Montegue Blister’s Strange Games: and other odd things to do with your time. Alan Down
Grasshopper
Fun indoor games based on hit television shows are few and far between—Blind Man’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer was never going to be a big hit at children’s parties. But Grasshopper, a game based around one crucial scene in the hit 70s show Kung Fu, is the TV-to-indoor-game conversion that really works.
Simply get a long roll of bubble wrap and lay a path out on top of a solid floor. Players now take it in turns to walk barefooted along the length of bubblewrap—just like Kwai Chang Caine (Grasshopper) did on rice paper in Kung Fu. In the series, under the direction of his mentor Master Po, he would try almost painfully hard to walk delicately down the paper only to get to the end, turn around, and see rips galore. He only achieved a perfect walk once he had reached true lightness of spirit through his Kung Fu training.
So any player who is heard to pop a bubble is out until it’s his turn again—or you can simply count the pops each player makes and add a time penalty for each one. Players must aim to walk along the bubble path as stylishly as possible with as much Zen poise and balance as Kwai Chang himself.
To add to the game, place a candle at the end of the path for the Kung Fu master to place his hand in the flame and yet feel no pain.
Atmosphere is added if a non-player can commentate on proceedings using the wise words of Master Po: ‘ It is only through a lightness of mind and spirit, Grasshopper, that your feet will leave no mark.’
Heinz and Seek
Dragging uncooperative children around the supermarket is hell at the best of times. Heinz and Seek is the perfect game that is guaranteed to keep squalling siblings entertained all the way from the cheese counter to the checkout.
Very simply, one parent enters the supermarket first and moves an item (one that is easily recognisable by all players—such as a branded tin of baked beans, packet of crisps, etc.). The item must now be placed somewhere else in the store, in an incongruous place but at a reasonable height for all the players to find.
The rest of the family then go into the store and are told what the product is that they are looking for. Whilst shopping, the seeking players must find the moved item before reaching the checkout.
Obviously this is not a game that you would want all the shoppers in the supermarket to play simultaneously, otherwise it would turn food shopping into a totally random experience.
Strange Jumping Games
Inuit culture has produced many fantastic games, but with Tiliraginik Qiriqtagtut, or the slightly easier to say Jump Over Stick, they have created one of the great strange games that requires athleticism, jumping ability and the ownership of a good stick.
To play, get a solid stick (a broom handle works well) and hold it in both hands in front of your body. Hands should be shoulder-width apart. The objective is to jump both feet off the ground at once and over the stick, without releasing your grip, and land without toppling. You should now be in a slightly crouched position
with the stick behind your knees. Now simply jump both feet backwards over the stick to return to your starting position. Repeat until exhausted.
There is a modern-day equivalent of Jump Over Stick, namely Underpants Jumping (or the Sport of Philanderers, as it is sometimes known). Keep your clothes on and use a spare pair of underpants (old ones where the elastic has gone may be the best, but whichever you choose, avoid the use of the thong). To play the game, hold the pants in front of your body and jump both feet simultaneously into them, then pull them up to your waist, take them off and jump again. Players play against the clock to see who can do the most underpants jumps within a set time.
Minesweepers
Minesweepers is the modern name for a game which used to be known as Battle of the Atlantic. There is nothing to beat the thrill of imagining yourself as the Admiral of a fleet crossing the Atlantic, dodging mines and Nazi U-boats.
A largish, clear space is needed for the best game. In this space, scatter as many tennis balls as possible—the game works well if the floor has a good covering of them. Players are then paired up and one member of the team is blindfolded. The seeing player must then navigate their partner (‘ship’) from one side of the room to the other, through the barrage of tennis balls (‘mines’) but can only direct them by shouting. If a ship touches a mine the watching players shout ‘BANG’, and the team have a time penalty added. If the ship touches five mines, it is sunk. Players that get from one end of the room to the other in the fastest time, win.
To make the game more authentic, you can allow only nautical directions such as, ‘full steam ahead’, ‘avast’, ‘port’, and ‘starboard’ to be given to the blindfolded player.
Scuds and Patriots
You have a floor covered with lots of tennis balls, teams paired up and ready to go, yet the game Minesweepers, although tasteless, has paradoxically lost some of its flavour. What you need to play is Scuds and Patriots.
If you’re setting up from scratch, as in Minesweepers, you need to scatter as many tennis balls as possible over the floor—a large room or hall makes an ideal venue. Now team players up into twos and blindfold one player from each pair. In Scuds and Patriots two teams play at once. One blindfolded player, the ‘Scud’, starts from one side of the room and, as before, must try to get to the opposite side without stepping on tennis balls. They are aided in this navigation by the shouted directions of their teammate. The other team’s blindfolded player, the ‘Patriot’, is positioned on a side wall, halfway down the room. Once the ‘Scud’ has traversed a third or so of the way, the ‘Patriot’ is released. Their aim, again guided by their own partner and again avoiding stepping on balls, is to make contact with the ‘Scud’ and in doing so win the game. If the ‘Scud’ reaches the far wall that team wins.
If either player steps on a ball then they have to remain still for the count of five or, for more confusion, spin around on the spot five times. Non-playing spectators are free to provide any sound effects they think appropriate.
Lemon Golf
Lemon Golf is the best use for a lemon outside of perking up a gin and tonic or removing scum stains from the inside rim of a toilet—and it’s a wonderful party game.
To play, give all competitors a lemon (their ‘golf’ ball) and a golf putter. The aim of the game, as in real golf, is to knock your lemon around the course in the fewest strokes, which, here, is made more fun by the random nature of the lemon’s movement. The course is created by positioning upturned paper cups (the holes) around the room. And don’t forget hazards: a sheepskin rug makes a marvellous rough, a scattering of sand could form a bunker.
In these days of health and safety madness it may be advisable for players to wear safety glasses, as one overhit lemon could easily result in a nasty lemon juice in the eye incident.
Sniper
Sniper is a bizarre marriage of apple bobbing and hula-hoop dancing. An apple is tied to a length of string (60-90cm works well) and this is then attached to a belt so that when worn the apple will dangle down at the front of the wearer.
Another player then holds up a plank at waist height through which a long nail has been hammered. Players then take it in turns to wear the belt and by spinning around they try to impale the apple upon the nail. The player who impales their apple in the quickest time is the winner.
There are two schools of thought on the most effective technique for this game: there are the players who try to line up the nail with the apple then fire the fruit with a Shakira-like flick of the hips, and then there are the ‘whirling dervishes’ who spin around