Bana Fine Irish Pizza. T. STRAHS
cousins jumped at the opportunity to maybe make it right with the villagers; they would see the cousins were indeed spiritual that they gave the young girl to the church.
The only other offer for Chiaria was from a traveling Bible salesman who knew a guy in Rome who specialized in working with aspiring young women at his health studio.
Chiaria was cute and vocal enough that he saw her potential for a good price since the buyers wanted girls who could easily, on cue, voice their pleasures with the buyers. The cousins turned him down as Chiaria ran from him, and the offer was not much—a yearly commission paid to the cousins when he came through again, minus costs and travel time.
They were seriously thinking about it, then the padre and the altar boy showed up.
Chiaria entered the convent by the back door with the padre and the altar boy.
No last name was ever recorded, and there wasn’t any paperwork that the Mother Superior would offer. The Mother Superior immediately took her in and told her that as the Mother Superior of the convent, that she will consider her to be Chiaria’s mother, and she would be honored to let Chiaria clean the convent, do the dishes, and do the weekly laundry. She would be rewarded in heaven for her work.
She grew to become a tall woman. Her equals in the convent didn’t appreciate her looks. Most of them joined because they were not marketable in the husband or health market and needed to feel wanted.
One warm day, Chiaria was praying, watching Dr. Philo (the Italian version of a talk show), and looking out the window from the small room on the third floor next to the chapel. This room was considered the TV room for the convent. It was on the third floor with no heat and no air movement in the Summer. The Mother Superior chose it as it would only seat two, making sure that their spare time was spent praying or more importantly, making income producing items.
The TV was given to the order by the bishop who was concerned about the cloistered nuns not be able to see the evils of the world. The bishop, by mistake, forgot to put a censor on the channels. They could watch Maury, Catholic Station, Evil Brides, Jerry Springer, Say Yes to the Speedo, and the Road Runner cartoons.
The younger soon-to-be nuns kept the extra stations from the Mother Superior, who actually knew about them and watched them after her novitiates were told to go to their rooms and pray for one hour and then go to bed.
The convent was located twenty kilometers from Pissaccotta.
Vocations had been in a serious decline before and more so after Vatican 2. The ninety-year-old Mother Superior became less stringent as fewer entered this in order to keep the women progressing through the vows: no more kneeling on broom handles, walking on their hands and knees to repent for any minor infraction, bread and water for Lent and to make sure her income stream from their winery, bakery, and scarf business wasn’t interrupted.
The young girls only knew the convent’s way of life and thought it would certainly help them stay in good graces for a higher place in heaven. The Mother Superior, taking all the profit, was slowly putting money in her private bank account in Switzerland so if she left the convent, there would be a nice flow of money to allow her to buy a beach-front property on the Baltic. She had never been to the Baltic, just liked the masculine sound of the name.
Chiaria was two years away for her final vows, since she was there since she was five years old. At seventeen, she was questioning the future of her life and the churches and the Reverend Mother who demanded a lot from her.
She did appreciate the Mother relaxing the rules of not being watched all the time and yet, making sure that she was in visible range from the fully vowed sisters (all four of them).
It began simple enough, as Jigalonio, the gardener, was working hard in the garden, thrusting his hoe deep into the ground and grinding it around to make the hole bigger for planting the nut tree. Novice Chiaria noticed him as beads of sweat were glistening on his shirtless body.
She was intrigued, as she saw very few men outside, either on TV or when the 300-pound food-service man brought supplies in weekly. Chiaria changed into her daily work habit and went outside to walk around the garden to get a better look. She knew that she would be cloistered in her room for a minimum of a month if Mother Superior found her outside and unescorted.
Maybe it was a simple case of being outside, walking around, unescorted, for the first time that was invigorating, or was it Jigalonio!
For the first time since entering the convent, she was feeling certain things that the Reverend Mother warned her about. She was warned that she would spend eternity in damnation if she didn’t immediately crawl back to the chapel and pray for six hours when these “feelings” were upon her, truly the devil’s doing.
Chiaria kept her head down just enough that she could still watch Jigalonio thrust his hoe. Jigalonio, being a practiced hoer, didn’t need to focus on the digging; he watched Chiaria slowly move around the garden, glancing at him. He also felt something moving, and it wasn’t the leaves on the tree.
He felt he had to say something to have her look up at him; he didn’t often see the sisters outside walking around, especially in the heat of July.
“Pardon me, Sister, is it possible for me to have a glass of water?” asked Jigalonio.
Breaking her code of silence for the sake of a “medical situation” (fear of him being dehydrated), she answered, “Of course, sir, please wait over at the table in the shade and I shall fetch you a glass.”
Jigalonio stretched out on the picnic table in the shade behind the windowless side of the convent, near the empty caretaker’s cabin, waiting for the good sister to come back.
“My back is terribly sore from all this dirt lifting. Could you take a few minutes and try to rub the sore areas?”
Chiaria, still accepting that she could speak due to a medical situation, said, “I am sorry, sir, but I have never touched a man before and will do it only since it is clearly a medical emergency.”
Jigalonio, seeing an opportunity to expand his conquest list, said, “You are so kind, Sister. The area that you are rubbing now is working well. I do have other areas in need of a kindly massage.”
Chapter 7
Chiaria’s surprise!
Chiaria held her pregnancy well, only confiding in the confessional to the padre who visited every other month, mostly because the nuns prayed every day and just didn’t have that much to confess, until Chiaria.
Padre Phillipa told her to fake illness with a contagious tumor in her stomach and he would have a midwife in the next town over to deliver the baby.
The Mother Superior and other residents of the convent believed her and were told not to visit. They prayed and prayed that the tumor would leave her body and not be contagious. The midwife was the same one who delivered Emilio. She was now in her nineties and very arthritic.
She couldn’t pass up the chance to again deliver a human. She was pleased that she was chosen by the padre and had a few drinks and then celebrated with him. Chiaria, with little pain and screaming, delivered two dark-haired babies. The midwife tried to deliver in her normal way of reaching in and grabbing the baby and help it out, but delivering twins was new to her!
When she grabbed the first head and gently pulled, it was a long process as she realized that something else was attached. She cried out to the padre that the devil was at work and the baby had two heads and four legs, a sure sign that the nun was being punished by God for her “indiscretion.” She also yelled to the padre that the devil was being delivered to kill all associated with this unnatural event.
When the padre prayed over the baby, they both saw that they were twins and attached at the big toes. Praise the Lord! The good Lord is challenging us to test our faith.
Chiaria was recovering nicely, holding the two babies and trying to figure out the best way to nurse them with their feet stuck together. The padre was in a dilemma; he had to protect Chiaria and still tell the convent