Marion Harland's Complete Etiquette. Marion Harland
If a correspondent is worth having, she is worth treating fairly. Let her letter be read carefully, and laid aside until such time as one can have a half-hour of uninterrupted writing. Then, let the letter one would answer be read, and the questions it contains be answered in order, and first of all. This is common courtesy. After which one may write as much as time and inclination permit. If one has not the time to conduct one’s correspondence in this way, let one have fewer correspondents. It is more fair to them and to one’s self.
THE GOOD-LOOKING NOTE
Colored letter-paper is in bad form unless the color be a pale gray or a light blue. From time to time, stationers have put upon the market paper outré in design and coloring, and the persons who have used it were just what might be expected. It reminds one of what Richard Grant White said of the words “gents” and “pants”—he noticed “that the one generally wore the other.” So, paper that is such bad form as this is usually used by persons who are “bad form.” All good-looking notes have a considerable margin at the left hand; punctilious people insist on a right-hand margin also.
SEALING THE ENVELOPE
Plain white or cream paper of good quality is always in fashion. For social correspondence this paper must be so cut that it is folded but once to be slipped into an envelope. At the top of the page in the middle may be the address, as “123 West Barrows Street,” and the name of the city. Just now, this is the only marking that is used on the sheet, although some persons have the initials or monogram, or crest, in place of the address. It is no longer fashionable to have the crest or monogram and the address also. The envelope is marked or not, as one chooses. The use of sealing-wax gives a touch of distinction for which a few persons still take time. Only white or delicately colored wax is acceptable, unless at holiday time, when the festive touch given by scarlet is in season.
Letter-heads, such as are used for business correspondence, should never be used for social purposes. Even the business man may keep in his office desk a quire or two of plain paper upon which to write society notes and replies to invitations. Nor is it permissible for him to use the typewriter in inditing these. All his business correspondence may be conducted with the aid of the invaluable machine, and he may, if he ask permission to do so, send letters to members of his own family on the typewriter. But all other correspondence should be done with pen and ink.
Unfortunately, mourning stationery is still in vogue. The recipient of a black-edged letter is often conscious of a distinct shock when she first sees the emblem of dolor, and wonders if it contains the notice of a death. For this reason many considerate followers of conventionalities do not use the black-edged stationery, but content themselves with plain white paper marked with the address or monogram in black lettering.
A social or friendly letter is frequently dated at the end, at the left-hand lower corner of the signature. A business communication is dated at the upper right-hand corner.
ADDRESSING BUSINESS FIRMS
The expression “My dear Mr. Blank” is more formal than is “Dear Mr. Blank,” and is, therefore, used in society notes. Do not—as some have done—begin “dear” with a capital. Unsophisticated persons sometimes hesitate to use the prefix “dear,”—they may be assured that in this connection it is merely a polite form, with no sentimental flavor whatever. Business letters addressed to a man should begin with the name of the person to whom they are intended on one line, the salutation on the next, as: “Mr. John Smith” on the upper line, and below this, “Dear Sir.” In addressing a firm consisting of more than one person, write the name of the firm, as “Smith, Jones and Company,” then below, “Dear Sirs.” The salutation “Gentlemen” in such a case is old-fashioned but is preferred by some ceremonious persons who also like to put “Esq.” after a man’s name on an envelope in place of putting “Mr.” before it.
THE SIGNATURE
It should be unnecessary to remind women not to preface their signatures with the title “Mrs.” or “Miss.” Such a mistake stamps one as a vulgarian or an ignoramus. The name in full may be signed, as: “Mary Bacon Smith.” If the writer be a married woman, and the person to whom she writes does not know whether she be married or single, she should write her husband’s name with the preface “Mrs.” below her signature, or in the lower left-hand corner of the sheet, as (“Mrs. James Hayes Smith”). An unmarried woman will save her correspondent embarrassment by putting “Miss Brown” in parentheses in this corner.
To sign one’s name prefaced by the first letter is no longer considered good form. “J. Henry Wells” should be “John Henry Wells.” If one would use one initial letter instead of the full name, let that letter be the middle initial, as “John H. Wells,” or “J. H. Wells.”
THE POSTAL CARD
I wish I could impress on all followers of good form that a postal card is a solecism except when used for business purposes. If it is an absolute necessity to send one to a friend or a member of one’s family, as, when stopping for a moment at a railroad station one wishes to send a line home telling of one’s safety at the present stage of the journey, the sentences should be short and to the point, and unprefaced by an affectionate salutation. All love-messages should be omitted, as should the intimate termination that is entirely proper in a sealed letter. “Affectionately” or “Lovingly” are out of place when written upon a postal card. Expressions such as “God bless you!” or “I love you,” or “Love to the dear ones,” are in shockingly bad taste except under cover of an envelope. A good rule to impress on those having a penchant for the prevalent post-card is as follows: “Use for business when brevity and simplicity are the order of the day; never use for friendly correspondence unless the purchase of a sheet of paper, envelope and postage stamp is an impossibility.”
The friendly letter may be as long as time and inclination permit. The business communication should be written in as few and clear sentences as possible. Some one has said that to write a model business letter one should “begin in the middle of it.” In other words, it should be unprefaced by any unnecessary sentences, but should begin immediately on the business in hand, continue and finish with it. For such letters “Very truly yours” is the correct ending, unless, as in the case of a man or firm addressing a letter to a person totally unknown to the writer, and of marked eminence, when the expression “Respectfully yours” may be used.
LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE
Many people consider letters of congratulation and condolence the most difficult to write. This is because one feels that a certain kind of form is necessary and that conventional and stilted phrases are proper under the circumstances. This is a mistake, for, going on the almost unfailing principle that what comes from the heart, goes to the heart, the best form to be used toward those in sorrow or joy is a genuine expression of feeling. If you are sorry for a friend, write to her that you are, and that you are thinking of her and longing to help her. If you are happy in her happiness, say so as cordially as words can express it.
It happens now and then that even the quietest person wishes to write to a man of political prominence. Such persons, whether they be diplomats or members of Congress, may properly be addressed as “Honorable Mr. ——.” The president is “The Honorable, the President of the United States.” To use the article before the title is more elegant. Bishops of any church are entitled to the prefix, “The Right Reverend.” In conversation, the rector of a “high” Episcopal church is often affectionately addressed as “Father ——,” but this form of greeting would not be used on an envelope. The dean of a cathedral should be addressed as “The Very Reverend ——.”
Very small paper and envelopes for society notes are less used than formerly, many persons preferring what are called correspondence cards, heavy cream-white single cards on which a few lines may be written and which are slipped into their envelopes without folding.
LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION
Letters of introduction should bear on the outside of the envelope, in the lower left-hand corner the words, “Introducing Miss ——,” in order that the two thus brought together may be saved any momentary embarrassment. They should not be sealed. One