Montegue Blister’s Strange Games: and other odd things to do with your time. Alan Down
a danger to both themselves and anyone in the firing line.
Three Table-top Games
Imagine, if you will: there is a thunderstorm outside, all the power in the house is out and all the batteries in the children’s Nintendos and iPods have mysteriously gone flat. How will you ever keep them entertained? The answer lies in the use of the dining-room table and three of the finest table-top games ever invented.
To play Thimble Soccer, clear the table and give each player four thimbles. These should be worn on the index and middle fingers of each hand and will form the boots on the footballers’ feet. Raid the sewing box again for cotton reels to use as goalposts. A table-tennis ball is fine as the football. The obligatory rule is that players must keep all thimble-clad fingers on the table when the ball is in play; they must not lift their fingers or slide them around but must walk or run to get to the ball. (It’s a fascinating way to discover whether you are two-footed and learn how to dribble.) And, of course, fouling and playacting can all play their part in the game.
Table Hockey recreates the sport of ice hockey but by using only a dining-room table and some cutlery. Use an old table that doesn’t mind if it gets a scratch or two, a supply of tablespoons, some Blu Tack to form the goals and a checkers counter for the ball. Each player uses his tablespoon to dribble and pass the puck (quite difficult skills to acquire) with the ultimate aim being to propel it into the opponent’s goal. As in real ice hockey, there are frequent clashes as players fight over the same puck and, again just as in the real game, if a fight develops you have a handy weapon readily available.
A massively popular game in America since the 1930s, Paper Football is virtually unheard of in the UK. It is best described as what you would get if you mixed origami with Subbuteo and added conversions and field goals. Any smooth table is suitable to form the pitch, whilst the football is formed from an A4 piece of paper, which with the correct folds can be formed into a small, flat, isosceles triangular ball.
Kick-offs are made by holding the ‘ball’ in the palm of your hand and throwing it into the opponent’s half; where it lands is where they start. Players then take it in turns to flick the triangle, aiming for it to finish with any part of it hanging over the opposite edge of the table—a touchdown. This will win you six points. If no part of the triangle is over the edge it is the other player’s turn. If a player scores a touchdown they can then attempt a conversion. Their opponent makes the goalposts by holding out both hands with their thumbs together and index fingers pointing upwards. The shooting player holds the ball in their palm and tries to flick it over the posts.
The Paper Football Association, the game’s governing body (see Internet Resources), has a full set of instructions for play, including the very sensible advice to wear safety glasses when defending against a field goal!
Walking Trippy
A children’s indoor or party game, Walking Trippy has been called a supreme game of skill and elegance, the English Gentleman’s martial art and…bloody stupid.
The game is for two people. Each walks towards the other at a reasonable strolling pace and in a direction so that they would pass each other quite closely. The aim, however, is to trip up the other person as you pass. No use of the hand or arm is allowed and, most importantly, one mustn’t break one’s step; the trip must be accomplished by delicately catching the opponent’s ankle or toes as he passes. Players must never stop walking when they meet, and if both players fail to trip the other they must carry on until they reach their opponent’s starting point and then turn around, ready to play again.
It’s a terrific game requiring large amounts of ankle and foot dexterity alongside feline-like balance. You gain one point if you make your opponent stumble and two points if they fall.
Charlie Chaplin Walking Trippy is a silent-movie variant of the game. This version involves adopting the bow-legged swagger of the movie star and twirling a cane or rolled-up umbrella. This additional weapon can be carried upside down, allowing the use of the curved handle to catch an ankle as you pass.
Ringing the Bull/Wallhooky
Simple to set up and play, but quite addictive, Ringing the Bull (or Wallhooky, as it is sometimes known) is an ancient pub game which was reputedly introduced to England by the Crusaders. Along with spices, carpets and writing paper, they brought back a game that involves a brass ring and a stuffed animal head with a hook attached to its nose. The game retains its popularity in the North of England and the Caribbean, which was presented with it by early settlers. To play, attach a bull’s nose ring to a string from the ceiling and then attach a hook to the wall in such a position that the bull’s ring will hook on with the string remaining taut. (Traditionally the hook was fitted to the nose of a stuffed animal’s head mounted on the wall.) Each player stands in the pre-determined throwing position and has a set number of throws to get the ring hooked. The player with the highest number of rings hooked is the victor.
Extra points can be scored for throws that perform a complete circle before getting hooked, but you are talking advanced Wallhooky there.
Mangel-wurzel Skittles
Mangel-wurzel Skittles is an ancient British West Country pub game that has those twin magic ingredients of simplicity and stupidity.
A mangel-wurzel (a large beetroot-like vegetable) has a rope tied to it which is attached to the ceiling of the room. The skittles are created by players standing on narrow 15cm-high wooden blocks. Players are best arranged in a traditional diamond formation. Which person gets which podium can be decided by drawing straws. The mangel-thrower then launches the mangel-wurzel into the skittles. Players take it in turn, as in normal skittles, to knock over as many people as possible.
Walnut Fighting
The great disadvantage of conker fighting is its seasonal nature, so if you find yourself longing for a game outside of autumn you should learn the joys of conker fighting’s long-lost cousin, Walnut Fighting.
Walnut Fighting—the true king of seed-related fight games—was last big around the 1900s, and not many people today realise the fun that can be had with just some empy walnut shells.
To play, you need to crack open some walnuts and eat the nuts inside so that you end up with at least two undamaged half shells. A player takes a shell and places it flat-part down on the table. Their opponent does the same so that the pointed parts of the shells are touching. By applying pressure on the back of the shells, each player then tries to force their opponent’s to crack. The first shell to shatter, or just crack, loses.
In the late eighteenth century the shells of snails were used in a similar contest called Conquering Shells. Shells were pressed against each other as above and the first to crack lost. Obviously, if you wanted to revive this game today you would have to use empty snail shells. A pan of snails fried gently in garlic butter makes a perfect pre-game meal.
Snapdragons
On Christmas Eve many families try to decide which game to play. Either a classic board game, a cosy parlour game or maybe even a DVD quiz game. Please don’t make those mistakes, there is only one game for Christmas Eve: Snapdragons.
Very popular from the sixteenth to the nineteenth centuries, Snapdragons, or Flapdragons as it is also known, has explicably declined in popularity.
All you need to play is a bowl, some matches, raisins and brandy…and the address of your nearest accident and emergency department. Gather everyone around the dining-room table, place a large flat dish in the centre and into this scatter a good handful of raisins. Pour a layer of brandy or cognac over the dried
fruit, then set fire to the brandy and dim the lights. Players take it in turns to pluck a raisin out