How to Behave and How to Amuse: A Handy Manual of Etiquette and Parlor Games. George H. Sandison
should leave cards on the master and mistress of the house, and the young ladies. To turn down the corners of the card has become almost obsolete, except, perhaps, where a lady wishes it understood that she called in person. The plainer the card the better. A small, thin card for a gentleman, not glazed, with his name in small script and his address well engraved in the corner, is in good taste. A lady’s card should be larger, but not glazed or ornamented.
Style of Cards.
Ladies’ cards should be nearly square (about 2½ x 3 inches), of smooth-finished card-board, medium weight, pearl-white in color, and the engraving plain script.
A gentleman’s card is smaller and narrower, (about 1½ × 2¾ inches), of heavier card-board, and the engraving larger and somewhat heavier.
If the surname is short, the full name may be engraved. If the names are long, and the space does not admit of their full extension, the initials of given names may be used. The former style is preferred, when practicable. In the absence of any special title properly accompanying the name—as “Rev.,” “Dr.,” “Col.,” etc.—“Mr.” is always prefixed. Good form requires this on an engraved card. If in any emergency a man writes his own name on a card he does not prefix “Mr.”
Omit from visiting-cards all titles that signify transient offices, or occupations not related to social life; using such titles only as indicate a rank or profession that is for life; and which has become a part of the man’s identity, or which is distinctly allied to his social conditions. Thus: the rank of an officer in the army or the navy should be indicated by title on his card. His personal card is engraved thus: “General Green”—the title in full when only the surname is used; or, “Gen. Winfield Green,” “Gen. W. S. Smith”—the title abbreviated when the given names, or their initials, are used. Officers on the retired list, and veteran officers of the late war who rose from the volunteer ranks, retain their titles by courtesy. The official cards of political officers and ambassadors, with the title and office of the man—with or without his name—should be used only on official or State occasions, and during the term of office.
Professional or business cards that bear ever so slight an advertisement of occupations are not allowable. The three “learned” professions, theology, medicine, and law, are equally “for life,” and should appear on the card. On the other hand, the callings of the clergyman and the physician respectively, are closely allied to the social side of life, closely identified with the man himself. Therefore “Rev.,” or “Dr.” may with propriety be considered as forming an inseparable compound with the name. The title is an important identifying mark, and its omission, by the clergyman, at least, is not strictly dignified.
It is not good form to use merely honorary titles on visiting-cards. In most cases, a man should lay aside all pretension to special office or rank, and appear in society simply as “Mr. John Brown.” An engraved address implies some permanency of location. Those who are liable to frequent changes of address would better omit this addition to the visiting-card, writing the address in any emergency that requires it. No messages should be written on a man’s card, and no penciling is allowed, except as above, to give (or correct) the address, or in the case of “P. P. C.” cards, sent by post.
Cards for Ladies.
A woman’s name should never appear on a visiting-card without either “Mrs.” or “Miss” prefixed. The exception would be in the case of women who have regularly graduated in theology or medicine. Such are entitled, like their brothers, to prefix “Rev.” or “Dr.” to their names.
A married woman’s card is engraved with her husband’s name, with the prefix “Mrs.” No matter how “titled” the husband may be, his titles do not appear on his wife’s visiting-card. The wife of the President is not “Mrs. President Washington,” but “Mrs. George Washington.”
A widow may, if she prefers, retain the card engraved during her husband’s lifetime, unless by so doing she confuses her identity with that of some other lady whose husband is still living. It is more strictly correct for a widow to resume her own given name, and to have her card so engraved. An unmarried woman’s card is engraved with her full name, or the initials of given names, as she prefers, but always with the prefix “Miss.” The address may be engraved or written in the lower right corner.
If a society woman has a particular day for receiving calls, that fact is announced in the lower left corner. If this is engraved, it is understood to be a fixed custom; if written, it may be a transient arrangement. If a weekly “at home” day is observed, the name of the day is engraved, as “Tuesdays.” This means that during “calling hours” on any Tuesday the hostess will be found at home. A holiday, a birthday, a wedding anniversary, or other event in a friend’s life may be remembered by sending a card, upon which is penciled “Greeting,” “Congratulations,” “Best wishes,” or some similar expression. Such cards may be sent alone, or may accompany gifts.
Any brief message may be penciled on a woman’s card, provided the message is sufficiently personal to partake of the nature of a social courtesy. But the card message should not be sent when courtesy requires a note.
In strictly formal circles a young woman, during her first year in society, pays no visits alone. She accompanies her mother or chaperon. She has no separate card, but her name is engraved, or may be written, beneath that of her mother (or chaperon) on a card employed for these joint visits. After a year or so of social experience the young woman has her separate card, subject to the general rules for ladies’ cards.
During the first year after marriage cards engraved thus: “Mr. and Mrs. James Wills Gray,” may be used by the couple in paying calls, or returning wedding civilities. Such cards are also used when jointly sending presents at any time. For general visiting, after the first year, husband and wife have separate cards.
Cards are to be left in person in the following cases: After a first hospitality, whether accepted or not; calls of condolence, and after-dinner calls by cards. In such cases, when personal card-leaving is impossible, the card is sent by a private messenger, and an explanation, or apology, sent by note. Cards of condolence may be sent by mail by friends at a distance; but not by persons residing in the near vicinity. In cases where personal card-leaving is not imperative, cards may be sent either by messenger or by mail.
Social observance allows a man to delegate the distribution of his visiting-cards to a near female relative, whenever it becomes impracticable for him to attend to the matter personally. Only the women of his own household, or a relative with whom he habitually pays visits, can thus represent him by proxy.
Men’s Dress.
Good clothes are not alone sufficient to gain one admittance to the better circles of society, but without them admittance is impossible. When we go out into the world, it is not sufficient to do as others do, we must also dress as others dress. The man is best dressed whose dress attracts least attention. One’s dress must be seasonable, appropriate, conform to the prevailing fashion, without going in the least beyond it, and appear to be comfortable.
To dress well requires sense, taste and refinement. Dress is a safe index of character, and few dress really well that would not be considered persons of culture. The golden rule is to avoid extremes. The man of sense and taste never wears anything that is “loud,” flashy, or eccentric; he yields always to fashion, but is never a slave to it.
One good suit of clothes does more service than two cheap suits. The low-priced suit never looks well, while the high-priced suit looks well to the