Marion Harland's Complete Etiquette. Marion Harland
recent years it has become permissible for the woman who wishes to give a large entertainment to do it at a club-house or in a hotel ballroom hired for the occasion. Frequently the room is made more attractive by the addition of rugs and other furnishings from the home of the hostess. While the hired hall is a convenience, and to the woman living in an apartment a necessity for receptions and dances, it can never take in elegance and the spirit of true hospitality the place of entertaining under one’s roof. When one sees women of wealth and leisure resort to it—“Because it saves bother, you know”—one feels that these women must regard the events of social life as disagreeable duties rather than delightful opportunities.
With us “Bonnets before six but not after” is the rule, and this is also the custom in England. But at formal receptions in the evening in France the hat is retained. The combination of picture-hat and low-cut gown is particularly attractive and one wishes that American women would occasionally, at least, copy it.
HAVE PLENTY OF CHAIRS
If you give a musicale be sure you provide plenty of chairs. To do this one must, unfortunately, rent folding chairs and these always have a slight funereal aspect. But that is better than compelling people to stand. One wonders why women of large means, who entertain on a corresponding scale, do not buy several dozen of these chairs and stain them dark. A woman who spoke of a certain house as hospitable in appearance, being asked what she meant, answered, “There are so many places in it to sit.”
A woman who is not willing to take the trouble to be a hostess should not ask people to her house. In order to make even a simple entertainment a success it is necessary that there should be a directing though quiet influence. Some women are too strenuous as hostesses, others are merely guests at their own parties. Here as elsewhere there is a medium course that is most to be desired.
THE IDEAL SOCIETY
The spirit of an ideal society has been well expressed by Amiel in his famous Journal: “In society people are expected to behave as if they lived on ambrosia and concerned themselves with nothing but the loftiest interests. Anxiety, need, passion, have no existence. All realism is suppressed as brutal. In a word, what we call ‘society’ proceeds for the moment on the flattering illusory assumption that it is moving in an ethereal atmosphere and breathing the air of the gods. All vehemence, all natural expression, all real suffering, all careless familiarity, or any frank sign of passion, are startling and distasteful in this delicate milieu; they at once destroy the common work, the cloud palace, the magical architectural whole, which has been raised by the general consent and effort. It is like the sharp cock-crow which breaks the spell of all enchantments, and puts the fairies to flight. These select gatherings produce, without knowing it, a sort of concert for eyes and ears, an improvised work of art. By the instinctive collaboration of everybody concerned, intellect and taste hold festival, and the associations of reality are exchanged for the associations of imagination. So understood, society is a form of poetry; the cultivated classes deliberately recompose the idyll of the past and the buried world of Astrea. Paradox or no, I believe that these fugitive attempts to reconstruct a dream whose only end is beauty represent confused reminiscences of an age of gold haunting the human heart, or rather aspirations toward a harmony of things which every-day reality denies to us, and of which art alone gives us a glimpse.”
A PERFECT SOCIAL GROUP
Speaking of a certain soirée, the same writer emphasizes the fact that the most beautiful social groups are not confined to any one age or sex. “About thirty people representing our best society were there, a happy mixture of sexes and ages. There were gray heads, young girls, bright faces—the whole framed in some Aubusson tapestries which made a charming background, and gave a soft air of distances to the brilliantly-dressed groups.”
CHAPTER VII
THE HOME WEDDING
TO a home wedding, invitations may be issued two weeks in advance. Their style depends upon how formal the function is to be. If a quiet family affair, the notes of invitation may be written in the first person by the bride’s mother, as:
“My Dear Mary:
“Helen and Mr. Jones are to be married on Wednesday, October the thirteenth, at four o’clock. The marriage will be very quiet, with none but the family and most intimate friends present. We hope that you will be of that number. Helen sends her love and begs that you will come to see her married.
“Faithfully yours,
”Joanna Smith.”
This kind of note is, of course, only permissible for the most informal affairs. For the usual home marriage, cards, which read as follows, may be issued:
“Mr. and Mrs. Nelson Brown request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Blank’s company at the marriage of their daughter on the afternoon of Wednesday, the thirteenth of October, at four o’clock, at One hundred and forty-four Madison Square, Boston.”
Or the invitations may read:
“Mr. and Mrs. Nelson Brown request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter, Helen Adams, to Mr. Charles Sprague, on Tuesday afternoon, October the thirteenth, at four o’clock.”
“R. s. v. p.” may be added if desired. Some people prefer to “request the honor of,” etc., as more elegant.
WEDDING CARDS
Wedding-cards are enclosed in two envelopes, with the inner one bearing the name only and left unsealed.
Sunday weddings are not good form, and Friday is, owing to the old superstition, not popular. Probably more weddings take place on Wednesday than on any other day.
At a home wedding, the bride often has but one girl attendant, and that one is the maid of honor. The bride tells her what kind of dress she wishes her to wear, and the bridegroom provides her bouquet for her. He also sends the bride her bouquet.
THE MATTER OF EXPENSES
The wedding expenses of the bridegroom are the flowers for the bride and her maid of honor or bridesmaids, the carriage in which he takes his bride to the train, the carriages for best man and ushers, and the clergyman’s fee. Besides this, he usually provides his ushers and best man with a scarf-pin. In some cases he gives these attendants also their gloves and ties; sometimes he does not. The bride’s family pays all other expenses, including the decorating of the house, the invitations and announcement cards and the caterer. If guests from a distance are to be met at the train by carriages, the bride’s father pays for these.
We will suppose that at the house wedding with which we have to do the only attendants are the best man, two ushers and the maid of honor, and that the ceremony is at high noon, or twelve o’clock.
The matter of lights at this function is largely a question of taste. If the day be brilliantly clear, it seems a pity to shut the glorious sunshine from the house. Therefore many brides decline to have the curtains drawn at the noon hour. Many persons prefer the light from the shaded lamps and candles, as being more becoming than the glare of day.
The wedding-breakfast is provided by a caterer always when such a thing is possible. It may consist of iced or jellied bouillon, lobster cutlets, chicken pâtés, a salad, with cakes, ices and coffee. This menu can be added to or elaborated, as inclination may dictate. Sweetbread pâtés may take the place of chicken pâtés. A frozen punch may take the place of the ordinary ices, and, if one wish, a game course be introduced. A heavy breakfast is, however, a tedious and unnecessary affair.
THE BRIDE’S DRESS
The bride’s dress, if she be a young girl, must be white with a veil. A train is advisable, as it adds elegance and dignity to the costume. The waist is made with a high neck and long sleeves and white gloves are worn. The veil is turned back from the face and reaches to the bottom of the train where it is held in place by several pearl-headed pins. A single fold of tulle hangs over the face, being separated from