
the convent. The other nuns were curious, but they were quickly put down by the mother who said she found the devil’s work versus God’s work, and they should forget she was ever there.
The Mother Superior did have a little smile whenever Jigalonio walked past her.
Chapter 9
The addition of Tterrassa Banafasi to Emilia’s and Mary’s family (two and a half years after Luigi and Guido)
Stella, an aging local spinster, was on her way to the weekly Porking Bee when she was passing by the now empty Mormon mini-temple—the same one where Guido and Luigi were found—when she saw a woman, all in black, walking quickly away, with her hands holding her stomach.
She heard a strange wailing sound coming from the area where the altar used to be. In she went. On the floor wrapped in a white shroud was a little baby. She did not know exactly what to do, except that she couldn’t leave her there.
She brought the baby to the Porking Bee Hall where she and the local women got together to knit pork-skin quilts to be sold at the Pork Belly Festival. Mary happened to be there on this day. The women, except for Mary, were beyond their child-raising years and brainstormed ways to raise money for supplies using the baby. They all agreed that the best thing to do is maybe raffle her off at after the local monthly bingo tournament.
Tterrassa was about one month old when Emilio and Mary won the bidding by only two Lira. Since the twins were only three-ish, they felt it would be a nice addition. It certainly solved their “who’s at fault” issue.
They named her Teresa, only to find out later that she had a horrible stutter. They discovered when she tried to say “Mmmaaaama,” “Pppaappa,” “Guueeddo,” “Llllleeegee.” She pronounced her name Tterrassa due to the stutter.
As the final paperwork was still being processed by Giacomo and the mayor, they changed it to Tterrassa so that when she said her name, it wouldn’t sound like she was stuttering.
Tterrassa was a shy, quiet member of the family, not that she could get a word in with Emilio and Mary talking all the time. She did sit quietly, learning the songs from listening near the church and the Ima Jally Aler.
She was also picked on by the locals due to her stuttering. Combined with the wobbling of Luigi and Guido, the three of them walking around town and Tterrassa humming was a major local attraction.
Since she was somewhat of a loner, she found that she had a knack for seeing unusual insects, birds, and reptiles. With this skill, Tterrassa did grow up to become a world leader in conjoined “things.”
When she finished her mandatory six years of school and many years of hunting and collecting unusual items, she opened a small museum and gift shop in an old abandoned slaughterhouse located near a local Pissaccotta intersection where two streams joined to make a swirling river.
The museum, appropriately called Alla Things Together, included snakes (at the tail and heads), burros (at their asses), bees (two stingers), muskrats (at their paws), kangaroos (two pouches), opossums (heads with three eyes), earthworms (four in their midsection—alive and all with opinions on which way to travel), and twenty more unique “things.”
Chapter 10
Back to Luigi’s, Guido’s, and Tterrassa’s adoptive parents, Emilio and Mary
In Pissaccotta, Emilio’s swine rubbing business was soon downsized as the farmers were all sold an inexpensive machine from the We Rubba Your Pork for You company that was powered by the pig being rubbed walking on a treadmill. They offered reasonable terms, payable when the pigs were slaughtered.
Emilio, seeing no future, as the era of mechanization was here and he couldn’t compete with their prices or volume, decided to open a small pizza café that served the neighborhood.
Mary was still a semitalented Irish dancer who had yet to be booked for any event even after she closed her music-and-dance studio to take care of the kids, although their marriage was interesting, especially their arguments, as both spoke with “outside” voices, mostly around celebrating St. Patrick’s Day in Pissaccotta. Mary, of course, wanted a traditional Irish meal. Emilio wanted to keep making his three pizzas per day for his loyal locals.
His business was growing as word got out about the “listing twins” and how they waited on tables. The boys loved to walk out of their parent’s pizza kitchen by wobbling in single file with orders and to dance for the tourists and locals.
Tterrassa would walk in front of them, yelling out the order number, “Ooorrrddeeerr foor nuuumbberr threeee.”
The diners loved it. They were young and enjoyed the recognition. Some days they would collect up to one hundred lira thrown at them. They thought that the people were impressed with the quality of the food and great service!
St. Patrick’s Day was almost here, and Mary and Emilio agreed, finally, to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day by offering green dough and Irish beer—a minor success as only two people in Pissaccotta would openly claim that they had even a small amount of Irish blood. Others came by to see what green pizza dough looked like and to see the “listing twins” and humming “stuuutterrerr.”
Chapter 11
Speaking of the twins, Luigi and Guido were growing up fast and soon grasped that the locals exploited them. This was realized soon after the mayor of Pissaccotta, Giuseppe Antonio Osvalido Jr., posted a picture of them dancing in the “Why visit the small towns in Italy” brochure.
The mayor, according to his few enemies, looked like a tomato—very plump and his skin looked ripe. His main interest in being mayor of Pissaccotta is to make sure that all the businesses have taken loans from his bank, insured with his wife’s insurance agency, and purchased their clothing and food from his son’s store, Pissa Good Food and Toppings, his crafty name for all clothing!
So, Luigi and Guido, after finishing their fifth year in high school, decided to leave their small town and travel to America and make a name for themselves. They had had enough of the laughter for little money. They had learned about America from their shared schoolbooks that were written after the war by US military public relations occupation troops.
Luigi and Guido, not knowing all of this, read slowly about the great America; and there was no crime, cheap housing, great food (except for Italian, Japanese, and German). They learned that once you were in America, everything was almost free. With all this twirling around in their minds, there was no doubt that this was where they were going.
First they had to learn English. They planned their trip in three months and went about learning English from their mother, who up to this time was only allowed to speak Italian at home by their father, Emilio. They also spent time with a small group of students from BUNY (Black University of New York), who were there studying the swine trade. Their English lessons were filled with Irish and black slang sayings. Of course, they felt that this was more than they needed to travel to the US. They were comfortable with English basics and ready to travel.
Mary and Emilio were pleased their boys were on a great adventure and, hopefully, would be successful and then send them money. Tterrassa was still living with them and helping in the kitchen. Although she was well aware of the locals’ ridicule, she was not asked to go with them and felt comfortable as long she kept silent.
Luigi and Guido worked extra hours to get enough money for their journey; they even danced in the street for the weekly minibus load of five tourists who paid a lot to see the authentic rural Italy. The tourists loved the dancing and usually tipped well.
They were told by the BUNY bros that they should have an enough to get to America. Asking the bros from BUNY where to go, they were told they would fit right into one of the great neighborhoods in Newark, New Jersey, a suburb of New York.
Luigi and Guido, not understanding this, looked at a World War Two water-stained map and found Newark, and it was indeed a suburb of New York City. They also