Marion Harland's Complete Etiquette. Marion Harland
to make this earth a more agreeable place to those who have the social instinct. But it must never be forgot that the fundamental place for the cultivation of this instinct is at home, which is the practise ground for formal and general society.
CHAPTER VI
FUNCTIONS
THE rules that apply to a dinner hold good at a luncheon, to which function ladies only are usually invited, although when served at twelve o’clock, and called “breakfast,” men are also bidden.
At a luncheon the women leave their coats in the dressing-room, wearing their hats and gloves to the table. The gloves are drawn off as soon as all are seated. Just why women elect to sit through an entire meal in a private house with their hats on is not readily explained and some independent hostesses request that hats be removed. But if they are retained, the gloves also should be worn to the table, not taken off up-stairs, as is often done. When the gloves are long, some women merely pull off the lower part and tuck it into the wrist, an ugly habit.
In giving luncheons, hostesses with beautifully polished tables often prefer to use doilies of linen or lace instead of a cloth. More precise women never serve a meal without using a table-cloth, but from an artistic point of view the shining surface of bare mahogany is charming.
Luncheon guests should remember that their hostess may have engagements for the late afternoon, and not ordinarily prolong their stay after three o’clock—if luncheon has been at one.
FORMAL RECEPTIONS
At an evening reception, the guests ascend to the dressing-rooms, if they wish, or may leave wraps in the hall, if a servant be there to take them. When one comes in a carriage with only an opera wrap over a reception gown, it is hardly worth while to mount the stairs. But this must be decided by the arrangements made by the entertainers. Before one enters the drawing-room one deposits one’s cards on the salver on the hall table. If there be a servant announcing guests the new arrival gives his name clearly and distinctly to this functionary, who repeats it in such a tone that those receiving may hear it. The guest enters the parlors at this moment, proceeds directly to his hostess, and after greeting her, speaks with each person receiving with her. He then passes on and mingles with the rest of the company.
An afternoon reception is conducted in the same manner, the only difference being that, at an evening function refreshments are more elaborate than at an afternoon affair, and frequently the guests repair to the dining-room, if this be large. At some day receptions, this is also done, but at a tea refreshments are usually passed in the drawing-rooms. A friend of the hostess usually pours the tea and the chocolate, and other friends are asked to assist. At successful receptions these ladies do not seek their especial friends among the guests, but are rather on the lookout for any who may be strange or timid.
CORRECT AFTERNOON DRESS
Refreshments so elaborate that they will spoil the appetite for dinner are not to be served at afternoon affairs. At the tea proper, only tea, bread and butter and little cakes are offered. If more than this is served the occasion is more properly called a reception. In any case the entertainment given in the afternoon should not take on the elaborate nature of an evening party and only in provincial communities is it allowed to do this. Many women in such places do not properly distinguish between afternoon and evening dress. While a woman may suitably wear before six a gown slightly low in the neck, she should not until after that hour wear one that is lower or whose sleeves do not come to the elbow.
The “high tea” is a sit-down affair, really a very late luncheon. It is said to have originated in Philadelphia and is, as one would expect, a formal stately affair with an elaborate menu. The guests have a delightful time—but do not want any dinner that evening.
HOW TO REVIVE FLOWERS
It is useful to know that when on the afternoon of a reception or dinner flowers intended for decoration arrive from the florist in a wilted condition they may often be revived by plunging the stems in boiling water.
At a very large reception it is not now required that one force one’s self on the attention of the hostess for the sake of taking formal leave. One may instead depart whenever one is ready to do so.
Music at a reception should not be so loud as to make talking difficult. In any but the largest houses a harp stationed in a side room or hall is ample. Foreigners find our babel of voices at such affairs subjects of criticism but often indeed one must shout if one is to be heard. Oliver Wendell Holmes is said to have described the average afternoon tea in four words, thus: “Gibble, gabble, gobble, git.” It can not be denied that they often merit the satire.
THE COMING-OUT PARTY
The “coming-out” party or reception, at which the débutante makes her entrance in the world of society, is conducted as is any other reception, but the débutante stands by her mother and receives with her. Each guest speaks some pleasant word of congratulation on shaking hands with the girl. Her dress should be exquisite, and she should carry flowers. These flowers are usually sent to her. When more are received than she can carry, they are placed about the room. If the coming-out party be in the evening, it is often followed by a dance for the young people.
In sending out invitations for such an affair, the daughter’s card is enclosed with that of the mother, or her name is engraved below that of her mother on the latter’s card.
One may leave such a function as has just been described as soon as one likes, and may take refreshments or not as one wishes. Just before departing the guest says good night to his hosts.
The hour at which one goes to a reception may be at any time between the hours named on the cards issued. One should never go too early, or, if it can be avoided, on the stroke of the first hour mentioned. If the cards read “eight-thirty to eleven o’clock,” any time after nine o’clock will be proper and one will then be pretty sure not to be the first arrival of the company.
A card-party is a function at which one should arrive with reasonable promptness. If the invitations call for eight-thirty, one must try not to be more than ten or fifteen minutes late, as the starting of the game will be thus delayed and the hostess inconvenienced. After the game is ended, refreshments are served, and as soon after that as one pleases one may take one’s departure.
SERENITY AT CARDS
It is surprising how many people, at other times well-bred, quite lose their tempers at bridge or whist. The scent of a prize seems to arouse in them a spirit of vulgarity one would not discredit them with possessing if one met them away from the card table. The only proper attitude in all games is one or serenity and courtesy no matter what unspeakable blunders your partner may commit.
The same rule of promptness applies to a musicale. After greeting the hostess, guests take the seats assigned to them, and chat with those persons near them until the program is begun. During the music not a word should be spoken. If one has no love for music, let consideration for others cause one to be silent. If this is impossible, it is less unkind to send a regret than to attend and by so doing mar others’ enjoyment of a musical feast.
At a ball or large dance, one may arrive when one wishes. The ladies are shown to the dressing-room, then meet their escorts at the head of the stairs and descend to the drawing-rooms or dance-hall. Here the host and hostess greet one, after which one mingles with the company.
FILLING DANCE PROGRAMS
At a formal dance, programs or orders of dance are provided, each man and each woman receiving one as he or she leaves the dressing-room or enters the drawing-room. Upon this card a woman has inscribed the names of the various men who ask for dances. As each man approaches her with the request that he be given a dance, she hands him her card and he writes his name on it, then writes her name on the corresponding blank on his own card. As he returns her program to her the man should say “Thank you!” The woman may bow slightly and smile or repeat the same words.
No woman versed in the ways of polite society