Marion Harland's Complete Etiquette. Marion Harland
the carriages containing the party arrive at the church door the ushers go down the canopy-covered walk and help the girls to alight, convey them into the vestibule and close the outer doors of the church while the procession forms. Then the inside doors are thrown open and as the organ peals forth the wedding march, the procession passes up the aisle at a dignified pace, but not, let us hope, at the painfully slow gait some persons think necessary. First, come the ushers, two by two, next, the bridesmaids in pairs, then the maid of honor, walking alone, and the bride on the arm of her father, or other masculine relative if her father is not living. As the altar is reached the ushers divide, half the number going to the right, the other half to the left, then the bridesmaids do the same, passing in front of the ushers and forming a portion of a circle nearer the altar. The maid of honor, who is sometimes now, instead, a matron of honor, stands near the bride, on her left hand, and the best man stands near the bridegroom’s right. The bridegroom, stepping forward to meet the bride, takes her hand and leads her to their place in front of the clergyman, the father remaining standing a little in the rear of the bride and to one side until that portion of the service is reached when the clergyman asks, “Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?” He then takes his daughter’s hand, and laying it in the hand of the bridegroom, replies, “I do.” After this he steps quietly down from the chancel and takes his place in the pew with his wife, or the other members of the family. If the bride’s father is dead his place may be taken by any middle-aged man relative or family friend.
DUTY OF THE BEST MAN
During the ceremony the best man stands at the right of the bridegroom, and a trifle behind him, taking charge of his friend’s hat and handing him the ring when it is needed. It is he, also, who pays the clergyman and if a register is to be signed, he signs it. The final responsibility for a ceremony without an awkward hitch rests on his shoulders and on those of the maid of honor.
The maid of honor, standing near the bride, holds her bouquet and takes her glove when the ring is put on, and continues to hold them until after the benediction, which the bridal pair kneels to receive. Then the organ again sounds the wedding march, and the guests remain standing as the party assembled at the altar moves down the aisle. First, comes the bride on her husband’s arm, then the best man and the maid of honor together, then the ushers and the bridesmaids, each girl on the arm of an usher. After that the families of the bride and bridegroom leave. The bridal party is driven directly to the home of the bride’s parents, where the wedding-breakfast is served or, if a reception follows the wedding, where the bride awaits the arrival of her guests.
THE ARTISTIC BRIDE
The conventional dress for the bride married in daylight is the same as for an evening wedding, a trained white gown with lace or tulle veil. The same is true of the costumes of the bridesmaids and maid of honor. These are selected by the bride. At one pink-and-white wedding the bridesmaids wore pink dresses with pink picture-hats, while the maid of honor wore a gown of palest green with hat to match,—hers being the only touch of any color but pink in the assembly, and serving to accentuate the general rose-like scheme. The bridesmaids’ bouquets are of flowers to harmonize with their costumes. The bride’s bouquet is always white, bride roses being favorites for this purpose. Brides with artistic natures who find white satin and orange blossoms unbecoming, sometimes arrange a softer costume that is still sufficiently bride-like to satisfy sentiment. Often little children are used as attendants for the bride. They precede the maid of honor and may scatter flower petals down the aisle as they go. The effect is charming. A matron of honor must wear a colored costume.
At a day wedding the bridegroom wears a frock coat, light gray trousers, white waistcoat, white satin or silk tie and patent leather shoes. Of course, the only hat permissible with a frock coat is a high silk one. The gloves are white, or pale gray. The ushers’ dress is the same except that their ties need not be white.
At an evening wedding full dress is, of course, necessary. Then the bridegroom wears his dress suit, white waistcoat, white lawn tie and white gloves. The ushers are dressed in the same manner.
GIFTS TO BRIDESMAIDS
It is customary for the bride to give her bridesmaids some little gift. This may be a stick-pin or brooch bearing the intertwined initials of the bridal pair. This pin is usually worn by the recipient at the wedding.
The bride and the bridegroom with the bridesmaids stand together at the end of the drawing-room to receive the guests. An usher meets each guest at his, or her arrival, and offering his arm, escorts the newcomer to the bridal pair, asking for the name as he does so. This name he repeats distinctly on reaching the bride, who extends her hand in greeting, and receives congratulations. The bridegroom is then congratulated, and the guest straightway makes room for the next comer.
One is often asked what should be said to the newly-married pair,—what form congratulations should take, and so on. Stilted phrases are at all times to be avoided, and the greeting should be as simple and straightforward as possible. It is good form to wish the bride happiness, while the bridegroom is congratulated. Thus one says to the bride, “I hope you will be very happy,—and I am sure you will.” And to the bridegroom one may say,—“You do not need to be told how much you are to be congratulated, for you know it already. Still I do want to say that I congratulate you from my heart.”
A pretty custom followed by some brides is that of turning, when half-way up the stairs, after the reception or breakfast is over, untying the ribbon fastening the bouquet together, and scattering the flowers thus released among the men waiting in the hall below. This disposes of the wedding bouquet which one has not the heart to throw away, and yet which one can not keep satisfactorily.
DISPLAYING GIFTS
If gifts are displayed at a reception, it should be in an upper room, and all cards should be removed. The bride may keep a list of her presents and of the donors, but to display cards gives an opportunity for invidious comparisons. More and more the custom of showing gifts, except to intimate friends in private, is going out.
The tables for the wedding-breakfast may be placed about the drawing-rooms, and the guests are seated informally at them. The only exception to this rule is the bride’s table at which the bridal party sits. As artificial lights are usually used at elaborate functions, even at high noon, pretty candelabra are upon each table. Or, if preferred, fairy lamps may take the place of the candelabra.
THE WEDDING BREAKFAST
The menu for the wedding-breakfast may consist of grapefruit with Maraschino cherries, or of oyster cocktails, or of clams on the half-shell, as a first course; next, hot clam bouillon (unless clams have already been served) or chicken bouillon; fish in some form, as fish croquettes with oyster-crab sauce; sweetbread pâtés with green peas; broiled chicken or French chops with potato croquettes or with Parisian potatoes; punch frappé; game with salad; ices, cakes, coffee. If wines are used, champagne is served with the breakfast. Slices of the wedding-cake packed in dainty satin-paper boxes are given to the guests as they leave.
The breakfast over, the bride slips away quietly, to change her dress for the wedding journey, and departs as after a home wedding.
The guests at a wedding-breakfast must call on the mother of the bride within three weeks after the marriage. They will, of course, call on the bride on one of her “At Home” days, the dates of which are given with the wedding invitations or with the announcement cards.
ANNOUNCEMENT CARDS
Announcement cards are issued immediately after the wedding, so must be addressed and stamped ready to be mailed at once. The text usually used is this:
“Mr. and Mrs. William Edwin Burnham announce the marriage of their daughter, Eleanor Fair, to Mr. John Langdon Morse, on Tuesday, the eighth of December, one thousand nine hundred and five, at St. Michael’s Church, Davenport, Iowa.”
Another form that is sometimes seen is the following:
“Married, Wednesday, October eleventh, 1903; Florence Archer and John Staunton, 1019 Penn Street, Philadelphia.”
This last form is seldom used except in cases where the bride is so unfortunate as to have no relatives in whose names