Marion Harland's Complete Etiquette. Marion Harland
plaît—Answer if you please) no acceptance is required. If one can not attend the function, one should send one’s card so that one’s friend will receive it on the day of her affair.
CARDS FOR AN AT HOME
The cards for an “At Home” are issued about ten days before the function. They bear the hostess’ name alone, unless her husband is to receive with her, in which case the card may bear the two names, as “Mr. and Mrs. James Smith.” The average American man does not, however, figure at his wife’s “At Homes” when these are held in the afternoon. The exigencies of counting-room and office hold him in thrall too often for him to be depended on for such an occasion.
A plain, heavy cream card, simply engraved, is now used for most formal invitations in preference to the engraved notes that were the rule ten years ago.
The card bears in the lower right-hand corner the address of the entertainer; in the lower left-hand corner the date and the hours of the affair,—as “Wednesday, October the nineteenth,” and under this “From four until seven o’clock.”
If the tea be given in honor of a friend, or to introduce a stranger, the card of this person is enclosed with that of the hostess, if the affair be rather informal. If, however, it be a formal reception it is well to have engraved upon the card of the hostess, directly under her own name, “To meet Miss Smith.”
If a woman wishes to be at home for a guest unexpectedly arrived, and there is not time for the engraving of cards, or if she prefers to be informal, she may simply use her visiting-card, writing the name of her guest beneath her own, and adding the date on which she will receive, and the hours, in the lower left-hand corner. It is understood, of course, that abbreviations—with the exception of “P. p. c.” and “R. s. v. p.”—are never to be used on invitations and social notes.
The recipient, if sending cards instead of attending, encloses a card for the guest or friend whom she has been invited to meet.
THE EVENING RECEPTION
The cards for an evening reception may be issued in the same style. If not, they are in the form of a regular invitation, and in the third person, as:
“Mr. and Mrs. James Smith
Request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs.
Brown’s company
On Wednesday evening, October the nineteenth,
From eight to eleven o’clock.
2 West Clark Street.”
If this formal invitation bears “R. s. v. p.” in one corner, it should be accepted in the same person in which it is written, thus:
“Mr. and Mrs. John Brown accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s invitation for Wednesday evening, October the nineteenth.”
The reply to an invitation, whether formal or informal, should, to guard against misunderstanding, always explicitly repeat the date and the hour.
It is hardly to be supposed that any person who reads this book will be guilty of the outrageous solecism of signing his or her name to an invitation written in the third person. But such things have been done!
ABBREVIATIONS AND FIGURES
The letters “R. s. v. p.” are often written or engraved entirely in capitals. This is incorrect. Some people prefer to dispense with them altogether and to express themselves in the simpler fashion, “The favor of an answer is requested.” It will be noticed that figures are avoided. The day of the week, and such words as “street” and “avenue” must appear in full. Some people even write out the year in words, but this looks heavy. Never use “City” or “Town” on an envelope in place of the name of the city.
To announce an “At Home” through the newspapers is to be avoided. In case of the sudden descent of a friend who will remain for two or three days only it may be done. In that case one must add that there are no invitations, otherwise one’s friends may not understand.
DANCES AND TEAS
Invitations to dances are often issued in the same form as those to teas, with “Dancing” written or engraved in the corner of the card. As with teas, so with evening receptions, a declinature must be sent in the shape of a card delivered on the day of the function. The custom that some persons follow of writing “Regrets” on such a card is not good form.
An invitation to a card-party, no matter how informal, always demands an answer, as the entertainer wishes to know how many tables to provide, and the number of players she can count on.
Cards to church weddings demand no answer unless the wedding be a small one and the invitations are written by the bride or one of the relatives, in which case the acceptance or regret must be written at once, and thanks expressed for the honor. A “crush” church wedding is the one function that demands no reply of any kind. If one can go, well and good. If one does not go one will not be missed from the crowd that will throng the edifice. An invitation to a home wedding or a breakfast demands an answer and thanks for the honor.
ADDRESSING THE ENVELOPES
While on the subject of invitations to large or formal affairs, it may be well to touch on a point concerning which many correspondents write letters of agonized inquiry,—the addressing of envelopes to the different members of a family. The question, “May one invitation be sent to an entire family, consisting of parents, sons and daughters?” is asked again and again. To each of these an emphatic “No!” is the answer. If any person is to be honored by an invitation to a function, he should be honored by an invitation sent in the proper way. One card should be sent to “Mr. and Mrs. Blank”; another to the “Misses Blank,” still another to each son of the family. One can foresee the day when each unmarried daughter will expect her own card, so rapidly is feminine individuality developing. Each invitation is enclosed in a separate envelope, but, if desired, all these envelopes may be enclosed in a larger outer one addressed to the head of the house.
The most important invitation,—one demanding an immediate answer,—is that to a dinner or luncheon, be this formal or informal. For stately formal dinners, engraved invitations in the third person are sent. But it is quite as good form, and in appearance much more hospitable and complimentary, for the hostess herself to write personal notes of invitation to each guest. These may be in the simplest language, as:
“My dear Miss Dorr:
“Will you give Mr. Brown and myself the pleasure of having you at dinner with us on Thursday evening, December the sixth? We sincerely hope that you will be among those whom we see at our table that night. Dinner will be served at seven o’clock.
“Cordially yours,
“Louise Brown.”
An invitation to a married woman should always include herself and her husband, but it is addressed to her because it is the woman who is supposed to have charge of the social calendar of the family. This note may read:
“My dear Mrs. Aikman:
“Will you and Mr. Aikman honor us by being our guests at dinner on Thursday evening, December the sixth, at seven o’clock? Sincerely hoping to see you at that time, I remain,
“Cordially yours,
“Louise Brown.”
THE SINGLE MAN
A note of invitation to a single man is written in the same way. If the dinner be given to any particular guest or guests, this fact should be mentioned in the invitation. As, for instance, “Will you dine with us to meet Mr. and Mrs. Barrows,” and so forth.
Single men who are warmly appreciative of dinner invitations and who foresee no opportunity in the near future to return the hospitality offered to them, frequently send a box of flowers to their hostess on the day of her entertainment.
THE INVITATION TO DINNER
As soon as practicable after the receipt of a dinner invitation, the recipient should write a cordial note. If accepting