Bana Fine Irish Pizza. T. STRAHS
asked what was going on. The boys recognized him as the well-known pig massager they saw as they peddled around town.
Gilly and Rupert, in rapid storytelling, said, “We were in town preaching and looking for lost souls in need of converting and contributing to our mission. When we were done, we rode back here to conclude our afternoon prayers since we are devout Mormons, and we saw this lady hurrying away. We went to chase her on our bikes since we thought she was looking for us to convert her when we heard the babies crying, and we didn’t know what to do and we thought that they were hurt, so we went into our mini-temple and saw them lying in our tent, so we went over and tried to pick them up and found that their toes were stuck together, and we didn’t know what to do, so we were discussing what to do when you walked up.”
Emilio saw this to be an easy decision. He said [in English], “Tell you whata I ama gonna do. We are gonna take thesa babies from youa so thata you can continua your selling youra Bibles and religion.”
Mary continued Emilio’s start, “You lads don’t tell nobody about this as it surely would not speak well of your mission here.”
“We will bring them to our small home and tell everyone that they are my sisters from the old country, who recently died at the hands of Irish hooligans and that we are taking a lifelong look-after as my sister would come to expect.”
The Mormon boys were now smiling at their good fortune.
Being well-schooled Mormons and realizing that life brought many opportunities, Gilly asked them for a donation to maintain their mini-temple.
Emilio, looking confused as he felt that they should be paying him to take the babies from them, said, “Ima gonna tella you this: we no gotta no money and ifa we did, it no go to you. Ima goina no mention this to nobody that you boysa trying to take advantage of usa poor locals.” He continued, “I will tella you this, when youa gotta farm getting animals, I coma and rubba your pork for youa at a reduced price.”
The boys put their heads together and thought about praying over their decision yet were afraid this couple would leave. Gilly looked at them. “Tell you what, we have received our sign from Joseph Smith and his council. We will let you take the two babies, and we will deny that they were every here. Deal?”
Mary, filled with excitement, said, “Yes, indeed, deal!”
“Here is the note that the woman left us to give them these nice Italian names.”
Once Mary and Emilio had possession of the twins, they knew that they had to find a way to separate them, discreetly as Pissaccotta is a small village. The only medical care they had without driving two hours and filling out many forms was the former army medic Giacomo.
Giacomo was a highly undecorated former army dental medic from Eastern Italy. He was blind in one eye and was missing a finger on each hand from misuse of his first aid instruments.
When Mary and Emilio brought the twins to Giacomo, he said, “Noa problemla, I can do without youa driving to the big city.”
“Let’s savea money and time.”
“I willa doa for 250 lira.”
It was okay with Mary and Emilio. They saw this as cheaper than nine months of pregnancy and cost of birthing. To “unconjoin” the twins, he simply took a scissor (a little hard to do with missing fingers and only one eye), snipped, and they were two separated twins!
Now all they had to do was convince their parents of the sister story, based on parents. Of course, it wasn’t the best way to do it. They did worry about foul ups in the future, but the parents never talked to each other and the chance of them ever getting together was remote, very remote.
When they were unconjoined, it did leave Luigi limping to the left and Guido limping to the right, making people laugh at them as they crawled, then walked down the street. Wobbling soon became the most often mimicked walk in the area but only behind their backs.
From the start of their family lives, Guido and Luigi were told that they were a gift from God, and Mary and Emilio were their heaven-sent parents.
This avoided any questions from them. The locals all believed the sister’s children story since there was no way to keep the twins isolated for already a few months.
Their parents also believed the story that it was the other parents daughter—they never interacted with each other, so chances of figuring it out were minimal.
Chapter 6
Luigi’s, Guido’s, and Tterrassa’s biological mother
Little is known about Chiaria. What could be found out is from her brief diary she kept during her last days in the convent and the first years in the “free world.”
As it was written in her diary, it all started when she was brought in to the Our Lady of Knock convent. The convent was built in the late 1200s by an order of monks who wanted to help out in return for food, laundry (once a month), and comfort.
The foundation and walls were from a local quarry that the monks promised eternal salvation for those who worked in the evening and weekends—after church and tithing—to supply them with the stone.
The convent had three-foot-wide walls that were twelve feet high. This, according the nun’s architect, was to keep unwanted men from getting in to defile the nuns.
Two gates, one for those who came to worship with only (so they thought) access to the chapel and garden. This door was usually kept unlocked and attended by a novitiate who took in donations, mainly money that went directly to the Mother Superior.
The public chapel did have a small thick door for the nuns to enter, hidden behind the altar, making sure that they bowed down when they entered. The door was solid enough to prevent anyone from opening from the outside.
The back door of the convent led into the pantry. It was two doors, and one had to be closed for the other to be opened. The top floor had a very small chapel for the nuns only, lit by a skylight so God could see them praying.
There were twenty-three cells (rooms) for the nuns, based on their ranking in the order. The senior nuns had a toilet, sink, small mirror, and a six-inch-wide window. The lowest had nothing but a small light bulb.
“Offer it up and wait your turn,” was the normal response from the privileged nuns.
Over the years, the vocations were slowing down, so the Mother Superior was doing anything to enlist new young girls. The church’s plan was simple: get them early and make sure that the only thing they really know is the church and make sure that they are totally dependent on it for all their needs.
Chiaria was the only child of two cousins who discovered intimacy while living next to each other in town. This happened quite often as their parents partied hard and late at the Ima Jalla Aller. The cousins were kicked out of the small village due to the locals convinced they were living in sin. (Indeed, they were!)
Their parents saw this as a stroke of luck as they could then spend more time at the Ima Jalla Aller. Chiaria’s parents were unsure what to do until a priest and an altar boy were on their way to the Our Lady of Knock convent to make their monthly purchase of wine—some for the church—and spend the night.
They made a left two miles back. When their Asses tried to go right, they soon found out that they were hopelessly lost. They were found by the cousins who were searching for lost sheep. They invited the padre and the young altar boy to spend the night with them, letting them know that they only had one extra room, actually their daughter’s, who was told to sleep on the floor.
They met the five-year-old Chiaria as she just came back from milking the cow. The cousins were vocal about their hardships of keeping their farm going and trying to raise a “smarter than them” daughter.
The padre saw an opportunity to repay a debt to the Mother Superior at Our Lady of Knock convent. He realized that he would get at least two months of wine and room for bringing in a quiet, cute, and impressionable