Marion Harland's Complete Etiquette. Marion Harland
back after the ceremony.
The bridegroom wears a black frock coat, gray trousers, white waistcoat, white tie, light gray or pearl gloves and patent leather shoes. His ushers dress in much the same fashion.
The maid of honor wears a gown of white or very light color, with a slight train, and a picture hat, or not, as she wishes. When becoming, an entire costume of pale pink, with a large hat trimmed with long plumes of the same shade, is very striking. The bouquet carried by the bridesmaid will harmonize with the color of her gown. Of course, the bride’s bouquet will be white, and is usually composed of her favorite blossoms.
THE WEDDING RING
The old fashion of ripping the third finger of the bride’s left-hand glove, so that this finger might be slipped off for the adjusting of the ring, is no longer in vogue. Instead of this the left-hand glove is removed entirely at that part of the ceremony when the ring is placed on the bride’s finger by the bridegroom.
At a house wedding the guests assemble near the hour named, leave their wraps in the dressing-rooms, then wait in the drawing-room for the wedding. The whole parlor-floor is decorated with natural flowers, garlands of these being twisted about the balustrades, and making a bower of the room in which the marriage is to take place. If one can afford to do so, one may prefer to leave the matter of floral decorations to an experienced florist, but any person with taste can successfully decorate the rooms. A screen of green, dotted with flowers, may stand at the end of the room in which the marriage is to be solemnized, and an arch of flowers is thrown over this. Within this arch the clergyman, the bridegroom and the best man may await the arrival of the wedding guests, as the wedding march begins.
THE WEDDING PROCESSION
The portières, shutting off the drawing-room from the hall, are closed when the time arrives for the bridal party to descend the stairs. As they reach the hall the strains of the wedding march sound.
One word as to the orchestra. This should be stationed at such a distance from the clergyman and bridal party that its strains will not drown the words of the service. Since Fashion decrees that music should be played during the service, it should be so soft and low that it accentuates, rather than muffles the voices of the participants in the ceremony. Loud strains detract from the impressiveness of the occasion, and cause a feeling of irritation to the persons who would not miss a single word of the solemn service.
Through the door at the opposite end of the room from that in which the bridegroom stands, enters the wedding procession. The two ushers come first, having a moment or two before marked off the aisle, by stretching two lengths of white satin ribbon from end to end of the room. Following the ushers walks the bridesmaid alone, and, after her, on the arm of her father, comes the bride. At the improvised altar, or at the cushions upon which the bridal couple are to kneel, the ushers separate, one going to each side. The maid of honor moves to the left of the bride, and the father lays the bride’s hand in the hand of the bridegroom, then stands a little in the rear until he gives her away, after which point in the ceremony he steps back among the guests, or at one side, apart from the bridal group. The best man stands on the bridegroom’s right. It is he who gives the ring to the clergyman, who hands it to the bridegroom, who places it on the finger of the bride.
RECEIVING CONGRATULATIONS
When the ring is to be put on, the bride hands her bouquet to the maid of honor, and draws off her left-hand glove, giving that also to the maid of honor, who holds both until after the benediction. After congratulating the newly-wedded pair, the clergyman gives them his place, and they stand facing the company, to receive congratulations. The bride’s mother should have been in the parlor to receive the guests as they arrived, and during the ceremony stands at the end of the room near the bridal party. She should be the first to congratulate the happy couple, the bridegroom’s parents following those of the bride. The maid of honor stands by the bride while she receives.
After congratulations have been extended, the wedding-breakfast is served at little tables placed about the various rooms. The bride and her party may, if desired, have a table to themselves, and upon this may be a wedding-cake, to be cut by the bride. This is not essential and has, of late years, been largely superseded by the squares of wedding cake, packed in dainty boxes, one of which is handed to each guest on leaving.
When the time comes for the bride to change her dress she slips quietly from the room, accompanied by her maid of honor. The bridegroom goes to an apartment assigned to him and his best man to put on his traveling suit. Later, the maid of honor may come down and tell the bride’s mother in an “aside” that she may now go up and bid her daughter good-by in the privacy of her own room. Afterward the young husband and wife descend the stairs together, say good-by in general to the guests awaiting them in the lower hall, and drive off, generally, one regrets to say, amid showers of rice.
AS TO PRACTICAL JOKES
I would say just here that the playing of practical jokes on a bridal pair is a form of pleasantry that should be confined to classes whose intellects have not been cultivated above the appreciation of such coarse fun. To tie a white satin bow on the trunk of the so-called happy pair so that all passengers may take note of them, is hardly kind. But jesting compared to some of the deeds done. A few weeks ago the papers gave an account of a groomsman who slipped handcuffs upon the wrists of bride and bridegroom, then lost the key, and the embarrassed couple had to wait for their train, chained together, until a file could be procured, by which time their train had left. Such forms of buffoonery may be diverting to the perpetrator; they certainly are not amusing to the sufferers.
THE QUIET WEDDING
this is refined A girl who is to be married quietly with only relatives or intimate friends present often says, in explaining this fact, “I’m not going to have a wedding.” The expression is not well chosen, for it inevitably suggests that the glitter of the ceremony is in her eyes more important than the solemn words which are the wedding.
CHAPTER VIII
THE CHURCH WEDDING
THERE is about a church wedding a formality that is dispensed with at a home ceremony. The cards of invitation may be engraved in the same form as those described in the last chapter, but the church at which the marriage is to take place is mentioned instead of the residence of the bride’s parents. If in a large city where curiosity seekers are likely to crowd into the edifice, it is customary to enclose with the card of invitation a small card to be presented at the door. Only bearers of these bits of pasteboard are admitted. With the invitations may be cards for the reception or the wedding-breakfast to follow the ceremony. These cards demand acceptances or regrets, which should always be addressed to the mother of the bride, never to the bride-elect.
The decorations for a church wedding may be elaborate. As a rule, one color scheme is chosen, and carried out through all the arrangements. For example, the coloring is pink and white, and if the wedding is in the autumn, chrysanthemums may be the chosen flowers, if in the summer, roses. The matter of decorations is usually put into the hands of a florist.
White satin ribbon is stretched across the pews to be occupied by the members of the two families or, more courteously, large bows of it are fastened at the end of each, and to these pews the destined occupants are conducted by the ushers a short time before the bridal party enters the edifice. A list of the persons entitled to sit in these pews should be given to the chief usher.
DUTIES OF THE USHERS
At a large and elaborate wedding six or eight ushers are often needed. Sometimes an usher follows the older custom of giving his arm to a lady, but he may be less formal if he choose and merely precede her down the aisle. There is an equal number of bridesmaids, a maid of honor and a best man. The best man, the bridegroom, and the clergyman enter the church by the vestry door, and await at the altar the coming of the bride and her attendants. The organ, which has been playing for some moments, announces the arrival of the wedding party by the opening strains of the wedding march.
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