Marion Harland's Complete Etiquette. Marion Harland
George Williams Brown.” Even widows retain this style of address. In the lower right-hand corner is the address, and in the lower left-hand corner one’s “at home” days are named, as “Tuesdays until Lent,” or “Wednesdays in February and March,” or “Thursdays until May.”
Nicknames and abbreviations are for intimate use only and should never appear on cards or invitations. A girl should distinguish between “Kitty” and “Katharine,” “Sarah” and “Sallie.” However, in the south many girls are christened “Sallie,” and this is accepted as her full and proper name accordingly.
A young woman’s cards bear her name, “Miss Blank,” if she be the oldest or only daughter in the family. The address on her cards is in the lower left-hand corner. If she has an older sister the card reads “Miss Mary Hilton Blank.”
A man’s card is much smaller than that of a woman and often has no address on it, unless it be a business-card, which must never be used for social purposes. The “Mr.” is put before the signature as, “Mr. James John Smith.” By the time a boy is eighteen he is considered old enough to have his cards marked with the prefix “Mr.” Until that time, he is, on the rare occasions when he is formally addressed, “Master.”
THE USE OF TITLES
A clergyman’s card is correctly engraved thus: “The Reverend James Vernon Smith.” A bishop is entitled to the greater distinction, “The Right Reverend.” A physician or a judge may use his title or not as he prefers. Army and navy officers invariably employ theirs except when the rank is as low as that of a lieutenant, when the full name, prefixed by “Mr.” is used, and below it, “Lieutenant of Third Cavalry, United States Army.”
A woman with a daughter-in-law moving in society in the same city as herself may with propriety have her card engraved simply “Mrs. Brown.” Or she may follow the graceful foreign custom and be known as “Madame Brown,” which gives a pretty touch of dignity and makes it easy for callers to designate which of the two ladies they wish to see if both are living in the same house.
A married woman never takes her husband’s title, no matter what that may be. She is never “Mrs. Judge ——” or “Mrs. Colonel ——.” Even the president’s wife is simply “Mrs. Cleveland” or “Mrs. Harrison.”
ADDRESSING THE PRESIDENT
In direct address, the president of the United States is “Mr. President.” The vice-president is “Mr. ——.” Members of the cabinet are “Secretary A.” or “Secretary B.,” when introduced, and are addressed as “Mr. Secretary.” Senators are always addressed by their titles, but representatives are “Mr.” Except in naval and military circles titles expire with office. The man who was governor or mayor last year should not be introduced as “Ex-governor ——,” “Ex-mayor ——.”
Perhaps there is no social obligation that is more neglected and ignored than that of calling at proper times and regular intervals. In the rush and hurry of American life, it is well-nigh impossible for the busy woman to perform her duty in this line unless she have a certain degree of system about it. To this end she should keep a regular calling-list or book, and pay strict heed to the debit and credit columns. It will require much management and thought to arrange her visits so that they will always fall on the “At Home” days of her acquaintances. When a woman has an “At Home” day it is an unwarrantable liberty for any one to call at any other time unless it be on business, or by special invitation, or permission. As many women have the same day at home one must limit the length of a call to fifteen or twenty minutes upon a casual acquaintance, never making it longer than half an hour even at the house of a friend.
HOW TO SAY GOOD-BY
One should learn to take one’s departure on a remark of one’s own, not hurrying away the moment one’s friend ceases to talk. On the other hand lingering good-bys in ordinary intercourse are a mistake and suggest that one lacks the finesse necessary to manage a polite withdrawal. An amusing story was told in a recent magazine—and vouched for as true—in which two young southern lads making their first formal call, were driven to stay all night because they could not get away—they were so timid.
Some persons seem to feel that there is a certain amount of pomp and circumstance about calling on an “At Home” day, and the novice in society asks timidly what she is to do at such a time. She is to do simply what she would do on any other day when she is sure of finding her hostess in and disengaged. The caller hands her card to the servant opening the door; then enters the parlor, greets her hostess, who will probably introduce her to any other guests who happen to be present, unless there be a large number of these, in which case she will probably be introduced to a few in her immediate vicinity. The caller will chat for a few minutes, take a cup of tea, coffee or chocolate offered her, with a biscuit, sandwich or piece of cake, or decline all refreshment if she prefers. At the end of fifteen or twenty minutes, she will rise, say “Good afternoon” to her hostess, murmur a “Good afternoon” to the company in general and take her departure. If her card has not been taken by the servant who opened the door for her, the caller may lay it on the hall table as she goes out.
REFRESHMENTS FOR CALLERS
When a woman is at home one day a week for several months, she is expected to make very little preparation in the way of refreshment for her chance guests. The tea tray is ready on the tea-table at one side of the room, and upon it are cups and saucers, teapot, canister and hot-water kettle. A plate of thin bread and butter, or sandwiches, or biscuits, and another of sweet wafers or fancy cakes, stand on this table. Sugar and cream and sliced lemon complete the outfit. The kettle is kept boiling that fresh tea may be made when required, and a servant enters when needed to take out the used cups. If there are many callers, the services of this maid may be required to assist in passing cups, and sugar and cream. Otherwise the hostess may attend to such matters herself, chatting pleasantly as she does so. It is not incumbent on a caller to take anything to eat or drink unless she wishes to do this. When one attends half-a-dozen such “At Homes” in an afternoon one would have to carry a bag like that worn by Jack the Giant-Killer of fairy lore, if one were to accept refreshments at each house. The hostess should, therefore, never insist that a guest eat and drink if she has declined to do so.
HOW MANY CARDS TO LEAVE
In calling on a married woman a matron leaves one of her own cards and two of her husband’s. Her card is for the hostess, one of her husband’s is for the hostess and the other for the man of the house. If there be several ladies in the family, as for instance, a mother and two daughters, the caller leaves one of her own and one of her husband’s cards for each woman, and an extra card from her husband for each man of the household.
This is the general rule, but it must have some exceptions. For instance, in a household where there are five or six women it is ridiculous to leave an entire pack of visiting-cards. In this case a woman leaves her card for “the ladies,” and leaves it with her husband’s, also for “the ladies.” One of his cards is also left for the man of the family. Or if there be several men it may be left simply for “the gentlemen.”
If one knows that there is a guest staying at a house at which one calls, one must send in one’s card for this guest. Or, if one have a friend staying in the same town with one, and one calls on her, it is a breach of good breeding not to inquire for the friend’s hostess and leave a card for her whether she appear or not.
When an engagement is made known the members of the man’s family should immediately call on his fiancée and her family, and a formal dinner should be given for them within two weeks.
THE BLACK-EDGED CARD
Custom clings to the black-edged card for those in mourning. It has its uses and surely its abuses. For those in deep mourning it is a convenience to send in the form of regrets, as the black edge gives sufficient reason in itself for the non-acceptance of invitations. It may also be sent with gifts to friends. If one uses it as a calling-card the border should be very narrow. If one is in such deep mourning that one’s card must appear with a half-inch of black around it, one is certainly in too deep mourning to pay calls. Until the black edge can